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Confused where I fall


MandraSedai
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I'm so confused. I'm considering the fact that I may be aromantic.

 

I've been having a bit of an existential crisis in my head for a while now and I don't know why this is so important to me, but I'm a mess and confused and I just feel like I need a word that fits my perception of myself. I had always assumed that I was the default heteroromantic heterosexual cisgender person, because I was never exposed to anything else growing up. I just thought I was delayed in my development for these kinds of feelings and all that jazz. Except I now know I'm not. I'm an agendered person who's deeply uncomfortable with their bio-sex features, I'm 110% asexual, and I'm massively baffled by romance. I can't even define wtf romance or "romantic" feelings are. 
 
Can somebody help me think this through?

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10 hours ago, shewolf said:

Do you experience what you think may be romantic attraction or emotons or is that the part that is baffling you a lot? What it means / feels to have those romantic feelings?

I'm mostly baffled because I don't know if I've ever experienced romantic feelings. I don't know how they feel? Or at least I don't think I do? I guess I'm really confused because they've never been actually clearly defined, so that I can say a solid yes or no. It seems nobody knows what they actually are and that they vary from person to person. And even though I kinda agree with that, I don't think I've ever actually felt "real" romantic attraction. By "real" I mean, I don't think I've ever felt romantically when in previous relationships. I fell some degree of aesthetic attraction, definitely companionate love, and sensual attraction. But I can't seem to identify with romantic love or attraction? So, by all means this points to me being aromantic. But still, I'm rather confused because of "Society" pushing such an importance on romance. All I've ever been "taught" or exposed to is that the "default" is to feel romantically toward your partners or special people.

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