Ted guy

The worst I've ever had was back at university. 

There was a girl who would follow me around and take pictures of me, pretending it was something different.

My cousin sat behind her in one class and saw her zooming in on pictures of me the entire class.

When I was around her, she said things indicating she was only happy around me, and that she had been dealing with suicidal thoughts.

I was still a teenager and didn't know how to handle the situation like i would now, it really freaked me out at the time. 

You guys got any stories?

I feel as an aro, we are kind of immune to those obsessive thoughts.

1 hour ago, DeltaAro said:

Of course, many or even most allos don't engage in such behavior. But there's a minority that is titillated by the thought of trying a "forbidden fruit".

Yes, and because of this she thinks she's allowed to do stuff that actually fits the definition of sexual harassment.

Totally normal... not.

Those are interesting answers that put it into a perspective I didn't think about.

Forbidden fruit..interesting

8 hours ago, SwiftySpeedy said:

uhhh... I don't really know how to help you but if I were in that situation I would probably bolt I'm serious I would literally just bolt.

That's for sure what I would have done when I was younger.

I guess I'm becoming de-sensitized to it because what she did isn't that uncommon out here.

I think its better if you keep it private.

I've thought about outing myself, but its true when they say "some things are better left unsaid"

My co-worker was never keen on the guy she was set to get married, and she has always liked me over the years.

She tried to kiss me on the lips at work, where I just pulled away.

Then she kept complaining about the guy she is with, and would be "can't you just marry me and have 2 wives?"

She wasn't joking.

I would just politely laugh her off.

But instead it made her mad and she threw garbage at my head, and now has blocked off contact from me.

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I keep telling you guys, this stuff is so foreign to my aromantic mind.

Why the heck would I want 2 wives and why on earth would she want that kind of drama.

She is a pretty lady. She looks like the singer pink, except long hair.

I find everyone weird except myself (when it comes to romance)

I'm sorry you are going through this. I dont know much about Grey.

What's the difference between that and aro

5 minutes ago, SwiftySpeedy said:

seems like my worst nightmare.

You enjoy being aromantic ah?

1 hour ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

(Googles causticum) Ah! So you're feeding a child lye. YEAH I THINK SHE MIGHT ACT A LITTLE DIFFERENT IF YOU'RE POISONING HER YOU DIPSHIT. STOP IMMEDIATELY AND TAKE THAT KID TO A DOCTOR.

No no no, the homeopathic remedy causticum.

It's in a dilution where there isn't causticum in it (whatever potency they make it)

That's why there is argument homeopathy is just sugar pills, which i understand the argument.

Lol you made me laugh though

6 hours ago, DeltaAro said:

Homeopathy isn't really folk medicine, but a system of alternative medicine conceived by the 18th century German physician Samuel Hahnemann.

It's based on the idea that "likes cures like", e.g. drinking coffee can cause you trouble falling asleep. Therefore, coffee should be used against insomnia.

Now, most people probably wonder: doesn't this approach just make everything worse?

But homeopathic medicines are extremely heavily diluted substances. Imagine one drop of coffee mixed in the Atlantic Ocean.

Of course, since you can repetitively dilute a dilution, you don't actually need that much water. Take 1/100 from a solution and dilute it, take from 1/100 from this dilution and dilute it, etc.

And again, most people probably wonder: how can a substance which is so extremely diluted have any effect at all?

Well, Hahnemann believed that the way the substances were diluted, with violent shaking, would activate the vital energy of the substance - the more you dilute a substance the more powerful it gets.

Obviously, homeopathic principles are very different from conventional medicine (and even common sense).

Because of the dilutions, criticism of homeopathy is never that it is harmful by itself, but that it doesn't work. It is "just" the placebo effect - though this effect can be pretty strong, especially for mental conditions. But some people may waste precious time trying out homeopathy for serious illnesses.

E.g. Steve Jobs should've been immediately operated for his cancer. Instead, he delayed surgery for 9 months trying such approaches, which likely worsened his prognosis.

Undiluted, yes. But if you do not believe in the principles of homeopathy, all he ingested were sugar pills.

It seems to be standard treatment in homeopathy for "repressed emotions" (such a stupid trope that aromanticism is about this).

I don't know if you're indicating you don't believe in homeopathy.

But there is a toddler with autism in my family and she changes drastically when we give her causticum. She doesn't know we are giving her anything.

It was by seeing this i decided to try it, but I understand if you don't believe it.

8 hours ago, Ikarus said:

@Ted guyWow, staphysagria sounds like one hell of a remedy. Did your change happen suddenly or gradually?

When did you first notice a difference and how did it feel? 

Well, what I was seeing him for was ADHD with auditory processing problems.

The next day I felt really different, I was experiencing some kind of euphoria.

By day 3 I felt a lot more emotional as a whole, and more confident in myself.

Maybe around day 5 I noticed I was attracted to people I'm usually not.

