Partnering as an Aromantic Person

[Ghostflower]

I'm curious to learn more about the types of partnerships that other aromantic folks desire and initiate.  Would anyone here feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and experiences? 

Right now, I worry that I only have romantic models to emulate, when I'd like to see the existence of platonic partnerships and other non-romantic relationships that are just as committed as romantic ones. 

Here are a few broad questions to get the ball rolling: Is anyone here currently in a committed partnership, and if so, what is it like?  Is your partner also aromantic?  Have you ever been in a committed relationship with an alloromantic person, and if so, what was that like?  How did you initiate these partnerships, and what sorts of guiding questions did you follow to keep things healthy and balanced?  What are your thoughts on polyamory versus monogamy, and are monogamous relationships that avoid amatonormative ideals of finding "the one" possible, in your opinion?  Lastly, how do you find a comfortable place in a society that doesn't readily accommodate for or acknowledge your existence? 

I understand that everyone's experiences will be different, so I'm not searching for any single, concrete answer here.  I just hope that, by hearing about other people's thoughts and experiences, I will be able to form a better idea of what I want and how to achieve that.  Thank you all so much in advance for taking the time to contribute to this discussion! C:

[dewy]

I'm currently dating a romantic person who is also acespec. It's nice - we have known each other for years and started off as good friends. In my opinion it's good to get to know a potential partner as friends because my partner is also my close friend.

I had several relationships before that didn't go too well because I believe I was more in love with the idea of romance than the people themselves - I did not know I was arospec at the time and we both wanted different things out of the relationship. I had trouble setting boundaries and having conversations but overall I'm glad I had the experience because I learned a lot and not to repeat the same mistakes with my current partner.

It's always important to discuss what you're OK and not OK with - for example if you're uncomfortable with something your partner says or does, even if it's just a bit, it's good to communicate that so you don't have repressed upset feelings that can build up and cause a fight. I'm a big people pleaser and used to let people walk all over me and then blow up at them when I had enough and it's very stressful for everyone involved so I don't want to repeat that.

I only have one partner right now but we're both open to potentially having multiple so I try to communicate and encourage my partner to tell me things like desires and boundaries about being involved with other people so there's no jealousy or hurt feelings.

For the last question I found them in a friend group that's a lot of LGBT people who are understanding and try to educate without judgement even if you don't understand something. It's nice.

[Just a Bear]

I haven't been in a relationship in a long time so I don't have anything to say about it unfortunately. but I definitely want a qpr and I'm alterous. I've had my alterous attraction be romantic three times now. which is nice, but I don't know if I need that. For me my ideal relationship is a partnership with compatibilty and attachment, and attraction doesn;t really matter for that. I think I need physical intimacy (sensual intimacy). I don't really like romantic gestures and romantic intimacy, but if a romantic person doesn't want too much of that I'd be ok partnering with them. I guess I'd like and be ok with a certain amount of it, especially when it comes to shared activities that emphasize the connection we have. I don't really know what I can expect from a qpr.