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Need advice!!


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so i started dating this girl a few months ago (we met online and we constantly text and video chat) but about a few weeks ago i realized i was only really sensually and aesthetically attracted to her. i identified  as pansexual and polyamorous up until about a week ago when i started questioning again. i think im at least grey romantic or something like that. i wouldnt mind having her as my qpp or something but i mentioned it a few days ago and she still refers to me as her girlfriend. im not romantically attracted to her at all but idk how to tell her that because even tho i told her ive started identifying as aromantic shes still calling me gf and it makes me uncomfortable for some reason. i could really use some advice... 

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I dated my best friend for a while, but it never felt quite right most of the time when i saw her was at school anyway where we pretended to be just friends TM which was why she eventually broke up with me because she felt we were more friends than lovers. It was rough for a week and then we were best friends again and i felt a lot better not being in a relationship. So my advice would be to tell her how you feel and try to hang on to your friendship, just don't push it to much in the beginning and give her a little bit of space if she needs it, but make it clear that you still want to be friends. Staying with her even tho it doesn't feel right will just make you miserable. 

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You really really need to make sure she respects your boundaries. Make it explicitly clear you are not comfortable with being referred to as her girlfriend. If she persists in doing so, or if you find it too difficult to express that to her, I'd advise you to break up with her. Especially as aromantic people we need to be super careful about people who don't respect our identities or the complications they bring to relationships. It sounds harsh I know, but I've been in a position before where I didn't state my boundaries clear enough in a relationship and it lead to a bad time for me. If you don't feel that you can communicate with a partner, or if they don't respect what you do communicate, that's a red flag. With that disclaimer out of the way, all is not lost! As chinchilla says, your partner may need time to adjust to a new type of relationship with you. She may need to be educated before she feels comfortable navigating a QPR with you. You could try explaining your situation further, perhaps writing down what you want to say beforehand or planning it in your head? letters tend to help me explain my feelings but it's different for everyone. Please take care of yourself and feel free to ask for more advice.

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