It Made me kinder and more affectionate to my wife, as I just felt more emotions to her.

It's really hard to explain, but as I said, it went away after 3 weeks.

It was weird being attracted to people who usually are as attractive as a chair to me at baseline.

20 minutes ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Does he, um, have an actual doctorate in anything or is he just handing shit out willy nilly? Lmao. If you think you're having some hormonal problems with sexual arousal and would like medical assistance (because that's what staphisagria does), that's something you can talk to your primary physician about, but probably not best to leave it to weird scam artists.

And before anyone comes at me about something something colonialism or whatever, I'm pagan and latina. I very much believe in folk medicine, I just think you should always be aware and careful with what you put into your body, and "homeopathy" is usually code for "pyramid scheme where some unlicensed fuck tells you that rubbing essential oils on your skin (NEVER DO THIS) will cure your cancer". Take care.

Doctorate. 

Either way, even if he just handed me some shit, it was AWESOME! 

lol

There is a popular homeopathic doctor where I'm from. I have other problems I was seeing him for.

Surprisingly, he asked me about my attraction to people.

I told him I don't find women attractive like I want to. I lost almost all of it when I was sexually abused when I was younger.

I also lack emotion (I've wondered if I'm a psychopath, but I do feel empathy).

He said he believes a lot of my problem is suppressed emotions, so he gave me staphysagria. 

WHOA!!!!!!!

I spent the next 3 weeks drooling at women everywhere I went. 

I was completely attracted to a co-worker, who I wasn't before, among other people. 

The emotions and everything were intense and very pleasurable.

I've now gone back to being to how i was before, no emotion and a lack of attraction.

But I cant wait to follow up with this doctor soon.

1 hour ago, Isa1116 said:

I've come out to a few people. Mainly my siblings, cousin and a few friends. My friend are pretty ok with it but my family, though being 'ok' with it, doesn't seem to like it.

I think you should see if the people you want to tell are ok with the lgbtq+ community. Like, subtly bring it into conversation? Or maybe specifically bring up a-spec? Good luck with that though! :)

A long time ago my brother brought up thinking I might be asexual (because he couldn't understand why I never wanted a girlfriend).

I dismissed the idea because I am attracted to women, but its mostly aesthetic attraction. It's very hard to reach sexual attraction, but it does happen.

Because of that I didn't know I was aromantic until somebody told me online. Because of that I might bring it to him, but yeah I think my family won't be overly cool with it (as you mentioned)

I've considered outing myself as an aro in my real life. 

I think "some things are better left unsaid".

A couple reasons I don't want to: I don't think my wife or family would understand. They might interpret that I'm completely lost to the world of love and feel nothing.

It's just misinterpretations.  People don't understand what you're going through until they're in your shoes.

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Reasons I want to: I'm worried I've offended a lot of people in the past, some women thinking we had a connection. It turned out I didn't feel that way and I think they took it to heart.

Perhaps outing myself would offer them consolation.

8 minutes ago, Keith said:

Hmm, that's a tough one. I have a big trouble with naming my feelings, but I'm sure of one thing - I feel a strong desire for a close relationship with someone, but like not romantically. Maybe a QPR? Or just a close friendship? I'm not sure how to name it, but yeah, I definitely want that.

I don't think I feel any sexual attraction, or at least not to people in my surrounding, and the same goes for romantic attraction. I do however get some kind of platonic attraction (I think I can call it that). I just sometimes feel the need to get closer to a certain person, because I'm amazed by their humor or just their personality in general. I'd also say that I experience aesthetic attraction, and it's similar to your physical attraction.

I might also experience platonic love, because I feel like I love my friends.

P.S. I'm really sorry if I messed up some of the definitions. 

No worries. That's the answer I'm looking for. I've never researched aesthetic attraction, but it might be what I feel.

I  feel some things, but they're diluted.

I just don't have the range other people have.

1. I feel platonic love....I have no idea how it would compare to romantic love

2. I get crushes but they are short lived. On average they last a month. I haven't had a lasting crush in 12 years.

3. I do feel physical attraction to women but it's diluted and it fades as I get used to their looks. However, the attraction usually doesn't matter to me (like I won't care that I'm attracted to that person)

4. I do feel enough that I can survive in a relationship with a lot of requirements.

12 hours ago, nonmerci said:

Not really. I had a crush I think a long time ago, so I felt what it feels like and honestly? I don't think it is any more special than I don't know, see a pastry and want to eat it. Now I probably didn't have the most intense crush in the world, but still, I think a lot of things can make me feel just as good, if not more.

I also don't find thar fascinating. It just something I don't relate to, like people liking golf.

I also occasionally get a crush on someone but generally it is short lived and diluted.

I do feel some sexual attraction to women but no romantic attraction, which makes it more interesting trying to figure out what part of the equation I'm missing.

Despite not being able to feel romance or understand it, I find it so fascinating, wondering what people feel.

