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How to prevent romantic attraction?


Guest Izzy
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Guest Izzy

I'm (15, demi-girl) aromantic and I don't want it to change. I really, really hope I'll never feel romantic attraction. I want my aromanticism to be set in stone, for the rest of my life. I want to be sure about my romantic orientation, I don't want it to change, and I don't want to suddenly turn straight/alloromantic/etc. Will not being open to the possibility of romantic attraction, prevent romantic attraction from ever happening? It scares me that it's involuntary too. Saying "it's okay/natural to be alloromantic" doesn't help, I've heard this enough from my family. I don't want to experience romantic attraction and I want to be secure in my aromantic identity.

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You can't have a conscious effect on whether or not you feel romantic attraction. It just physically doesn't work like that, there have been many, maaaaaany times in history where people tried to change how one's attraction works. It's a physically impossible thing.

That being said, even if you feel romantic attraction maybe once ever, you would still be aromantic. Aromantic means little to no romantic attraction. Which means even if you've felt it maybe once or twice, you're still on the aromantic spectrum, even if you're not 1000000% unable to feel romantic attraction. I've had maybe one actual romantic crush in my whole life, and none before or after that. I still identify as aromantic because the chances of me feeling anything like that for another person are smaller than winning the lottery.

And the truth is, people are rarely 100% of their identity, especially when they're younger (but it even happens w the older folk). Took me until this year (I am 19) to even consider the fact that I am aromantic, despite identifying as gay for yeaaaars. Nothing can be 10000% set in stone in life, and honestly the best thing to do is just explore and do whatever you feel is right for yourself.

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And even if you do end up experiencing romantic attraction, you don’t have to do anything about it. You don’t have to date or share it with anyone if you don’t want to, and I think it’d be fine to keep identifying as aromantic!!

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Experiencing romantic attraction would be terrifying, and the involuntary aspect of attraction can totally give one some anxiety, believe me this thought has come to me before as well. Unfortunately there is no magic way to prevent yourself from ever feeling romantic attraction but the way I see it, the chances of you in particular experiencing romantic attraction are lower than other aros. If the idea of experiencing romantic attraction causes this much repulsion, fear, and discomfort for you then you are even less likely to experience it than most other aros who very very rarely experience it anyway. Also, the romantic attraction that some aros do experience usually isn’t enough to significantly alter their social relations forever. You are already very far removed from possibly experiencing even a little attraction by fearing the idea of it, and even removed from other aros who don’t think much about the possibility of experiencing romance as a negative outcome. 

Bottomline you are already very very very unlikely to ever experience romantic attraction because of your fear of experiencing it.  Also you're apprehensions towards romance could reassure you that you likely never will experience this attraction. 

 Hopefully you found this a little helpful. I hope you find some peace of mind fellow aro, have a great day!

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