TerribleWerewolf

I'm afamilial I care about them, I do to an extent. But I would really love going non contact with them and growing up I really did heavily lean into the whole "Were a family and I love you!!" *Kisses kisses* and now I can't. I can't do it, I even hate saying "I love you" or "love ya" to any of them. I hate it it makes me want to puke every time and the words are just hollow. Also fun fact I know for sure that if my mom drops dead tomorrow I wouldn't even cry. Honestly I don't know if that's to do with the afamilial or the fact that for 3/4 years I constantly daydreamed that my mom, step dad, dad, and brother had died and I was by myself. I was maybe 12-15 years old at the time when I did that and at the same time with the daydreams I was going around saying "love ya" all the time. Also it's not fun right now as my mom and step dad are having relationship problems and it's very hard. It makes me feel like a villain because if I ever try to explain this to them, it's not gonna go well.