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weird feels

Guest Anonymous


I'd like some explanation and I'm horrible at self-analysis... so if it's alright I'd like someone else's insight on this. for context I'm ace and greyro

so there's this person who is my friend and my heart jumps when I see them. I don't get butterflies, but my heart jumps. Often afterwards I'll start to feel sick because I'm like "oh does it mean I LIKE them?" and it makes me very uncomfortable.

I also often look around for this person when I go out, which results in a very awkward amount of awkward eye contact.

I've tried to imagine myself in romantic contexts w this person to sorta "test" myself, and I'm generally uncomfortable. Sometimes I try to test my reaction to the idea of kissing them, and my reaction to the build-up is positive, but I can't imagine the actual act. If I see them in person though then the entire idea disgusts me.

I genuinely don't think I like this person romantically, but why does my heart jump when I see them? Why do I always look for them? Could this actually be romantic? I know I want to be their friend and in the past I've thought I had a squish on this person. I'm actually wondering if the heart jump is related to a previous OCD-obsession i had (basically, sexuality-ocd) so if anyone has experience with that please tell me. I also care a lot about this person's opinion of me, but I have social anxiety so... thats usually normal. Does anyone have any insight?

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Okay, so here's the thing.

Feelings are real. But feelings are not fact. They are innate reactions we can't control. They don't inherently have any meaning beyond what we prescribe to them. They do not define the facts around us. I can feel hurt without someone having done something to hurt me. I can feel like I'm a worthless loser without that meaning I'm a worthless loser. Feelings are fleeting, and often we just have to ride them out. We do not have to act on them in any particular way or even act on them at all.

This feeling/reaction/whatnot doesn't have to mean anything you don't want it to. It doesn't have to mean anything.

Your heart might jump because:

  • You're excited to see this person.
  • This person makes you happy.
  • Generalized anxiety.
  • Overthinking. Your heart jumped once and now you're fixated on it, causing you to get anxious whenever you see this person, causing your heart to keep jumping.
  • Your OCD (which is a specific type of anxiety disorder and so is often accompanied by other symptoms of anxiety).
  • You have a friend crush on this person (a squish).
  • You have an aesthetic crush on this person (a swish).
  • You have an alterous crush on this person (a mesh; it means you desire an emotional closeness that doesn't necessarily have to be platonic or romantic).
  • You have a sensual crush on this person (a lush).
  • You're sexually attracted to this person (a smush or lust).
  • A combination of these things.
  • Coincidence.
  • Etc.

I hope this helps in some way!

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