atrocious_ar0mantic

On 12/12/2021 at 5:17 PM, Meylin said:

For instance, you are in a relationship as an aromantic and they an allo. Things I do like encouraging them to get their studdying done or them to get through a shift, the diction I use, and generall how I look.

They say it relatively often and I never felt the urge to reciprocate. Like, I've never found mondain things a partner does to be cute like they do, or even a normal look someone has to be cute. Is that a typical romantic thing?

It seems like something that's typically romance-coded in society. But personally, I find my friends pretty cute. Like sometimes when they're just chillin', or laughin' even. And it's not in a romo way, but typically in an overwhelmingly platonic, adoring way. 

One song I’m particularly invested in right now is “Clusterhug” by IDKHBTFM. The lyrics that resonate most with me are in this stanza- 

“Only if you'd like me to
I could fall in love with you
Only if you'd like me to
Fall in love.”

That really hit me because before I was familiar with aromanticism and aro-spec identities, I kept viewing romo attraction as something that I had to ‘work harder’ to feel. That somehow I could push myself, that if the right person came along, I could ‘invest’ into feeling it.

I think it’s variable depending on the participants, preference, and so on. I don’t use that term for my partner, but other people might.

On 11/21/2021 at 8:20 AM, roboticanary said:

oh, one thing I missed on the first part of this, why ask an aro. I think its less aro but more wanting advice from somone single.

never been deliberatly asked due to being aro but being asked due to being single seems quite common. There seems to be a thing where someone who wants the advice/space to vent does not want to talk to someone who is in an (outwardly) healthy relationship. Possiblly this is because them asking exposes problems in their relationship so they worry about shame or judgement if they ask a happy couple, but captain single here can't throw stones.

"captain single here can't through stones-" why is that iconic

On 8/29/2021 at 5:40 AM, SaltyArrow said:

Does anyone else cringe anytime anyone says 'just friends' or 'more than friends'? Like my friends say it all the time and I know they don't do it with malice and appreciate friendship but it still kinda makes me cringe

All the time. It implies a hierarchal structure with relationships, valuing romo ones as the highest, and platonic ones as the lowest. With platonic ones often being viewed as a stepping stone for romo ones, more often than not. And obviously completely excluding other types of relationships, ones that fall into gray areas or are another thing entirely (such as QPRs/QPPs)

On 11/17/2021 at 12:00 AM, ilse said:

Sometimes I think about getting one but get nervous at the thought of being questioned about it, the left middle finger is quite an unusual placement for a ring ?

Is it? I wasn't much of a ring wearer up until this point, so I never thought to think about it. 

On 11/17/2021 at 7:06 AM, blueberrydragon said:

I do! I have a ring that is a circle of small, white flowers, which I love because it usually flies  under people's radar. :)

That sounds lovely

On 11/17/2021 at 10:54 AM, Georgi said:

In the beginning I hesitated... both because I was feeling uncertain of my aro identity, but also because having a black ring on my right middle finger and a white one on my left middle finger would attract too much attention, especially as I don't wear jewelry in general... but then, I realized most of the pressure was coming from "what would people thing", so I said screw it... and now i have 2 chunky rings on my middle fingers and feel proud ;))) 

It never crossed my mind that the placement might look odd. Either or, we love that for you. I honestly quite like havin' an aro and an ace ring because it makes me feel ✨balanced ✨ One ring for each hand, and the opposite colors really did it for me. 

On 11/24/2021 at 7:24 PM, alto said:

Hi!  Aroace here.

And what a gross situation.

Honestly. I hate it. Especially to people I'm out to, who still persist in their weird pestering of my nonexistent romo and sexual pursuits. The people who don't fully grapple that no, I'm not choosing to be anything. I'm not "saving" myself. I won't "grow into it". I'm not a late bloomer, I'm not immature, I'm not incompetent. It's not just a general disinterest, I'm not attracted to anyone like that. And I wish people would consider the possibility that even if my identity and label does change- which is valid, people are fluid - it shouldn't invalidate my feelings and experiences now. 

But most of the people who insist that it will change are people who are thinking wishfully. Who hope it will change. And I wish they could accept the idea that it might never, that I'm not inherently lacking anything as a person on the basis of this orientation and label. It's not the label in itself that's sad, what's sad is peoples' persistence that I can't be fulfilled or content as a person without experiencing those types of attraction, and pursuing those types of relationships. 

