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Am I actually somewhere on the aromantic spectrum?


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Hi y'all,

I don't know if I count as somewhere on the aro spectrum or if it is merely something related to some other issues?

To explain: I have only felt what I might consider romantic attraction twice in my life, maybe three times (aside from a few things I thought were that but were just wanting to be friends/ect). The thing is, I also have a hard time feeling things towards people anyways as friends or otherwise. I like the idea of romance and dating, but I get places and the attraction just isn't there towards anyone (save those two examples, both of whom were/are close friends that I care/cared more about the friendship than anything). Recently I started going to therapy and my therapist said something about my childhood apparently being pretty much in aggressive environments (at schools and camps, I won't go into detail but because of it I have some fairly severe anxiety). So I am not sure if I actually am somewhere on the aromantic spectrum or I just have issues connecting to people because of these issues. Any advice? I do plan on talking about this more in therapy as well (also I know being aromantic isn't something that needs to be fixed, I just don't know for myself)

 

Thanks :)

 

 

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Hi!

Having a lack of a attraction or a complicated relationship to attraction is plenty reason to identify as being on the aromantic spectrum if you find it useful for you to do so. Likewise, if you find it unhelpful, there's no need to. I often see people concerned about identifying as aro because they also have mental health issues they're working through, but being 'truly aro' doesn't require a lack of Other Issues Impacting Interpersonal Relationships any more than any other identity label. You can be aro and have that directly tie in to or be influenced by other aspects of your life and other aspects of how you connect to others, or it can also be separate from it, there's not a 'wrong' way to experience a lack of attraction or other complicated experiences with attraction that make it difficult to relate/connect to alloromanticism.

I can't say you Are Definitely Aro, but just from what you've described, you have things in common with other folks who identify or have identified with the aro spectrum, so it's definitely fine to ID as such if it's helpful, whether that's long term or short term. So whatever you feel most comfortable with in that respect works, really. I wish you lots of luck on figuring it out though! Questioning can definitely be a Journey.

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I thought I would give a bit of an update on this:

 

Obviously one week isn't going to bring all of the answers but right now this is just my thought process. I do have a hard time getting close to people, but I believe that has more to do with my lack of attraction (i.e., I probably would be on the aromantic spectrum whether or not I had these issues, but because it takes me getting close to people to have those attractions, my struggle to connect to people leads to me experiencing it potentially less than I would if I didn't have struggles). As for labels, while I don't particularly feel the need to have a specific label, I would say that I most likely am either demiromantic or grey-romantic. Either way, I don't see myself being in a romantic relationship anytime soon and I am not too worried about it either.

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