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Does like-like mean they actually like me?


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So, I'm aroace (completely and totally, I've never had anything approaching a crush in my life) and currently in a QPR with a fantastic and amazing person. It's the first relationship I've been in and I really care about her a lot--more for her mind than anything else. I love the bantering, inside jokes, hugs, holding hands, etc, and tho I don't have a crush on her, the...queerplatonic? attraction is up there. But I'm still not a romantic person (no rose colored glasses or hearts in my eyes, I've gone into this relatively clear headed, I think). 

She's biro and demisexual, and definitely has feelings for me in both ways. I don't really feel pressured into doing anything, I know we can work together to find where we're both comfortable, but here's the thing: if she has feelings for me, how do I know that she actually cares about ME. Like, I've never had a crush or sexual feelings, but I know that sometimes they come without actually liking the person. People get crushes on people they don't even know, and see them as better than they are because of it. 

I went into this knowing her flaws and mine, and knowing that she was a person I wanted to be with regardless. But without having a crush, would she have done the same? 

I just. Crushes sound so FAKE. Like oh wow a person I barely know, guess I've got butterflies and want to be with them all the time. And I know they happen, I guess, but I have no idea and no context for whether those feelings mean something. Are they even real? Would she like me without them? If they go away, will she realize that she doesn't like me enough?

I just. Yeah. Would appreciate input from both aros and alloromatics. Cause I certainly have no clue what the hell I'm doing. 

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I don't have much experience with dating or crushes and I've yet to be in a QPR myself, but, well. It sounds like you and your zucchini knew each other fairly well prior to entering this relationship, which leads me to believe that she wouldn't have been friends with and entered into a QPR with you unless she did, in fact, like you as a person

Also, while again I have no personal experience, I am a bit of a Romantic who has read copious amounts of fanfiction (not necessarily the best reference, I know, but I promise its good stuff), and my understanding of crushes is that while they might sometimes be formed based on aesthetic attraction and a limited understanding of someone's personality, that doesn't last into relationships without said relationship falling apart. Your QPR sounds fairly stable other than this insecurity, based on what you've said, so I honestly doubt this is a problem.

In the end, though, I'm going to give you the same advice I give everyone who's concerned about their relationship - TALK TO HER

Communication is key in any relationship, and the fact of the matter is that if you can't trust her to tell the truth when you ask about these things, you have a problem - be it between you two or just flat out anxiety. If the former, being concerned with her crush on you may be the least of your problems, and if the latter, my condolences my dude, but that's something you have to work on yourself. But the fact of the matter is, you can sit here and worry and mull over her feelings all you want, but in the end all you'll have is your own conclusions. You won't know the truth about how she feels unless you ask her.

Hope this helps, and best of luck! 

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