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Just a Bear

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So the only things that caused attraction in me was either 1) the person's appearance or B) their personality or C) both


and I've been absolutely clueless when it comes to people being interested in me in a romantic way

and me trying to be friends with people of the opposite sex made them think I was interested in them romantically

but like when I ask myself "what would I get out of a romantic relationship" the answer is, "well you know having someone to do stuff with, also cuddles and kisses"


What if I'm romantic-light? what if kissing to me isn't romantic and I'm just not romantic?


I do feel emotional attraction and honestly feel like the large majority of the time that attraction would better be classified as alterous


but there have been a few times where it was intense and I assumed it was romantic because I've always assumed I was romantic


but if I'm alterous, then why label intense emotional attraction as romantic at all?


being in a romantic relationship is totally cool with me but so is a QPR and so is a friendship


And if I don't get cuddles and kisses in my life who gives a flying fuck?


I'm super confused and it's 4:32 am and I'm not asleep so let's just ask aromantics how to tell if something is romantic?


and be nonsensical while doing so?


what do you think?


I'm just confused. 


In theory I'd like a romantic relationship, but every time I go to look for potential dates I chicken out. 


I finally make a post looking for dates and one person reached out and we've talked but like... so far it feels like a friendship to me. I haven't seen them yet and while we've talked it hasn't been the typical conversations that caused attraction for me...


I just don't know what to think about this. I'm dancing around the idea of asking them if they are thinking of this as a romantic possibility we're exploring together, becasue while I posted "looking for dating" in the post I was like "I'm totally down for friends too" meaning "people of the wrong gender" but that can totally be misunderstood 


and thinking about this proposition of "so do you see this as a romantic possibility" is just making me realize that ... I don't care if it is or not. I'm just happy we've talked and played a game together. 


What I'm really looking for right now is friendship


and with the except of feeling intense attraction to the point where I thought "I'd do x with them" or "I'd do anything with them" or "I'd do anything for them" like... I've never actually felt a desire to date


and the only reason I'm looking for a date is after feeling the most intense attraction for a person literally three months ago, and someone telling me it sounded romantic


but like


what if I just am capable of feeling alterous attraction intensely, 


what if the ideal relationship for me is a "oriented aro ace" QPR???

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 8/17/2022 at 10:40 AM, Just a bear look away said:

what if I just am capable of feeling alterous attraction intensely, 


what if the ideal relationship for me is a "oriented aro ace" QPR???

That is quite possible. Reminds me of myself. I can feel alterous attraction intensely - in real friendships I tend to feel intense for the other person in general - but I still know it isn't romantic in my book. Why? Because while I do enjoy my time with someone I like, I don't feel a longing or the need to touch them physically or even tell them I love them or something like this. I also don't have the wish to spend 24/7 with them, like it is apparently in romantic relationships. There isn't an urge to do these things and I am, like you, very content when we just hang out, talk, play games, etc.
Many people still don't know about the concepts of alterous attraction/aromanticism/QPRs, so they will most likely say "that sounds romantic to me", even though it doesn't feel like it for you in the slightest. At the end of the day, you know what you feel and what you want or if you don't know it yet, you will figure it out eventually. Don't let the words of others make you doubt yourself and your experience, wishes.

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