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What is romantic attraction supposed to feel like?


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47 minutes ago, SwiftySpeedy said:

uhhhh idk, You should probably not ask a community full of people who can't feel it and ask them what it feels like lol.

Good point lol sorry.

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I think that's why this post is in the Romantic Allies and Partners section.  If anyone can answer this question, it's them! <3  

One thing that's been difficult for me is that a lot of my alloromantic friends don't have to think about their attraction all that much, since it comes so naturally to them and is seen as "the norm."  I've asked a couple of people who seem willing to discuss aromanticism with me, and I haven't been able to glean much from those conversations besides "romance is very distinct."  Unfortunately, that does not clear things up for me at all! T_T

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  • 2 weeks later...

Sure I'm kinda greebled rn (almost midnight + headache) but I'll try my best for a short explanation. (ETA: never trust me when i say i will have a short or simple post lmao)

It's like you think about that person a lot and want them in your life but a bit different from other loved ones. Like obviously I love my friends and family and want them in my life but it's a different type of love.

I had a hard time figuring out romantic attraction myself and still do but looking into concepts like romantic friendships and relationship anarchy helped me. It's not so black and white like it's made out to be in a lot of explanations. I think of myself as loving everyone just in different ways.

I'm of french descent and we have different ideas of love compared to the states, I don't know where you're from but I definitely recommend looking into other cultures and societies concepts to describe love. It can be helpful to step back and have a different perspective.

Like living in a conservative state I felt like I had to restrict my love because here you get the message of the only correct way to love is only being "romantically" interested in only one person, but not sexually because that's Bad, and also your romantic relationships must supercede every other relationship in your life but then I realized nah I don't have to follow all that.

It's also definitely influenced by my upbringing - I loved and still love romance fiction but living here, you tend to pick up ideas that sex and loving multiple people is shameful somehow so it definitely helped to take a step back and look into other ways of thinking.

Hope that helps. In the morning I might talk to my partner about this to see if they can offer another perspective.

Edited by dewy
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