How can I know if i’m aro?

[Guest shloshim30]

heya guys. after some really long time of wondering about why or how am I like this, I thought maybe it’s time to really get in to it.

I’m 19 (male) and I’m gay. I know for a fact that I’m not A-sexual. so I can get it out of the way. I’m closer to the age of 20 more than I am closer to 19, and never in my life I have felt a serious romantic attraction for someone. I thought maybe because it’s i’m so young and what could a 19 year old possibly know about love, so I thought maybe testing the waters could finally awaken something in me. 

I know I have been idolizing love and the idea of it. I remember really falling for this one guy when I was 15, but looking back I think it was a some sort of an infatuation with him, and the idea of a romance formed around him. it was at an unhealthy level that it took me around 2-3 years to finally let go of the idea of him. I’m just that kind of person, I take a dream or a fantasy and make sure all of my thoughts revolve around it and love may or may not be included. 

all of my friends have or had a some sort of a romantic experiences and I just can’t resonate with their desires, I can’t connect and understand their experiences of love. I ask myself why do they do that to themselves because it seems so peculiar to me. I understand that love could have infinite meanings but mine was never pretty or shiny, it seemed grey and dull. I never wanted to make it happen, just enjoy my idealization in my head in the dark all by myself. if not for my friends that are telling me about love, maybe I wouldn’t have cared so much. I just feel like I’m blind and can’t see the world of romance and it really just sucks. maybe I have fear of missing out, but I don’t think I am missing something I never had or think I could feel myself. 

I tried talking to men but it never worked, until I found someone really nice and sweet. I think he really wants me but I don’t think I want him as a partner. our chemistry is great and he’s cute but I just can’t feel any romantic attraction towards him. every time he makes a romantic remark or gesture I feel sick to my stomach, almost disgusted. and he really doesn’t deserve it, he’s 100% okay in this situation. 

and also, I have ONLY female friends and I’ve never been able form friendships with males. my connection with females is insanely strong and I understand them much more then I will probably be able to understand men.

and I know i’m capable of love. I have so many other things and people I love. I’m happy with my life. I’m so satisfied with everything and everyone I love and care for. it’s just my problem of romanticism. 

so I really want to discuss this with people that may understand me. my situation feels like a massive migraine, and maybe me understanding the fact that i’m an aro might feel like a much needed relief. like a pain relief medication for that migraine. 

I really need to talk with someone about this.

thanks <3

 

[hemogoblin]

There is no way to diagnose yourself with an identity. Sometimes you clearly know. Other times, you don't. Identity is subjective and completely self-determined. You don't have to know to identify a certain way. And you don't have to use a label forever just because you tried it out for a while. That's a part of exploration: playing around with labels and identities and looks and boundaries and figuring out what makes you comfortable.

It sounds like you are doing some good thinking about what you do and don't feel and what you do and don't want. That's the important stuff to figure out. Way more meaningful than some simplified word to describe yourself. =)