Is this romantic attraction?

lotusflower · April 9, 2022

Hello y'all!

So.. im questioning whether I'm aro or not, I already consider myself as grey-ro and asexual but now, im starting to question if I actually felt romantic attraction, so I tried to describe it in the best possible, it was around 4 years ago that this happend so I cannot really tell what I exactly felt, but this is what I know.

So I met this guy online, and we've never met each other in real life, and it would be kinda impossible to do so.

*I felt very comfortable with him and really had the feeling that I could be myself and that he wouldn't judge me.
*Sometimes while chatting I did get a warm feeling in my stomach but I never felt nervous, which should be called butterflies in the stomach (people who have a crush do experience that...?) But I did thought/daydream about them regularly
*He had promised me in the beginning that he might want to be together with me. That sounded cool, I mean, there was finally someone who really appreciated me and I was finally important to someone, and he was my first real friend as well. Only I didn't really thought about the romantic aspects of it when he said that... so it was a pretty innocent thought ( I had no idea what a "romantic relationship" would actually look like) now that I think back, I actually think that my version of a romantic relationship was something like a QPR.
*When he got a girlfriend I was a bit disappointed, not necessarily jealous because I didn't want to be his girlfriend with all that romantic stuff and those expectations, but he said he wanted to be with me (see paragraph thingy above)but if he got a girlfriend that wouldn't happen. I was a lil sad about that however, it didn't affect me too much... Didn't lie awake worrying about it etc, didn't cried about it... Just an in the moment "oh😕" also because of the fact that I wasn't the most important to him anymore, well he was to me my best friends and only friend at that time, so he was quite important to me. I mean, people consider romantic relationships as more important than friendships, so that's why I had that feeling. Also later on, he told me that he'd never experience something romantic for me.. again I was like "oh😕" but after some self reflection, it was only because I was upset because of the fact that I would never be as important as her and that I'd always stay on the second place. But is that still a sign of romantic attraction?
*But I did enjoy helping him date. I gave him tips on how to ask her out and what not to do. Was really fun to do. So at some point I saw her reactions under his insta posts "you're my baby boy 🥰🥰" and I was literally in shock?? Like, those are actual emotions when you have a crush??
* When he said he had his first kiss with his girlfriend, I was like "oh so if I have a crush, I must like the idea of kissing him" so I imagined it, only it was almost automatically someone else who was with him in my fantasy... the "me" had a completely different appearance compared to me and the fantasy was never detailed. I would watch it from the third person and if there was a kissing scene (with a kissing scene I basically mean how parents kiss their parent, so nothing weird yk), I would watch from a distance and there would be a kind of shadow so that the two characters were black and you couldn't see what was happening. I had a weird feeling in my stomach so I guess it sort of was "nice??" But when I really thought of him with the actual me in the fantasy... sorry but I couldn't imagine anything else than us being besties... and a kiss scene? Like no, we are just friends
* Sometimes we videocalled, sometimes he would bring up his girlfriend and I could sound happy without any effort or forcing it. I was totally cool with it. I didn't felt any butterflies or something during the videocalls just enjoyed his presence and I felt like that I really could be me! So I feel like I only "liked" the online version of him rather than him as a whole

*At some point we pranked some people and he told me that I'd be funny to pretend that we were a couple. But the idea made me feel like: "no.. lets not.. that's kinda weird, this makes me quite uncomfortable"

also, at some point he "confessed" to me and I wasn't happy at all, I was pretty much like " UUUHM, YOU'RE DOING THIS WRONG, I DONT WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU, WE ARE JUST FRIENDS " Gladly, he told me it was an accident and it was meant for his girlfriend. At first, I think I sort of desired reciprocation, not of romantic feelings tho, I just wanted to hear that I was the most important to him

And things weren't going well at that time.. I was quite insecure and a bit lonely so maybe that also influenced some emotions?? I mean, like I said, he was the first person who I really considered as my best friend so idk, maybe I don't have enough experience to know whether this was just a best friend experience or a crush one.

So would to guys consider this as romantic attraction? (Sorry about the fact that this story is so long, but I wanted it to be as detailed as possible so that it perhaps would be easier to tell whether I felt romantic attraction or not)

Edited July 30, 2022 by lotusflower
Woops, made some typos