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What even is this

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Allllrighty where do I start... ok so there's this guy, right? And he's cute. I believe I'm on the aro spectrum, but uh, I get real awkward. Around any, cute as in aesthetically pleasing guys? I'd kinda like him to be my QPP, if I could even talk to him normally. I've recently been fond of the idea of a QPR. Idk, I've labelled him as a crush for I think 8 years, but now I'm questioning. I keep telling myself to see him as a possible friend, but something else is still there, which I had been trying to stop feeling.

I'm a bit romance repulsed, and feel uncomfortable if I imagine someone actually kissing me on the lips or something. And I'm extremely sex repulsed. I'm 16, if that makes any difference. 


So yeah, I'm not sure if I left anything out, but I haven't found a suiting label, or even what the feeling is and why I feel it. Feel free to ask other questions if it'll help get an answer. Thanks!


Edit: I remember now that I daydreamed kissing him and other romantic/sexual things before I fell asleep, but that's because I didn't keep my mind in check. I alienated my actual real life thoughts and feelings from my...other mind?... in those moments. I would remember what I daydreamed when I woke up, and be disgusted. Now when I daydream, it's not with him, and I keep my actual feelings and stuff. 


That was probably confusing. I have this other version of myself in my head, I guess who I wish I could be or something? So that 'me' is disconnected from the actual me for the most part. If I don't keep myself in check, which I do more often. My daydreams now consist of sensual stuff, and QPRs. I think that's it.

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12 minutes ago, Spirit of God said:

What you're feeling for this guy could be sensual.




Also, welcome to Arocalypse! There's an infinite amount of :aroicecream: here, so feel free to take as much as you want!

See yeah, um I think I would feel pretty weirded out if it was sensual... like I'm only sensual with people VERY close to me, that is, my best friend who I would consider my QPP, and my mom...

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