Hey...
So ... hum ... Well first, sorry if I make some mistakes while writing ( English isn't my birth langage ).
I still don't know if I can say I am cupioromantic for I only learned about this today but this conversation, like, rang a bell for me...
I absolutely love romance, it's my favorite type of fiction, plus I love to help my friends with their crushs and all ! Several time I dreamt of being in the arms of someone and it felt so nice ! I really craved to finally live one of those romance and be in a happy couple... and I've tried...
My three only "romantic experience" were absolutely catastrophic...
All of them friends who confessed to me... which made me feel butterflies and all but with time after the breakup I noticed that those butterflies weren't because I had feelings for them but surely for my love of romance itself...
Each of them, by the moment we became a "thing" being with them felt just so ... oppressing... every physical contact felt like torture and several time made want to puke...
Every time I had to see or talk to them ( irl or not ) I just panicked so much that my stomach hurt, the tears would come as well as the irregular breathing...
I had the impression of being trapped or that I had to give them a special part of me, a special part of my attention but that I just couldn't.
Multiple times I thought that if it continued like that I would faint so I ignored the whole thing ( by fleeing them )until either me or them had the gut to breakup...
Due to that I just felt so SO horrible that I wanted to punch myself... but at the same time I felt so relieved that it was all over !
That's why I don't know ... am I like this because I just can't recognize love or is it because I am actually cupioromantic...?
Can I continue to hope that I'll get to my happy romantic couple dream or should I try to ... get over it ?
If it's not too much I would like to have your opinion...
I'm really lost...
Well thank you for having read all of this.
