Telling your romantic partner that you prefer a qpr

[Arsenic]

Lemme put you up in situation. I am in a romantic relationship with my best friend since three years ago. A few weeks ago I realised I am aromantic, and after this discovering I started feeling more awkward during the romantic part of our relationship than I've ever been (even if the romantic part of our relationship is super small, I mean, we act like bros mostly of the time). The point is that I would like to change the dynamic of our relationship from romantic to queerplatonic, but I don't know how to tell her this without hurting her. Another important point is that she doesn't know that I am aroace, since she thinks I am allosexual and alloromantic, and that is also a huge problem... Have you ever been in similar situations? Any idea of what should I do...? 

[atrocious_ar0mantic]

7 hours ago, Arsenic said:

Lemme put you up in situation. I am in a romantic relationship with my best friend since three years ago. A few weeks ago I realised I am aromantic, and after this discovering I started feeling more awkward during the romantic part of our relationship than I've ever been (even if the romantic part of our relationship is super small, I mean, we act like bros mostly of the time). The point is that I would like to change the dynamic of our relationship from romantic to queerplatonic, but I don't know how to tell her this without hurting her. Another important point is that she doesn't know that I am aroace, since she thinks I am allosexual and alloromantic, and that is also a huge problem... Have you ever been in similar situations? Any idea of what should I do...? 

I haven't been in a similar situation, but I could still try to advise. 

It'll be an adjustment for both of you to change your relationship label, and dynamic. While it might not be the easiest thing to talk about, communication is key to all relationships. It's important that you do convey this to your partner when you're ready to. Ignoring your own preferences and feelings will only cause more conflict further on. Plus, you deserve to be respected and have your varying relationship needs met. 

One thing I would highlight with her, when you're ready to lead the conversation, is that relationships aren't hierarchal. A QPR won't be some second-best to the previous romo relationship you had with her, if you still choose to pursue a QPR with her. If I were in that position, I would mention how close and intimate I was with said person, and about how changing this dynamic doesn't mean I love them any less; that it's not a falling out, it's just a different type of love than initially thought. But just because it's not romantic love doesn't mean it's any less strong. 

[Arsenic]

11 hours ago, aroace_auncle said:

I haven't been in a similar situation, but I could still try to advise. 

It'll be an adjustment for both of you to change your relationship label, and dynamic. While it might not be the easiest thing to talk about, communication is key to all relationships. It's important that you do convey this to your partner when you're ready to. Ignoring your own preferences and feelings will only cause more conflict further on. Plus, you deserve to be respected and have your varying relationship needs met. 

One thing I would highlight with her, when you're ready to lead the conversation, is that relationships aren't hierarchal. A QPR won't be some second-best to the previous romo relationship you had with her, if you still choose to pursue a QPR with her. If I were in that position, I would mention how close and intimate I was with said person, and about how changing this dynamic doesn't mean I love them any less; that it's not a falling out, it's just a different type of love than initially thought. But just because it's not romantic love doesn't mean it's any less strong. 

Yeah... I know. I hope she understands me, I don't want her to leave me. I guess that I will start by telling her that I am ace, since I think it is easier to say... Thanks for your advice.