On 11/12/2020 at 4:14 PM, PeepsInTheChiliPot said:

I just got my aroace pin in the mail! I really like it and I’m excited to put it on my bag. Anyone else have aro/ace trinkets? 

 

Not so much a trinket, but I do have an ace ring and an aro ring

On 5/7/2021 at 1:14 PM, Acecream said:

Hhpey, I just want to leave this text here...

bc I feel like it has some very good points and I thought some of you might like it, too. Feel free to share what you think about it!
 

it’s from an aroace perspective so I thought it’s maybe better here than in another thread, but I don’t know the thread-structure of this forum that well haha

the article

 

” And yet, most aroace people we get to know or heard about or read about – they mostly and firstly identify as ace. We ponder why this is the case? Why aromanticism feels less important to them in this amatonormative world? We can’t get our head around this concept. We are aroace too, but thinking about it – we feel more aro than ace. Aromanticism is about relationships. It’s about friendships we have that won’t turn into another kind of relationship – a romantic one. We feel fine about them being ‘just’ friendships, but also we ponder if this doesn’t make our friends feel like ‘they don’t have a chance’ in a romantic sense, with us. And we ponder if they won’t put as much heart and work into those friendships as we do – because even if they’re not romantically interested in us, they would be in someone else. And then maybe they see those romantic relationships as needing more from them than any friendship would. Maybe not. But we ponder that nonetheless.“
 

i personally “started” my journey by identifying more ace than aro as well - but it changed through the last weeks/month. I am happy when I see ace representation, but I am searching for aro-rep and i do not find it. I am happy when others understand asexuality, but I want them to understand aromanticism - and I don’t know how. People understand that asexuality is a sexuality and that I CAN know I am ace - but I want them to understand that I CAN know I am aro despite I have not met every person in the world yet. I want people to differ their sexual from their romantic orientation, even if they are heteroromantic heterosexual - bc if they don’t, I feel as if I would not exist. As if aromanticism could not exist.

i am happy for every ace-meeting or ace-group - but I want to have aro-meetings and as far as I’ve seen, there is NO aro community in my country. Nothing. At least aros can join ace spaces but I want to have a soecific aro-area, I want to meet Aros, even alloromantic aros, I want to hear their experiences, their happy endings, I want to hear how they discover friendships, I want to talk about them.

i want to talk about aromanticism.

I appreciate that point. And that quote from above, about how most aroaces began labeling with asexual (or a label on the asexual spectrum) first and foremost is really accurate. For me, I used to say that I "never knew where my asexuality ended and my romantic orientation began." My sexual orientation and romantic orientation always felt one in the same, even when I didn't consider that I could also be lacking in romo attraction. And now that I know that about myself, that I am aroace, I do tend to dip more into the aro aspect of my queer identity. And as you mentioned, really begin to realize truly how little aro representation and spaces there really is.

I think part of it might be the general consensus that ace and ace-spec people who do experience romo attraction "redeem" themselves. That there's hope, that they're not a "lost cause", that they can "compensate". 

On 5/1/2021 at 4:05 AM, Erederyn said:

Hey all! So I've been working on a challenging amatonormativity guide and it is done, wooo. I'm posting this here because it is aimed at alloromantic folks (although could be useful for aros dealing with internalized amatonormativity). I'm hoping that allies that will use this guide in order to not only be better allies to aros, but to also actively challenge their own amatonormative standards. 

Feel free to share it, especially with people in your life who could benefit from learning about amatonormativity. And if there is anyone on the forums who consider themselves an ally to aros, please consider engaging with this material and spreading it in your circles. Challenging amatonormativity is not the responsibility of the aro community alone!

https://gracesofluck.wordpress.com/2021/04/29/challenging-amatonormativity-a-beginners-guide/

I can't emphasize enough how informative and well-executed this was

“A Ok” has been my favorite so far, in terms of hearing other peoples’ experiences. On the other hand, if anybody knows of any fantasy / story podcasts with aro/ace characters I’d love recommendations. 

Do any other aro-spec folks wear a white ring on their left middle finger as a subtle way of showing pride? Or as a way to flag down other aro folks?