just..thing? many questions.

[Anonymous]

There are so many things going on in my brain it's almost panicking me.  But here are three main questions of mine as a person who:

a) recently accepted I'm aro (not discovered, was warring about it for years really) 

b) has a squish (I think??? that's the right term? he's one of my best friends unfortunately).

Q-1.  How do I know, for sure, that I really am aromantic? because I read so many things about aromantics just being disgusted by love or just uninterested in it their whole lives and I've always been in love with the idea of love, and I've always been a huge romantic of life, if not people.

Q-2. My best friend thinks I have a crush on this guy, and I keep trading crushes too often I'm suspecting, and I'm terrified to come out to her

Q-3. If I ever did it, How do you even bring up the fact that you're aromantic to one of your best guy friends, but that you also are very physically attracted to him and want more than friendship but not dating????

[hemogoblin]

Q1 how is anyone sure of anything subjective and personal? They can't be. You can't prove or disprove feelings and opinions. The answer is just...good enough for you. Remember, identity is totally self-defined. It's not diagnosable. No one can or gets to tell you you're wrong. If you say you're aro, then you're aro. Identity isn't about an objective standard of correct. It's just about you. 

Q2 that's okay. Coming out is difficult and scary! Do it at your own pace, whatever that means. 

Q3 I would just be straightforward and lay out the facts. I would also have the coming out discussion separately than asking if he wants to have casual sex together/explore a qpr/whatever it is you're thinking, though. Those are two different convos and I know it's nice to just get all the scary stuff done at once, but I would give you both time to process each conversation at separate times. You could also ask him to be friends with benefits without coming out. You're not obligated to come out first or anything. :)

Good luck! Feel free to hang out here and ask as many questions as you want. 

[opal]

2 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Q-1.  How do I know, for sure, that I really am aromantic? because I read so many things about aromantics just being disgusted by love or just uninterested in it their whole lives and I've always been in love with the idea of love, and I've always been a huge romantic of life, if not people.

Being aromantic doesn't make you romance-repulsed. In fact, you can be romance-positive, romance-neutral, and/or romance-repulsed. 

[Keith]

19 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Q-1.  How do I know, for sure, that I really am aromantic? because I read so many things about aromantics just being disgusted by love or just uninterested in it their whole lives and I've always been in love with the idea of love, and I've always been a huge romantic of life, if not people.

I don't think there's anything that could make you feel completely sure about your aromantic identity. However, just like hemogoblin said, your identity is not diagnoseable. If you think you're aro, then that's it - you're aro. And no one has the right to doubt that. Obviosuly self doubt is normal, but that's why it's important to remember that labels are meant to help you. It's not like you're obligated to identify as something! Also being aromantic doesn't always mean being romance repulsed. There are romance favorable or indifferent aros, and that's okay! Aromanticism is a spectrum, so not all aros are the same.

19 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Q-2. My best friend thinks I have a crush on this guy, and I keep trading crushes too often I'm suspecting, and I'm terrified to come out to her

You don't have to come out to her if you don't want to! But if her thinking you have a crush on that guy makes you uncomfortable, then I suggest you to tell her to stop prying. As your friend, she should accept this and stop.