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I'm aromantic but sexual


Jessaromantic123
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Hello!

I recently figured out I was aromantic. I never really picture myself in a relationship now or in the future, I had a boyfriend for 2 weeks in the summer and I was just very uncomfortable, and I think romance is ew for me but I will still see cuteness in other couples. However, I LOVE sex.  I have a tough time finding stuff on aromantics alone. Most of the resources I do see are geared towards aromantic/asexuals. Am I alone? I can't be.

 

How do you manage this? how do you tell family/friends without sounding like someone who has lots of meaningless sex? Do I even tell them? 

 

Also, I hooked up with my ex last night and felt nothing, not even lust, but enjoyed the sex. We're gonna try the friends with benefits thing. But I feel guilty. He's sooo sweet. How can I feel NOTHING?

 

Any other tips would be appreciated.

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Hi, there's definitely more poeple like you, who are aro and allosexual (not asexual), I'm one of them and there are more people like us on the forums :) It's just that the term aromanticism was first used among asexual people, so it's where all the resources and people started gathering. AUREA is a website for all aromantic people, no matter the sexuality (or lack thereof) and here is a website with information on being an allosexual aromantic person specifically.

 

About telling your family/friends - how open to sex in general are they? People who don't judge others for having sex without a romantic relationship first (so one night stands, friends with benefits) may be more open to the idea that you want to have sex without the relationships. I wouldn't describe it as meaningless either - if it was meaningless to you would you care to have it? You say you love it, so you could try to explain that you just enjoy it, if you want to. As for coming out as aromantic, I know some people just say they don't do relationships, you may do that and may say that there's a word for it - aromantic. You may let people see that you mean it, and they can just get used to it.

 

You say you feel guilty, is that nothing? You just don't have romantic feelings or in this case also lusty feelings for him - that's okay. As long as you're on the same page, you can enjoy the sex and the sweetness, because you both agreed to it!

Here's also a thread on this forum about allosexual aromanticism:

 

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I'm a sexual aromantic. I'm very interested in sex (HUGE understatement, actually) but feel no romantic attraction and never wanted a boyfriend. I'm still hoping to finally find somebody to sleep with me no strings attached. I'd love to have "lots of meaningless sex". lol

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