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Questions about my sexual and romanic orientation, please help

Guest anonny


Let's start by saying I'm not traditionally involved in any LGBT+ communities, but am really happy they exist and that it's awesome to see so many cool new communities pop up, even though I don't usually participate. I'm also sorry for the long post, but it would mean the world of anyone could help me out :)

I have always identified as a straight male, on some occasions just to skip the conversation, but have recently been giving it a bit more thought and pinned down that I don't really want or care about a traditional relationship and the usual dating stuff. I have never dated anyone, and don't feel like I will have the time/energy to even bother with any of that, yet I am still attracted to feminine people (regardless of gender identity) every now and then. I started browsing some subreddits and wiki pages over the last weeks, and found a couple of interesting terms I would like to discuss and understand better. The two most striking ones are Neptunic and Aegosexuality, because I personally think that those to "terms/labels" could suit me, yet am unsure what exactly these "labels" are and if they can even be combined. I also found Aegosexualflux, which might suit better, but then I found that these are some kind of micro-labels that cannot stand on their own? I don't really feel asexual/aromantic, as I'm still interested in feminine-looking people and occasionally have fantasies of them (usually not involving anyone else but them), but just don't want to be in a relationship with them. Is this even a combination that's possible, are there better sexual identities for this, is that even how I need to call that, or am I over-complicating this for myself much more than I need to? I appreciate any help and advice on this, I'm really new to figuring this all out and am open to all feedback.


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Here's a secret: you can use these labels however you want. You can combine up and down and to the left, you can use Aegosexual and not Asexual, it's completely up to you! Me, for example: I am not a man, but i am a genderqueer man. I am queer, and aromantic, and asexual, I usually just say either queer or aro. I'm gay too! That's just how it is. So yes, if you find that these labels work for you, use them! Combine them!

Two points:

  1. Asexual is both a sexuality in itself, and an umbrella term/a spectrum. Most people use aspec or asexual-spectrum to clarify. So aegosexual would be under the asexual umbrella, as it is an offshoot of that, but that doesn't necessarily make someone asexual, if that makes sense?
  2. Just as you can use and combine labels at will, you don't have to label every little part of yourself. Labels, and microlabels, are super helpful - BUT it is very easy to get lost in the sauce. I've stopped looking for labels that precisely describe me, because I am very happy and comfortable with those I use right now.
  3. Some labels are just for you, others you tell people around you. So, for example: you could say you're neptunic to let people know what kind of people you're attracted to, but not really say aegosexual unless someone asks or it comes up*. 

I hope this helps you somewhat! You're also free to totally ignore this, of course. This is just how I think about labels, and how the philosophy I live by. Absolutely no need to follow it yourself if you don't find it helpful!

*This is not to say you need to do this! Just an example using the labels you mentioned. You're free to do whatever (:

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