2 minutes ago, Neon said:

My best advice here is to be upfront. Be explicit that you only see them as a friend. You don't have to out yourself, just say something like "yeah, I love to hang out with my friends".

That's good too

7 minutes ago, Atypique said:

Well... Seeing someone at Christmas could seem like a date and a romantic thing, but if your friend was there too then there's no point in that. 

 

I guess your only option is to stick with an allo friend that can interpret the implicit for you

Yes. I haven't revealed in my life being an aro. It might have to come up at some point, your point makes me feel

Dating is relatively loose where I come from.

I've had times where a girl essentially thought I was dating her, when I didn't have a clue she felt that way.

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Like for example, in college, I met back up with someone I went to high school with.

I was bored for Christmas break and messaging people for stuff to do.

She messaged me and we were talking about hanging out for Christmas supper etc.

Then we hung out with her cousin (my best friend at the time) and I kept leaving because I wasn't feeling good from my meds.

There had been NO talk of love, romance, or anything at all.

But my friend messaged me the week later, saying she was upset and wasn't sure if she could be in a relationship someone who was running from her like me. She thought I was her boyfriend.

WHAT!?!?!?!?!

I quickly proceeded to message her I just looked at her as a friend. I didn't know that was what she thought.

But that's happened to me many times.

From my perception it is SO STRANGE, and I bet most people reading, you feel the same way.

Now that I'm aware of being aro, I'm always confused what other people think.

I'm just wordering if anyone relates.

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As I said on my other posts, because I'm not able to understand the perception of non-aros, I'm worried about getting in trouble.

I dont understand 70% of it.

I like being nice to people and my co-workers bringing them things like coffees and cupcakes etc. But now I'm worried they think it's me trying to bed them

3 hours ago, nonmerci said:

A romantic-like relationship or a QPR ? Not for me, I won't even try.

But am I friends with two people for years (though for one we only recently talk again after a long silence). We son't see each other a lot, once or twice each two months, but that's still friendship and that's sustainable.

I also have this with my parents and brother.

Yes, romantic.

But actually your answer is interesting..... I wonder if being an aro could make us lack the feeling of bonding in friendships too.

I am curious.

If I was single again, I would probably stay single.

Obviously, my needs are different than hers being an aro.

I don't need much affection.

16 hours ago, wjoy said:

would explaining your concerns to her be an option? i mean you don’t need to tell everything but telling her you want to avoid misunderstanding seems like an easiest way to end it fast in a civil way if you don’t want to wait for the problem to disappear by itself 

Probably the right thing to do, I guess I'm worried about hurting feelings

15 hours ago, Atypique said:

I personally think that this thing doesn't exist, but that may because I don't understand allos. 

Also, I'd say that two situations exist. She may be in the same situation as you and just staring at people to stare at people. Or she's willing to grow something between you. 

In both case, my reaction would be to just ignore her. If you never actually talked, then I would find really weird to just go to someone and say "just here to say that I'm interested" when she may not realize that the situation is ambiguous at all.

I haven't had anything entirely similar to your case, but I did have friends that wanted to be in a relationship with me when I didn't want to. I therefore have developed a huge paranoia to this kind of things. It's complicated because when you don't see signs you feel stupid and betrayed. But when you see signs, you feel egoistic and pretentious to think that everyone wants your butt

Yeah I agree with you. I'm going to ignore it.

It's hard to develop an opinion when our perceptions are different. 

I really don't understand what's going on in other peoples' heads.

Attraction is an interesting thing. Now that I'm aware I'm aromantic, I never know what the other person is thinking. Unless they are being completely open, I expect they feel nothing

16 hours ago, Ikarus said:

Well this might help, don’t look at her for more than 5 seconds if she’s not talking to you. Oh and If she talks to you just be honest and make your intentions crystal clear. That’s about all I can add. And always remember you can’t control what others do, you can only control your response to others. 
 

 

One more quick question. Why did you look at her, or did you stare? You thought she was pretty? Just wondering… Ya know there’s a difference. Socially speaking IF, not saying you did but IF you stared for 20 seconds, thats tops, kind of a long time wouldn't you say, how long are we talking.  👀  

 

I can totally get why shes hounding you if you totally stared, I mean she probably thinks your madly in love with her but your too shy to speak with her. 

If you continue to avoid her it could make her even stranger because allos get something called hard to get attraction. If your out of reach then she will want you more. I would probably approach her if I where you so she doesn’t get her hopes up or get more attracted and do something strange like buy you chocolates but hey that might be nice actually without the romance haha.
 

 

That's a good question. She is pretty, but mostly I was trying to figure out who she was and why she is always around 2 spots of the building lol (upstairs to downstairs, leaving early).

I glanced at her and took my eyes away when she saw me. But she is definitely pretty though.

Really, it's quite fascinating.

I really like trying to figure out what they're thinking, as long as nothing gets taken the wrong way.

I would be heart broken if I ever made someone uncomfortable and didn't know it.