Samu

I am trying to define what a queerplatonic relationship is for me, since I recently got attached to someone. Let me give some context.

So this person is my classmate. Since the moment I saw them I felt a strong aesthetic attraction, and I thought it would be nice if we could share some affection and company. Apparently, they felt the same towards me, and when we both admitted this we kind of began having a "special" relationship.

We kissed, did some stuff over the phone and talked about sex. We were open to it whether we were friends or partners, let's say. They were also very kind to me and I got attached due to all of this. 

The thing is that I don't think what I felt was romantic. I liked this person and I enjoyed their company, but I don't know. I still don't understand what romantic attraction is to be honest. What I can say is that I didn't really want the commitment of those typical romantic relationships. I just wanted company and intimacy, someone who I can be with this way (and someone who would reciprocate my efforts and all). But I feel that this kind of relationships (a little bit similar to FWB for the allos I've talked to) end up in a bad way if one of the involved get attached to the other.

It's complicated and my thoughts have been messy. That's why I would like to hear how you define your queerplatonic relationships :)

True, mostly after university on Friday nights.

TPBM likes writing poetry

yellow

I’m not sure, I haven’t gotten a diagnose yet.

TPBM has the most fun times alone by themselves.

Holy Spirit

I’m offended because you’re offended by coco not being offended

madhouse

sunlight 

I want to get a gaming chair so badly, even tho I play more on my iPad than my computer.

I would also like to get more clothes that would help me with my gender expression. I get so much joy by wearing certain types of clothing and I cannot wait to see myself in more of it.

My fav genres currently are k-pop, alt rock, sometimes r&b and j-pop! I also enjoy bachata and reggaetón other times. :)

yessss

Greetings newcomer~ hope you enjoy your stay :)

False

TPBM is passionate about the world’s history

I’d rather travel the world with my bestie tgm 

False. In my country, it doesn’t snow at all :(

TPBM can hold their breath underwater for many minutes

You can check the cupioromantic label.

I actually grew up knowing nothing about the lgbtq community, so I have always thought of me as a cishet romantic girl/woman until I was 18. The last time I "fell in love" was in 2017. I liked a boy that was from the same school as me, tho I'm not sure if I just felt a strong aesthetic attraction or something. Anyway, after him, I wanted to have a partner and fall in love again. I just could never click with anyone and I'd never fall in love no matter what. 

Last year is when I started reading about the community. I suddenly found the aromantic label and started to read a lot about it. While going deeper and deeper, it all made sense. Why can't I fall in love? Why am I not feeling romantic love? Why do I want to do "romantic" stuff with some people when I don't like them romantically? And some other questions. That's when it all made sense. 

Honestly, learning about this and questioning the beliefs I grew up with (plus my identity) kind of saved me. I would wait all the time for the "prince" that would make my life better, but now I just want friends and a very strong connection with them. I don't care about romantic relationships, my family and friends are enough. I don't feel like I'm missing anything either, besides, the love I feel towards others is just as special.

Stay clean all the time. I'd feel lazy to clean the mud in my body lol

WYR have a (under) water kingdom or an air kingdom?

False

TPBM wants to travel to another planet

highlight

23 hours ago, alto said:

That does sound annoying.  My sympathies.

Yep, thank you?

21 hours ago, MulticulturalFarmer said:

People often tell me I'm cis, and are in disbelief when I tell them I'm intersex, as if internal biological traits that are both male and female are supposed to be shown in my face or body in a super obvious way and that it can't be subtle. People can tell that I look androgynous naturally but can't put their finger on it unless I have a beard or something or just are creepily analyzing my body shape. But in general due to certain characteristics, I'm also read as female most of the time because of the binary view of gender. I also don't get why people are so ignorant about the neuroscientific aspects of being trans/non-binary, like there's something biological going on to make you identify with physical traits of other genders and it's not just about the body. But that's too hard for a lot of people who buy into toxic masculinity and gender roles and all that.

I hope you feel better, as it's something I've dealt with from friends.

