Arwiel

Thank you :)

Thank you for your kind response. I think I "desire to desire sex in real life", if you get what I mean? I WANT to desire it and I do long for it, but at the same time not. :/ I will look into aegoromantic, I have heard about aegosexual and guess it is like the same thing? But one mor toward sex? And thank you for the link :)

Hi, I hope it is okay to ask this in this group. I need support but Don't have anyone close to ask.😊 Thru a girl in Sweden I found this website. I asked her the same question, and it helped alot. But wanna know what others also may think. I suspect that I am aromantic. I have for long wondered why I don't fall in love or feel attraction to others. I have never had a real crush or as young understood why "I had to think that guys in school are hot". The few times I have tried dating it has felt artificial and unnatural. Although in theory I turn on sexual intimacy and apreciate love, it was "meh" once I tried it. It has felt neither good nor bad, but more towards "what is this? How can people like this?" I have at times faked to enjoy sex, just because I felt ashamed to not love it. I have never had a real relationship. I've thought it might be low self-esteem which prevents me from dating, but now I realize it's probably more than that.🤔 Although I can fantasize about sex, I realize that the romantic part is often missing in terms of romantic gestures. There are strong emotional ties, but I rarely fantasize about a bouquet of flowers. Rather, a shift in power, d/s dynamics and so on. I think we all have our fantasies, if you're not totally asexual? At first I thought I was just asexual, but fornan example masturbation is not a problem for me and not fictitious love like in Books. I can fantasize and dream. However, I am totally uninterested in heterosexual romance in books and movies. It doesn't affect me at all. I love what are called m/m novels, BL, manwa. That is Romance between men. To read and to write. And when I was young I loved twilight and Edward Cullen, but then there was probably something about the mysterious and supernatural. I've realized that these 2 types of romances are as far from me as it can be as a straight woman. Romance between gay men or fantasy creatures. Could it be a sign that I am distancing myself from myself and thus like romance? When it isn't "reality for me"?🤔 And that I "live out my fantasies" in the books I write? Do my characters "love for me"? I'm 32, never been in love, never had a crush unless the men are 1. Fictional, 2. Celebrities I'll never meet. I think intimacy between 2 people is almost disgusting at times, I can't understand it. Unless it's fictional or men. If you who are aro think I might be aromantic too, what spectrum do you think I belong in? I can list some of the "symptoms" I think I have. Sometimes I'm sad because I WANT to fall in love and find someone, but it never happens and at the same time I'm happy about it?😐🤨 *I love roman novels with smut if it's gay, not my own gender *Never been in love *I can find celebrities/characters attractive, but never people I meet irl. I see if they look good, but only objectively *When people ask what I like in men, I can't directly answer, sometimes I say that manly arms are sexy. Though I do know what I don't like in men's apperance *I fantasize about romance with often kinky elements such as dominance, but more focus on sex than like a bouquet of flowers. So "romance" becomes more of an emotional bond between two lovers *I think straight romance is meh. On film, people on the street and so on. *If I see couples cuddle or be intimate with each other, I can be reluctantly disgusted, if it isn't men. *The few times "I've had sex" have been meh. Not been dry or anything but not comfortable or worried either. Rather Apathetic. It felt odd and unnatural to be touched - not at all like in my fantasies. *Making out feels disgusting and just weird *My curiosity about serious sex came in young adulthood but more properly after 25. First attempt at intercourse around age 29 *I have more kinky fantasies than cute romantic situations like cute dates, but with strong emotional ties in terms of trust *I like the idea of true love, but nothing I've experienced *I am not interested in dating but like appreciation - like being seen. But will get extremely uncomfortable if someone compliments me in such way. I want to see if there are others like me out there? I feel alone in this🥺 I am from Sweden so english is not my mother tongue, though I understand it😊