Just letting things out

[CatNap]

Honestly, Idk if what I imagine is a qpr or just strongly platonic or possibly romantic. Probably, just me being oblivious lol. So I'm sticking to Quoiromantic rn. ^^"

What sounds nice is just someone to give me affection, and someone who I care about and who cares about me, who wants to be by each other's sides. I want to live with this person, have a pet with this person, hang around with this person, talk to this person about everything and nothing, having a qpr or close friendship with this person, cook with them, maybe even start a family with them, share a life with them, and a bunch of other lovely things. Nothing romantic.

I want to get married platonically, or maybe even queerplatonically (I hope that I phrased this right). But not romantically, although my mind's eye makes it seem glorious. But I've learned that fantasy only makes things seem more better than they really are.

So what if platonic or queerplatonic marriage or even queerplatonic relationships aren't as good as my mind makes it seem? What if I never want a qpr? I know not everyone wants qpr's and that's okay, but I kind of want one.

I don't want to be kissed ESPECIALLY if the kiss involves tongue, (because hello! Saliva exchange! Probs just mental health there.), and I don't like being kissed. I find it gross.

I just so happen to have not had a crush in a little while. What? Was my last one like, I don't know, months ago??

Besides, who's to say it was a crush? Who's to say any of my crushes were really romantic crushes? For me it's hard to differentiate if my crushes were romantic or queerplatonic because I seem to have a mixture of romantic and platonic elements when it comes to them.

Like I'll want to be around them all the time: just like I want to be around friends or even new exciting people. I want affection: but I always want affection from lots of people not in a romantic way. I'll think of that person a lot: but I sometimes do that with friends, and new exciting people I recently met. My heart raced for those people. I'd have wanted to date them.

Oml. i just realized I might be overthinking this, lol. :'(

Edit: And even in relationships I'm/was in with people I do like, it feels old and like a chore. I just don't want romantic relationships anymore. Just platonic or queerplatonic ones.

Edited October 10, 2023 by BloodLust