Jump to content

The opposite of dread


Recommended Posts

So I recently tried to get back into dating. I’ve never really been interested in it, but I wanted to see if I would be able to feel something more when dating women as opposed to men (since I realised I was gay during the pandemic). I was talking to someone and we made plans to meet for a beer, but life just got in the way and things were dragging out. We hadn’t really talked much about ourselves, kind of saving that for in person, but she said she was really excited to meet me and I had some kind of overwhelming feelings about that. The next day, I was feeling a lot of dread. The same kind of dread I had felt when dating men. It seems that romance in general, especially with people I don’t already know, makes me feel all kinds of wrong inside. It feels like being made to pretend to feel things I don’t know how to feel, and that’s not fair to anyone involved. I do, however, feel like it was something I needed to try to feel sure in myself that it’s not a sexuality thing if that makes sense. 
 

I decided to not pursue dating any further after that, but that resurgence of dread reminded me when I felt the opposite of that feeling. It was, of all things, because of the movie Catwoman with Halle Berry. It’s not a great movie, but something about the ending really hit me as a teenager. While she has feelings for the police detective, she feels that her independence and desire to make her own way in life is more important to her. I remember feeling so blown away by that.  I don’t think the option to choose yourself and what you want in life over a relationship had ever been introduced to me before then. Thinking about that now, I’m not in a position where I’ve had to choose between someone I have genuine feelings for and what I want out of life, but I constantly feel like I’m choosing between the idea of a future relationship and myself. When I tell people I have no interest in having children, they seem to become sad for a potential partner that doesn’t even exist. Like I’m preventing this hypothetical person from having kids. It’s really strange. 
 

Has anyone else experienced a situation where you suddenly realise you don’t have to get into a romantic relationship and you see a whole new world open up in front of you? Finding out about platonic partnerships made me feel a similar thing, and my friend had the same kind of response when I told them about QPRs so I’m curious about if this is a common thing. 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, venomous said:

Has anyone else experienced a situation where you suddenly realise you don’t have to get into a romantic relationship and you see a whole new world open up in front of you? Finding out about platonic partnerships made me feel a similar thing, and my friend had the same kind of response when I told them about QPRs so I’m curious about if this is a common thing. 

Yes! Being here, on Arocalypse, feels like this to me. This gradual easing of the residue of dread, which opens up more expansive and relaxed worlds.

Where did you first come across QPRs, if you don't mind the q., @venomous? Thank you for your lovely post!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 1/15/2023 at 10:25 AM, venomous said:

Has anyone else experienced a situation where you suddenly realise you don’t have to get into a romantic relationship and you see a whole new world open up in front of you? Finding out about platonic partnerships made me feel a similar thing, and my friend had the same kind of response when I told them about QPRs so I’m curious about if this is a common thing. 

Oh I absolutely did, when I first realized I didn't really NEED to follow anyone else's rules for how my life would look. And then again, when I realized I didn't even need to have my labels defined by anyone else, and honestly no one did. It felt kind of like having looked at one of those paintings made up of little dots for years, seeing the same thing everyone else did, and then waking up one day and looking closer, and seeing the little meaningless dots that made up the picture

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, the more the merrier said:

Yes! Being here, on Arocalypse, feels like this to me. This gradual easing of the residue of dread, which opens up more expansive and relaxed worlds.

Where did you first come across QPRs, if you don't mind the q., @venomous? Thank you for your lovely post!

I don’t mind at all 😄 It was on YouTube. I think it was an Ash Hardell video with a lot of different people talking about various identities and relationships. I remember being a bit like “I can have emotional intimacy without having to perform romance for someone”? I’m very grateful that we now have resources for understanding that not all intense emotions are romantic in nature. This site has also helped me so much over the last few years, I really can’t stress how invaluable it’s been. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...