Fox Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 I've noticed that I can feel a rush of platonic attraction (or affection or love, depending on the person) when I am interacting with a friend, but once we part ways, I have a hard time feeling that again without their presence. When I'm not around them, I kind of forget what those feelings feel like, and I feel neutral towards them; until I see them again and the situation creates those feelings again. I genuinely struggle with remembering and recapturing those feelings when we're not together. I kind of describe it like I lack emotional object permanence with my friends lol (I am neurodivergent so maybe that's part of it?) Right now I'm calling this "flux," as I understand the levels of attraction to change. And that the fluctuations depends on the specific circumstance of hanging out. I'm wondering if anyone can relate to "only feeling attraction when you're with them" or "attraction but only under specific circumstances" or "fluctuating attraction." I'm also wondering what you all think generally about this situation. Is it the way attraction just is, or do you feel constant attraction when you're attracted to someone (in whatever way)? Let me know if this posted in the wrong section, I wasn't sure where to put it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Funny Individual Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 I mean, I'm alloplatonic but except for VERY close friends and family do I really feel happy or excited when thinking about them and not just neutral. Even friends who I'm relatively close with I will just not think about them if I don't see them or if I do think about them it'll be about what we last did together and not about the person themselves. So as an alloplatonic I relate to a lot of your feelings. I think the thing is that platonic attraction is just kind of...weaker compared to other attractions and the people you are friends with/platonically attracted to rarely enter your mind too often even if you are very excited to see them when they're around 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fox Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 33 minutes ago, Funny Individual said: I mean, I'm alloplatonic but except for VERY close friends and family do I really feel happy or excited when thinking about them and not just neutral. Even friends who I'm relatively close with I will just not think about them if I don't see them or if I do think about them it'll be about what we last did together and not about the person themselves. So as an alloplatonic I relate to a lot of your feelings. I think the thing is that platonic attraction is just kind of...weaker compared to other attractions and the people you are friends with/platonically attracted to rarely enter your mind too often even if you are very excited to see them when they're around I see, thanks for sharing! I feel like romantic attraction has better parameters than platonic attraction when defining it. Like there are specific experiences associated with romantic attraction (butterflies, thinking about them a lot romantically, fantasizing romantically, etc.) But are there any for platonic attraction? I also get confused cause platonic can sometimes be mixed with queerplatonic or familial, and I have a hard time telling the difference and overlap between the three. Maybe I'm mixing up platonic and queerplatonic in trying to understand my attraction here? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Funny Individual Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 @Fox TBH, I always thought that platonic attraction applied to family or aquaintences, because with family its usually the strongest and easiest to identify. You care for your family just because you live together, you're bonded to them in an incredibly strong way. You might be. The main thing is that platonic attraction USUALLY doesn't lead to any fantasizing, period. You might just look forward to certain things("me and mabel are going out to brunch next saturday! so great to catch up!" that sort of thing). TBF, I haven't felt queerplatonic attraction so I don't know how different it is. Even for best friends, you love them to death but you don't think about them outside of when you're interacting 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fox Posted March 27 Author Share Posted March 27 2 hours ago, Funny Individual said: @Fox TBH, I always thought that platonic attraction applied to family or aquaintences, because with family its usually the strongest and easiest to identify. You care for your family just because you live together, you're bonded to them in an incredibly strong way. You might be. The main thing is that platonic attraction USUALLY doesn't lead to any fantasizing, period. You might just look forward to certain things("me and mabel are going out to brunch next saturday! so great to catch up!" that sort of thing). TBF, I haven't felt queerplatonic attraction so I don't know how different it is. Even for best friends, you love them to death but you don't think about them outside of when you're interacting That makes sense. I'm wondering if the fantasizing about friends is more along the lines of queerplatonic attraction? Depends on how the person wants to identify it, especially since platonic vs. queerplatonic doesn't seem to be clearly defined. Along similar lines, how common is it to miss your friends? I basically never miss them, and feel awkward whenever they say they miss me. That's part of why I wonder if my platonic attraction is different. But maybe it's due to another reason, I'm not sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
algebraicresc Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 On 3/25/2024 at 8:45 PM, Fox said: I'm wondering if anyone can relate to "only feeling attraction when you're with them" or "attraction but only under specific circumstances" or "fluctuating attraction." I can definitely relate to this. It happens both ways for me - sometimes I feel more attraction when I’m with a friend, and sometimes I feel more attraction when I’m not with a friend. 6 hours ago, Fox said: Along similar lines, how common is it to miss your friends? I basically never miss them, and feel awkward whenever they say they miss me. 6 hours ago, Fox said: I'm wondering if the fantasizing about friends is more along the lines of queerplatonic attraction? In my experience (as a lonely person) I miss my friends a lot. Especially when I experience strong (what I call) platonic attraction - I would think about them at least once for every hour that they are gone. I also usually fantasize - somewhat frequently - about someone I have a strong squish on. Idk how typical my experience is tho 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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