I can’t believe how people think they know us better than we do. It’s really unbelievable. And I feel that, it is more than just the body and I think people tend to be ignorant about this either because they don’t want to inform themselves about it since they say it doesn’t affect them or because they hate/dislike us. It is possible that they grew up in an ignorant environment too. But I think that it is truly important to start reading about this issue (and trying to understand the experiences) when hearing about it or when a special someone says that they are x label.

I hope that more people get to learn to see others in a neutral way, without assuming whether they are just male or female.

Thank you for your answer, and yes, I do feel better now :) 

16 hours ago, Holmbo said:

It feels like so many people are still demanding to slot everyone into the category of man or woman. I suppose so they can assign all sorts of generalization to everyone and limit the need for communication or thought.

I'm sorry your friend seem to be taking this lazy approach. If you're up to it maybe you could ask him why he feels it's important to distinguish between men and women and to view you as a woman. Maybe you will learn something about how some people relate to gender roles. 

Indeed. I think it happens more with older generations, at least that’s what I see in my country. There are definitely a lot of things to unlearn, tho that’s a hard task if people aren’t really open to it.

Thank you for the advice, I find it very interesting. However, I will not be talking to him for now, it is really bad for my mental health, sadly. If things get better in a near future, maybe I’ll do it so I’ll keep what you said in mind.

I appreciate your answer :)

Hi everyone! I have been exploring my gender for a while now. I identified as bigender in the past but now I think I might be genderfluid. I talked to someone important to me about this; I sent him a video of my transformation from fem to masc and he said “it is obvious that you are a woman”. Then I kindly asked for him to learn and see me just as a person, since I’m not sure of what label fits best yet. He then said “and you’re a person not an alien?”, to which I replied, “not a woman nor a man, I mean”, to which he said, again: “well, you have very feminine features and to me, you’re a woman. If you’re annoyed by that then I don’t know.”

It felt extremely invalidating. Besides, after I told him that I’m not sure about my gender, he said that I have no rights to be bothered about him and others seeing or perceiving me as a woman. And I mean, I’m not quite sure of what I am, but I’m pretty sure of what I’m not. He also said that I’m not stable, so I don’t have the rights to be bothered nor will people know how to deal with me, besides saying that my identity isn’t relevant bc it doesn’t affect him/our relationship and I’m too sensitive about this.

I just wanted him to try to understand and be there for me. I cannot go to anyone else to talk about this, it sucks.
 

Also, I’ve told him about me questioning my gender at the beginning of my journey, tho I didn’t explicitly say that I identified as bigender. To that, he said that I should just live as I want. Now he forgot everything regarding that convo and said that I started to be like this just because I cut my hair. That also annoyed me bc it’s not something that happened from night to morning. 
 

yup! i have a long distance relationship partner right now and that doesn't erase the fact that im on the aro spectrum :)

9 hours ago, ilse said:

sadly, some people are too attached to their beliefs that they refuse to look beyond said beliefs or to be educated (as is the case with most if not all conservatives). it's not your fault though, he's obviously not being cooperative and doesn't want to.

Indeed, it's like they don't even try to listen and just put up a wall there. And yeah :( I did what I could... What I'm still speechless about is that he said that he is not really interested on educating himself on the issue, can't believe it...

7 hours ago, Sam Spade said:

A spectrum of genders isn't some modern liberal idea - historically, many cultures across the world have three or more genders. Here's a map showing some of these cultures (there are even more that aren't on the map). I don't know if that'll convince him though ?‍♂️

Thanks!

7 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

He thinks there's only two genders because he only has two brain cells.

Hahaha literally, I just started telling him to look up about it in the bunch of helpful resources out there on google 

I confronted my friend on gender ≠ biological sex and he kept on saying that they’re the same thing, that there are only 2 genders and some other nonsense. I recently started to question my gender (might be bigender) and it was really exhausting trying to explain it to him. I feel down and I really want to send him more proofs of what I said, but he’s too stubborn.