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My experience as a trans aroace

Trans Aroace Girl

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I feel being aro is more complicated when your trans because it’s pretty easy to mistake gender envy for a crush. For years, I didn’t think I was aro because there have been girls I thought I had crushes on. This continued after I figured out I was ace because I thought I was still experiencing romantic attraction. It didn’t help that I was still figuring out my gender. I didn’t know the first thing about being in a relationship, and I never really felt a desire for one. At one point, I decided I didn’t care about the gender of who I was in a relationship with, so I labeled myself as panromantic, but I never felt what I thought was romantic attraction towards anyone other than girls, so I went with ace lesbian for a while before finally realizing I wasn’t romantically attracted to anyone at all. I realized that the whole time, I was experiencing gender envy. I think I would have had myself figured out sooner if I wasn’t trans, but I have myself figured out now. I still get gender envy, but I’m better at recognizing it now.

Edited by Sailor Scout
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19 hours ago, DeltaV said:

that’s interesting (must remember)… never thought anyone would feel that way…

I think it is very common. Have you heard of the lesbian problem of "do I like her or do I want to be like her?"? This is very similar. I remember when I was in my first year of highschool and I had a "crush" on one guy of my class. NOPE! It was pure gender envy. It is funny to think about it now, but in the past I was so confused?

21 hours ago, Aroace Sailor Scout said:

 I still get gender envy, but I’m better at recognizing it now.

At the beginning it is kinda hard to recognize gender envy. I learned to distingue it of aesthetic attraction by asking me the question do I want to steal from them their body and vibe? Now it is easier.

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Now that I think about it, a "crush" I had in 7th grade may have been at least partially gender envy, as that was when I first started questioning my gender, so it's very possible. Though honestly, I have no idea - I'm pretty bad at figuring out my feelings, and the fact that that was years ago doesn't help.

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