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MandraSedai's Achievements


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  1. Emotional affection/intimacy? Existing in the same area as somebody that I love and trust? (and they feel mutually) Due to my life circumstances I am unfortunately "alone" for most of the day for most days of the week. (I'm currently unemployed but actively searching/working on it) My roommate has a demanding full-time job. Most of my friends have some sort of job. And when they're all not working, they're exhausted, understandably so. In the meantime while though, while unemployed, I just started the process of becoming a volunteer at a local animal shelter. So... I'm hoping that'll help me feel better to at least get out of the house? Maybe the animal cuddles and caring for the animals will help? And maybe meeting other volunteers? I don't really know other than that.
  2. The heading pretty much sums it up. I don't really know what else to say? I'm so lonely. Although I know I have friends that love and care about me. I still feel so lonely and isolated and I don't know why. It really f*cking sucks. I don't know how to just suck it up and get over my loneliness. I keep in frequent contact with my friends. I go out with them as often as life circumstances allow. And yet I still feel so alone, isolated, unwanted, unimportant, and all that crap. What the heck it wrong with me?
  3. Unfortunately, I can relate to the feelings of loneliness. I don't really have advice on how to overcome the feeling though. But you're not alone? So that's a thing. Sorry for the rather uninteresting response.
  4. To begin, I should say that I have chronic mental illnesses that like to crop up in severity from time to time. In regards to my sexuality, I used to think for the longest time it was because I wasn't mentally or physically well that I had no sexual attraction to anybody or anything. I thought that once I achieved the state of "better" that it would "return". Here's the catch, I never experienced sexual attraction in the first place. It was because I was programmed to be believe that sexual is the default state of people. So, obviously, I thought, I had to be sexual even though I never experienced that type of attraction before.... maybe I was just a late bloomer. Similarly, I'm slowly trying to accept that I'm on the aromanticism spectrum as well. Lucky me, all the "A's". I've been told all my life that romantic orientations are the "default" for everybody. One day I'll find the right person. One day I'll fall in love (romantically). However, it just doesn't sit well with me. When I was younger, I firmly believed that it would "one day" happen.............. even though I never really felt anything more than what I now recognize as having squishes. I'm not quite sure where else I'm going with this mind-vomit... I guess I'll close with: I'm trying to be okay with not being "normal" and having the "default setting". I'm farther along in accepting my asexuality and I'm working on (starting?) accepting my aro-spec romanticism. I don't know, heh, there's so many layers and sides to human attraction. I'm not sure I'll ever fully understand this stuff, but the least I can do is try to be okay with myself having these feelings and also these lack of feelings.
  5. I'm mostly baffled because I don't know if I've ever experienced romantic feelings. I don't know how they feel? Or at least I don't think I do? I guess I'm really confused because they've never been actually clearly defined, so that I can say a solid yes or no. It seems nobody knows what they actually are and that they vary from person to person. And even though I kinda agree with that, I don't think I've ever actually felt "real" romantic attraction. By "real" I mean, I don't think I've ever felt romantically when in previous relationships. I fell some degree of aesthetic attraction, definitely companionate love, and sensual attraction. But I can't seem to identify with romantic love or attraction? So, by all means this points to me being aromantic. But still, I'm rather confused because of "Society" pushing such an importance on romance. All I've ever been "taught" or exposed to is that the "default" is to feel romantically toward your partners or special people.
  6. I'm so confused. I'm considering the fact that I may be aromantic. I've been having a bit of an existential crisis in my head for a while now and I don't know why this is so important to me, but I'm a mess and confused and I just feel like I need a word that fits my perception of myself. I had always assumed that I was the default heteroromantic heterosexual cisgender person, because I was never exposed to anything else growing up. I just thought I was delayed in my development for these kinds of feelings and all that jazz. Except I now know I'm not. I'm an agendered person who's deeply uncomfortable with their bio-sex features, I'm 110% asexual, and I'm massively baffled by romance. I can't even define wtf romance or "romantic" feelings are. Can somebody help me think this through?
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