neth Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 I recently realized I am aro and am now taking my time to conceptualize what this means to me and for me. I am someone who has a hard time connecting to my feelings in general so I pay more attention to my behavior for indicators of what I'm feeling. I realized recently that I am very judgmental about peoples relationships. I really tend to judge people who tell me about their romantic relationships and sometimes even romantic relationships in movies, tv, books, etc. I typically do feel grossed out or disgusted but I always thought it was because I found their relationships unhealthy and not the romance itself. I really enjoy seeing what I would define as "healthy" romance, though I think I have only met one couple in real life I genuinely admired or was pleased seeing, I find most of the "healthy" romance I enjoy in fiction. Slow burn, yearning, patient, individualistic type stuff (this may be a projection of my experiences with friendship). So the question I am posing is am I actually romance repulsed by modern romance or is most modern romance unhealthy? The second question is what does the experience of romance repulsion feel like for you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rolo Posted September 30, 2020 Share Posted September 30, 2020 Some romantic relationships are unhealthy, just like some platonic or familial relationships are unhealthy, but not most. Sounds like you have a very narrow and unrealistic idea of what a "healthy" relationship should look like. I'm not romance repulsed to I can't really say anything on that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJB Posted October 3, 2020 Share Posted October 3, 2020 (edited) You could be both. I get it I find most of the romance shown in real life just weird but books you get to see into someone's mind to have a type of insider's look it makes sense. I would try to listen to my loved ones more without assuming its unhealthy though that could be your own experience clouding it. Edited October 3, 2020 by SJB 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neth Posted October 5, 2020 Author Share Posted October 5, 2020 On 9/29/2020 at 11:08 PM, neth said: I recently realized I am aro and am now taking my time to conceptualize what this means to me and for me. I am someone who has a hard time connecting to my feelings in general so I pay more attention to my behavior for indicators of what I'm feeling. I realized recently that I am very judgmental about peoples relationships. I really tend to judge people who tell me about their romantic relationships and sometimes even romantic relationships in movies, tv, books, etc. I typically do feel grossed out or disgusted but I always thought it was because I found their relationships unhealthy and not the romance itself. I really enjoy seeing what I would define as "healthy" romance, though I think I have only met one couple in real life I genuinely admired or was pleased seeing, I find most of the "healthy" romance I enjoy in fiction. Slow burn, yearning, patient, individualistic type stuff (this may be a projection of my experiences with friendship). So the question I am posing is am I actually romance repulsed by modern romance or is most modern romance unhealthy? The second question is what does the experience of romance repulsion feel like for you? After much consideration I came to the conclusion that I am not technically romance repulsed (unless directed towards me, then I have a tendency to detach and dip rip) but rather many romantic relationships around me tend to have codependent tendencies. A lot of couples around me believe in merging, lack of space and boundaries, loss of individuality, etc. Codependency does run in my family so romance alligning with my experiences I was 100% turned off by the romantic relationships I have seen and experienced in real life. That being said, I would consider myself more romance positive due to genuinely enjoying seeing, hearing, reading romantic affection. I have felt joy from seeing people express being romantically in love. Oh, in reply to unhealthy relationships happening in nonromantic relationships as well. I do agree, it's just that I tend to see it more in romantic ones probably because of Anatonormativity and the Sex-Romance Based Hierarchy? Anyways, thank you to those who answered for helping me out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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