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Am I romance repulsed or are most romantic relationships unhealthy?


neth
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I recently realized I am aro and am now taking my time to conceptualize what this means to me and for me. I am someone who has a hard time connecting to my feelings in general so I pay more attention to my behavior for indicators of what I'm feeling. I realized recently that I am very judgmental about peoples relationships. I really tend to judge people who tell me about their romantic relationships and sometimes even romantic relationships in movies, tv, books, etc. I typically do feel grossed out or disgusted but I always thought it was because I found their relationships unhealthy and not the romance itself. I really enjoy seeing what I would define as "healthy" romance, though I think I have only met one couple in real life I genuinely admired or was pleased seeing, I find most of the "healthy" romance I enjoy in fiction. Slow burn, yearning, patient, individualistic type stuff (this may be a projection of my experiences with friendship). So the question I am posing is am I actually romance repulsed by modern romance or is most modern romance unhealthy? The second question is what does the experience of romance repulsion feel like for you?

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Some romantic relationships are unhealthy, just like some platonic or familial relationships are unhealthy, but not most. Sounds like you have a very narrow and unrealistic idea of what a "healthy" relationship should look like.

I'm not romance repulsed to I can't really say anything on that.

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You could be both. I get it I find most of the romance shown in real life just weird but books you get to see into someone's mind to have a type of insider's look it makes sense.

I would try to listen to my loved ones more without assuming its unhealthy though that could be your own experience clouding it.

 

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On 9/29/2020 at 11:08 PM, neth said:

I recently realized I am aro and am now taking my time to conceptualize what this means to me and for me. I am someone who has a hard time connecting to my feelings in general so I pay more attention to my behavior for indicators of what I'm feeling. I realized recently that I am very judgmental about peoples relationships. I really tend to judge people who tell me about their romantic relationships and sometimes even romantic relationships in movies, tv, books, etc. I typically do feel grossed out or disgusted but I always thought it was because I found their relationships unhealthy and not the romance itself. I really enjoy seeing what I would define as "healthy" romance, though I think I have only met one couple in real life I genuinely admired or was pleased seeing, I find most of the "healthy" romance I enjoy in fiction. Slow burn, yearning, patient, individualistic type stuff (this may be a projection of my experiences with friendship). So the question I am posing is am I actually romance repulsed by modern romance or is most modern romance unhealthy? The second question is what does the experience of romance repulsion feel like for you?

After much consideration I came to the conclusion that I am not technically romance repulsed (unless directed towards me, then I have a tendency to detach and dip rip) but rather many romantic relationships around me tend to have codependent tendencies. A lot of couples around me believe in merging, lack of space and boundaries, loss of individuality, etc. Codependency does run in my family so romance alligning with my experiences I was 100% turned off by the romantic relationships I have seen and experienced in real life. That being said, I would consider myself more romance positive due to genuinely enjoying seeing, hearing, reading romantic affection. I have felt joy from seeing people express being romantically in love.

Oh, in reply to unhealthy relationships happening in nonromantic relationships as well. I do agree, it's just that I tend to see it more in romantic ones probably because of Anatonormativity and the Sex-Romance Based Hierarchy? 

Anyways, thank you to those who answered for helping me out! 

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