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I might be aro?


Guest miki
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Hello! I've been questioning if I'm aro for... well, about a year now.

I'll be 18 next month and I'm lesbian and demisexual, I'm 100% sure about that. I've never been interested in any guys and the idea of any physical activities (even with girls) makes me feel uncomfortable.

I have a social anxiety and I struggle with talking to people and socializing in general. I've had 3 crushes in the past, but I'm not sure if it's okay to call them crushes? All of them were my friends at the point when I started to feel 'something' for them. I never thought about kissing them or holding their hand (most physical interactions make me uncomfortable and I prefer to be asked beforehand, even if someone just wants to hug me), but I knew I wanted to have some kind of special connection with them - spend a lot of time with them, talk and just feel like I can be myself. I always called them crushes, but now that I think about it more, I might have just wanted a deeper friendship or a platonic relationship.

I've never been in a relationship. Well... only once I suppose. I confessed to my friend last year (one of those I thought I have a crush on) to see how it will go. After 3 days, I knew I couldn't do it anymore. I felt pressured to even hug her and while some light cuddling was okay with me, I just felt like she deserves better than me. I didn't really feel the need to touch her or kiss her, I only wanted to be in her company. Well, eventually one time she leaned in to kiss me, but I quickly turned away. She asked me why did I do that and I said that I need more time for this stuff. And after a week of some light touching and me being a bit disinterested and overthinking everything she was trying to do, she just gave up on me and found someone else after a few months.

That was the only 'relationship' I've ever experienced. 

I don't know how I feel about romance. I feel weird when I see people kiss in the public. I can't imagine myself going on dates. 

On the other hand, I enjoy reading about it and watching series and movies revolving around it (in other words, I'm a big shipper lol).

Exploring relationships between two characters and their dynamics is more enjoyable to me than the thought of myself being in a relationship. 

So, anyone else with similar experiences?

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Hi!

I just recently started to identify as aro but it sounds like we had some similar experiences so I hope that I can help you at least a little bit :)

3 hours ago, Guest miki said:

I have a social anxiety and I struggle with talking to people and socializing in general. I've had 3 crushes in the past, but I'm not sure if it's okay to call them crushes? All of them were my friends at the point when I started to feel 'something' for them. I never thought about kissing them or holding their hand (most physical interactions make me uncomfortable and I prefer to be asked beforehand, even if someone just wants to hug me), but I knew I wanted to have some kind of special connection with them - spend a lot of time with them, talk and just feel like I can be myself. I always called them crushes, but now that I think about it more, I might have just wanted a deeper friendship or a platonic relationship.

This sounds like what people generally call a 'squish'? It's basically the same principle as a crush but without all the romance bits.

3 hours ago, Guest miki said:

I've never been in a relationship. Well... only once I suppose. I confessed to my friend last year (one of those I thought I have a crush on) to see how it will go. After 3 days, I knew I couldn't do it anymore.

This sounds very similar to an experience I had. I went on a date with a girl and I generally had a lot of fun with her but after the second date I just couldn't imagine having a romantic relationship. She was nice and I wanted to continue being friends but that sadly didn't work out. I think she really liked me in a romantic sense so being friends wasn't an option for her which I can understand. She didn't take it too well and back then I felt a lot of guilt but in retrospect I am glad I broke things off so early. I wouldn't have been able to give her what she wanted and it would've been unfair for the both of us.

3 hours ago, Guest miki said:

I don't know how I feel about romance. I feel weird when I see people kiss in the public. I can't imagine myself going on dates. 

On the other hand, I enjoy reading about it and watching series and movies revolving around it (in other words, I'm a big shipper lol).

This here is exactly why it's been hard for me to accept being aro or well why it actually still is hard for me. I've always liked romance, liked reading about it and join in on fandom stuff, ship people and so on. It's still a thing I like a lot but I realised that I myself can't have something like it. Bc while I liked it a lot in stories I started to notice that I couldn't imagine myself doing all these things. And that realisation did hurt.
Idk if you felt that too but I always kinda expected myself to end up in a relationship? Partially bc everybody told me I would and partially bc it was portrayed as that one thing that is so good and will make me so happy. And I wanted that, I wanted to experience that happiness. I just couldn't find a single person who I could imagine being with. So while I imagined myself in relationships it never became anything concrete and eventually I realised that I was just lying to myself. 
So I am starting to learn that there are other ways to be happy and that I don't need a romantic connection to have a good fulfilling life. But that also doesn't mean that I can't still enjoy romance in media. There are a lot of aro people who do, who aren't romance repulsed and that is ok and valid. You aren't any less aro for liking romance stuff. 

Anyway so I hope I made some sense here and I hope this helped you at least a little bit?

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I identified with both of you. I'm a big shipper and I really like romance, but I really have an interest in all kind of relationships. 

I like the "sensual part" of a romantic relationship but talking about the "love" part it makes me uncomfortable, like I dont get it that much. 

My last relationship lasted 4 years and at a moment I actually feel love? And when I ended it for unrelated bussiness I felt like I stop loving him a long time ago, it was confusing. Now I'm in a relationship and I thought it was a type of a crush situation but now I'm confused lol

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