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am i aromantic?

Guest snailz

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so im 16 and never had a crush or "been in love" but i feel like to some point i do feel romantic attraction. like when watching a romance or recently when my friend confessed i could feel my face get red but i dont know if its romantic kind of way? like when i think of hugging or cuddling a partner i feel fine but when i think of kissing my mind goes to "errrrr no" and i dont know what that means. am i aromantic?

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Identity is self-determined! I'm sorry to say that there's no test you can take to be diagnosed an identity.

Do you think you might be aromantic? Do you want to try identifying as aromantic for a while? Do you want to continue hanging out in aro spaces to see if you relate to other aro people's experiences? (And remember, aromanticism is a spectrum. Some aro people sometimes feel romantic attraction. Some may never feel romantic attraction but still be interested in romantic actions.)

Follow your feelings! Follow your instincts! You don't have to know right away. Sometimes you hear a term and you just know, but a lot of times we're fighting a lot of societal misinformation and bigotry and the pressure of alloheteronormativity and we need a bit more time. I've personally found that identifying as the thing I suspect I am for at least a few months (during which, I try not to give too much time/energy/attention to all the doubting questions of "what if I'm lying tho!?"), then I learn a lot more about how I feel.

If you want some experiences/thoughts, I'll leave you with this:

  • There's no one Action or Desire that defines you as aro or allo. Some aros like kissing. Some allos don't like kissing. Aromantic loosely means "low or no romantic attraction".
  • (I say loosely means because people can ID as aro for a variety of reasons, including, for example, feeling romantic attraction but having no interest in a romantic relationship.)
  • Aromantic people can enjoy romantic movies. Enjoying romantic movies or wanting a relationship like what you see in a movie isn't the same as romantic attraction.
  • On average, allos start developing romantic attraction (or an understanding/approximation of it) anywhere from 5 - 14. That is an average. Some may do so later.
  • Labels aren't forever. You don't need to know for sure that you're aromantic and always will be in order to identify as aromantic. Labels are for now. Feel free to use aromantic and/or another term now and pick a different one later if you grow out of it or realize another term is better for you!
  • Labels are primarily about communication (what do you want others to know about your feelings?) and community (who do you connect with and feel seen with?) moreso than being an accurately detailed explanation of your experiences.
  • Liking hugging and cuddling but not liking kissing could have a reason (tied to asexuality? tied to aromanticism?) or it could have no reason and it's just the way you feel because it's the way you feel. To sort through this a bit, you might try and give a bit of thought on what about kissing is a turn off for you. If you can figure out an answer, it may help you figure out more what you want out of a label.

Most of all, keep letting yourself explore! Being open to your feelings and boundaries is what's most important and what will benefit you the most, regardless of what label(s) get attached to them later.

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