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Hirune

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  1. Personally I've not used them, but I'm kinda in the same boat where I can't really talk to other aro people irl so I can relate to your story. Those kinds of apps don't really seem like the place for aro people even though they might want to look for a (queerplatonic) partner. Also with the swiping, I've seen my friends use it and for them it was mostly about appearances, which while they can be pleasing isn't really a good indicator of well you'll get along as friends. If you're willing to be adventurous you could accept everyone who come across, maybe there'll be someone worth talking in there. Wanting to get to know people with the same orientation is totally natural, so I don't think you're overthinking anything. If you're okay if making purely online contacts, it's way easier to get to know all kinds of aro people around the world, though since I'm not really a super online person others on here would probably be more knowledgable about those kinds of online spaces.
  2. For sure. Unfortunately one of my favourite songs has really amatonormative message in the first verse. It goes: Wouldn't be too bad if it was just a personal experience or something like that, but the fact that stuff like this and constantly being shoved in your face in every single song kinda sucks. Thankfully there's also quite a few songs that aren't about romance or whatever, I actually made a playlist to compile the ones I really like lol.
  3. Thank you all for the responses! I'm actually just finishing up my master's so I know what you're talking about. It's not the same once you don't follow the same courses anymore right. Like you mentioned, I think many allo people aren't aware or don't care because they pursue romantic partners, which is why I try to talk about it more openly with my friends to make them realise. Even when someone is in a romantic relationship I still think friendships are important and I hope they (will start to) feel the same way. Having regular meetings sounds like a good idea! I hope you can meet lots of new people through your studies btw ^^ I completely agree with your way of thinking. I'm definitely thinking about joining multiple sports or social clubs once I get into the workplace. Having friends with a similar mindset would be great, but unfortunately I feel not many of my friends have seriously considered the significance of platonic relationships before. As I said I'm gonna try to put in the work and share my viewpoint with them more. Still, I'd love to have a few people in my life who share the same orientation as me so we could see eye to eye more naturally like this. Thank you for hearing me. Many people I talk to irl tell me I'm worrying too much or being to dramatic when discussing this topic, when for me it's only natural to think more about how to manage the social relationships in the future like you say. As far as cohabitation goes, I'm probably forced to get a roommate either way because of the economic situation in my country, there's not really an option to completely live alone. Having said that, unless it's with a serious life partner or something like that, I wouldn't want to move in with any of my friends. This is because I'm worried our relationship might sour through increased interactions and daily annoyances. I'd rather someone who's a roommate from the start than one of my friends also becoming a roommate if that makes sense lol. It's like when you travel with someone you're more likely to get into fights and irrated with each other, I'd like to avoid that with my current friends. Do you live with others by any chance?
  4. Lately I've been thinking a lot about my social life after college. Right now I have a large group of fun friends that I can hang out with almost daily, which is awesome but I'm starting to realise that probably won't last. After moving on from college and into a professional life, I know the contact with many of them will decrease and it'll become much harder to meet frequently... Not only that, I'm worried some will raise the bar even higher by prioritising their romantic partners over me. Since I don't fare well with few social interactions and feel lonely easily I'm afraid I'll be too reliant on those friends that I'll still be able to meet more often. Ideally, my social situation would stay as is with a network of friends physically close to me though I know that's not really realistic. I'm sure that instead of contuining to grow or staying the same, my social circle is only going to get smaller. Although this isn't a direct problem at the moment, I think it's important to be aware of that fact looking forward. I know what kind of problem I might be facing and what my ideal situation for me is, I'm just lost thinking about how I can build a fullfilling social life after me and my friends from college start moving on into the next stage. Because I've chosen to not live my life according to the norm, I feel like there's no framework or examples to learn from. That's why I wanted ask for your thoughts. Knowing very few aro people it's difficult to discuss this with my friends. One of my fears is to become too emotionally reliant on only a few people especially if they're alloromantic. Now that I'm a comfortable situation I want to look ahead so I can anticipate and prevent such a scenario for their sake as well as my own. Has anyone had a similar experience? How do you navigate your social life after college? Do you have any advice for building and retaining a strong social network as an adult? Let's talk about it.
  5. Some questions you can ask yourself that might help you figure something out: have you ever felt like you wanted to be in a romantic relationship with someone before this situation? What aspects of romantic relationships make you uncomfortable and why, and what aspects do you think you'd enjoy? Would you be satisfied fulfilling those needs with close friends or with a romantic partner? In any case, only you can decide what identity best fits you, your feelings are what's important. Also, I hope can preserve friendship even if you have to turn them down. Good luck ^^
  6. I feel you so much. I just want to feel understood, not just "accepted". The fact that the identity is pretty much invisible outside of the people who directly identify with one of the aromantic or asexual oreintations doesn't help. Honestly, it's painful to hear close friend after close friend and family member after family member completely misunderstand and miss the mark when they're trying to be supportive to me. Just now when trying to explain my (aromantic) feelings, one of my close family members compared my experience to someone expriencing depression (a medical illness) and it was really discouraging. No matter how many times I try to explain or make the people close to me understand, I am confronted time and time again with the wall between us even when they're trying to be accepting. I know they want to make me feel better about myself and my identity, but their words have the opposite effect and I feel more isolated from them than before trying to open up. It sucks because I know many of them are in general accepting of differen't sexual(/romantic) orientations... If only aromanticsm was explored more in the public eye, people would at least have an idea of what kind of experiences aromantic people deal with. Forgive me for the rant, but I wanted to get this off my chest.
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