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Just really confused :)


Guest Cherubi
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Guest Cherubi

Hi! Came here from the AVEN website. I’ve been questioning my sexual and romantic orientation (I’m a girl) for a while now and I’m still just really confused. I’m not in a rush to figure things out but it makes it hard for me when forming connections with people and I feel it affects my existing relationships as well. To keep it somewhat short, I feel like I have never really truly been attracted to someone. I love the idea of a romantic relationship and being someone’s “person”, if you will, but at the same time I have kind of found that I view platonic friendships in similar context. The distinction between platonic and romantic relationships is very blurry I guess, and at times I feel like there really isn’t a difference between the two, except kissing and physical stuff such as holding hands and cuddling (no sex for me)? I am a tactile person so I want to be touchy (I hate that word lol) with people who I care about. Also, with my best friend, I care about her so so much and we plan to like live together and all that when we are older. That’s pretty much what society could deem or label as a romantic action or thing. And i’d be open to dating a girl or boy, but my “attraction” (or lack thereof) to pretty much everyone feels the same. It’s like this weird infatuation with them, thinking they are really cool and interesting, and thus leading me to think I “like” everyone who I meet, when in reality it is.. well whatever that is. So do I even really like anyone at all? Could I just be wanting a really close friendship with this person? I know I find people aesthetically attractive and find myself wanting to be close with others emotionally (think of like, the most epic and intimate and idek, best best friend frienship there is?). I’m just confused! :) Like I find myself wanting to kiss people or cuddle or whatever WITH CLOSE FRIENDS (which is bad because then I just end up thinking I have a crush on all my girl best friends yikes!) but not for a romantic reason I guess??! For instance, I went to the movies the other day and the movie was semi scary. I found myself wanting to get close to my one friend during it and already she was kind of leaning into my seat and somewhat cuddled up near me. I just felt really confused in that moment lol. Anyways, sorry for the insanely long post. Open to any similar experiences or advice. Thanks!

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I've experienced something kinda similar in figuring out the different kind of orientations there are. For me what worked is thinking about the things I would and wouldn't be ok with with a person and basing my own boundaries there. Like. My friend A. stimulates my brain creatively, makes stories just happen and we work on them endlessly. For a while I thought I was crushing on her. But the feeling was an INTENSE friendship. Like. She is VERY important to me and there is nothing romantic or sexual about it. 

Exploring your own boundaries is the place to start I'd think tho! Boundaries are so important. 

ANd when you get to the point maybe, if ever, talking to someone about more you will have your boundaries laid out for yourself and know what you do and don't want with someone. 

If you don't feel romantic attraction that doesn't always mean nothing is on the table with some people. 

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