Finding a guy attractive but im def aro??

[Guest Kate]

So I’m definitely under that aro umbrella but I’m so confused where I am, not necessarily in need of a term but I’m just confused…

A year ago I discovered I may be aro and it felt so right, I never and still am not interested in dating anyone and even if I was in a relationship it would feel unfair cause I wouldn’t feel comfortable/ want to do anything that’s touchy and couldn’t meet their romantic needs. 
but the thing is, I don’t know if I’ve experienced crushes or not. They’re this guy that I don’t know if I like, I’ve known him for ages and when we were younger I had a ‘crush’ on him. The only thing is, I have brothers, having brothers made me see EVERYONE as a sibling and so idk if I just felt like I liked him like as a friend or as maybe a littler more?? It’s really confusing me cause I do find him attractive and occasionally think of him and if we could be more than just family friends but in reality I would never date him in my entire life.. can you see my confusion 😂

[illumi]

there are a few possibilities i can think of. im no expert on this so take this as a grain of salt

• ure experiencing romantic attraction but wont act on it; which would likely be demiromanticism
• ure experiencing alterous attraction. as ur goal isnt achieving a specific type of relationship; but rather emotional closeness that exceeds the typical familial & friendship bond
• u might be desiring a relationship thats nonromantic but cant find the word for it yet; such a relationship is called a qar

Edited April 28, 2023 by 7ev

[AromanticAardvark]

You might also be experiencing sexual or platonic attraction

[DeltaAro]

On 4/27/2023 at 12:49 AM, Guest Kate said:

but the thing is, I don’t know if I’ve experienced crushes or not. They’re this guy that I don’t know if I like, I’ve known him for ages and when we were younger I had a ‘crush’ on him. The only thing is, I have brothers, having brothers made me see EVERYONE as a sibling and so idk if I just felt like I liked him like as a friend or as maybe a littler more?? It’s really confusing me cause I do find him attractive and occasionally think of him and if we could be more than just family friends but in reality I would never date him in my entire life.. can you see my confusion 😂

It's possible that weak or more subconscious sexual attraction together with platonic attraction feels like this.

[hemogoblin]

14 hours ago, 7ev said:

• ure experiencing romantic attraction but wont act on it; which would likely be demiromanticism

Sounds more like lithromanticism. ;)

On 4/26/2023 at 4:49 PM, Guest Kate said:

It’s really confusing me cause I do find him attractive and occasionally think of him and if we could be more than just family friends but in reality I would never date him in my entire life..

It actually sounds like you understand yourself really well, then. You don't need any specific label for your feelings. Understanding your limits and what you don't want is very valuable information. You say you might want more than just family friends. A good exercise for you might to be explore what this is/what would it entail. Living together? Having kids together? Sharing finances? Sex? Seeing each other often? Cuddling? Not dating but not dating other people? It doesn't have to be all or any of these things. They're just some questions to help get you started thinking in actionable terms about what kind of relationship you might be interested in.

[illumi]

8 hours ago, hemogoblin said:

Sounds more like lithromanticism. ;)

who knows. they should read abt the main arospec labels 1st if they want 1