InvisibleSquid

On 4/25/2021 at 7:45 AM, QueerAroAce said:

Platonic cuddle companions where the boundaries and ground rules are set upfront and any changing feelings are communicated so you can distance. Build up a friendship connection first to get comfortable though.

Thank you for your reply. Yes, that sounds like exactly what I want. I'm just not great at making friends in the first place, because I'm not very social. Tough spot to be in, you know? 

21 minutes ago, Indigo_1499 said:

I’m asexual, so I don’t experience sexual attraction but I do feel sensual attraction. I’m not sure if I’m explaining this good but for me sensual attraction just means that I want physical contact with someone. For example, hugging, holding hands, or cuddling. I usually feel other types of attraction with sensual. Like sensual and platonic/queerplatonic attraction or something like that. 

I echo this completely. I'll also add that aesthetic attraction will drive my sensual attraction a lot of the time. 

26 minutes ago, clbaft said:

What kind of games are you into? 

I’m mostly into adventure/RPGs these days. I love a good Zelda-like. Moderate action, good exploration, lots of puzzles and secrets. I’m into most puzzle-type games and some point-and-click. I’m also a huge fan of metroidvanias. I’m not great at shooters, but I’ll pick one up now and then. 

For those who don't want to click the link, the text is:

I’m coining the term lovequeer. To be lovequeer is to fully reject the concept of “love” as society applies it for romance, and to redefine the word around oneself and the types of love neglected by amatonormativity.

I am a lovequeer aro. My heart is full of love for my friends, for my family, for my pets. The idea of romance is useless and irrelevant to me. I don’t need romance. All I need is my strong and passionate love.

I actually kinda like that. It's cute and makes sense. I hope it catches on, but I'm not sure it will...

Yeah, I'm in my early 40s, so I feel ya on the age thing. I only recently realized I'm aro, so it's certainly been a ride. 

On 4/4/2021 at 7:15 AM, clbaft said:

Internally don't see anything wrong with being aro at all, and honestly I can see the positives most of the time - but the way society keeps telling us that platonic love isn't as 'valid' as romantic or that I'm missing out on something ... it can be draining!

Thiiiiiis!!

31 minutes ago, vinniebandit said:

Just listened to the Sounds fake but okay podcast featuring Barefoot Backpacker and he's still younger than me!

I remember that episode! It was great! Can't remember how old he is, though.

On 3/31/2021 at 10:00 AM, clbaft said:

I'm Syo - a biracial human shaped being, 30's, i love video games, art, food, lifting, coding, among other things.

Anyway, Hi and welcome, Syo! I'm also an avid gamer, and I went to art school. Dabbled in coding, but didn't have the patience for it. now I just fix computers for a living. Anyway, apparently ice cream is an aro thing, so I shall welcome you with the appropriate dessert.

Yeah, I've only "officially come out" as aroace to a handful of people, but I honestly just don't care anymore. Since my separation, I really have zero reason to hide what I am. I'm not looking to "hook up" and I can't handle romance. If it comes up, it comes up. that said, I do like having people to talk to about it, though. Which is why these forums are great.

I was on Reddit last night, and it occurred to me that I haven't the foggiest idea how this sort of thing would work. Is there a specific community of people looking for people? I'm really only in a few different communities on Reddit, and am not sure how someone would meet someone on there and become friends. Maybe I'm Redditing wrong! ?

2 hours ago, MulticulturalFarmer said:

I've used reddit for that type of stuff, maybe it would work for you? OkCupid and other traditional ways of dating hasn't really worked for me to be honest. It's easier to meet people on an online forum that has (established) communities with people like you.

 

Hm, I've never thought of using Reddit for such a thing, but I suppose that could make sense...

I've heard 50/50 on OKCupid and nothing on Tinder. I've tried neither, but am also open to a QPR at some point, so I'm certainly curious.

I generally don't see myself as feeling lonely, but lately with my current situation, along with the world's current social situation, I'm finding that I'm missing the feeling of having close friends. I've been in constant touch with a few of my best friends from college, which has been really nice. But I feel like I need a new connection. Someone to bond with and learn about and chat about weird and crazy things with. So the answer is yes.

On 3/22/2021 at 6:42 AM, Aversa said:

I always use Bumble Bff side to make new Friends. Its chill because nobody wants more then that and well I also mentioned on both my Profiles that I'd like to try  a QPR.

Ah, okay. I've heard of that app. I might have a look.

I experience love, and I love deeply, but not in the romantic sense. I'm better off being a close friend than a romantic partner. 

1 hour ago, Acecream said:

sometimes I’d love to try out a qpr, but I don’t know how to find one and “normal dating” or to register on a dating app with allos scares me off

Yes, exactly! I've thought about it, just to maybe make a new friend, but then I know why most other people are on there, so I'm just like "...um, no thanks."

I'm starting to feel like we're all just treading water in here. ? Except I can't swim... ?

Yep, I'm sorta in the same boat. I'd like to be close to someone in that way, but not romantically. I recently started considering a QPR. But that's a new concept for me, and I don't know how that works or how people eventually get into them. And I also totally get not wanting to be someone's "special someone." I'd love a "cuddle buddy", but It wouldn't have to be exclusive, you know? Like pretty much exactly what you stated above. But how many other people would realistically go for that?? Obviously it's a thing, otherwise posts like this wouldn't exist, but how does one find someone like that? I'm anxious for someone to reply who's actually gotten there. ?

I'm in an odd place, but I feel like I can add something here, based on what @Jot-Aro Kujo and @arokaladin said. 

I'm coming from having several relationships and two marriages. All failed partly because, in hindsight, I'm arospec and was really not meant for such relationships. I can't have or maintain romantic feelings for someone. However, I do enjoy companionship and affection, but only as far as being super close friends. I like to cuddle and things like that, but only platonically. 

I think amatonormativity has gotten into our heads as we grew up such that we felt like that's how life had to be. I wish I had known more about myself way back, but it is what it is. I don't regret having my relationships, but I do regret hurting those I was with because I ultimately didn't share the same feelings.

On 3/19/2021 at 3:58 PM, arokaladin said:

So I think it's really good that you're thinking about this stuff. My suggestion would be that rather than 'do I want a relationship', you should ask yourself how you feel about more specific things. What affection do you like, would you want to live with a friend/partner, how would you feel most supported and cared for by people in your life? Then you can seek those things out (or not), rather than worrying about labels.

After my recent separation from my wife, I'm realizing just what kind of person I am, and what kind of relationship/companionship I want. I'm just bummed that it took me to this point in my life to figure it out. It's important to figure yourself out, and not overcompromise. 

On 3/19/2021 at 1:55 PM, Aversa said:

I... might want to be alone... But recently I also don't want to. Back then, when I had school I never felt lonely, yes the oblivious young me dreamed about tacky cute realtionships but was alrigut without it... but now that I can't see my friends everyday for a couple of houres I feel frequently like I need a companion. The enotional bonds become less and less... 

I just don't know how to deal with that aching lonely feeling.

I totally feel that. Granted, I was never very social, and kept very few friends. And as I got older I saw them even less, but I had a family. Now my kids are teens and they kinda became my companions in a sense, when my wife and I began to drift. Now that I'm not living with them, I miss them so much. I enjoy my alone time, for sure, since I never had any previously, and I'm quite an introvert. But I always welcomed the hugs and random cuddles on the couch to watch a movie. Like, could I just have a friend (or friends) to do that sort of stuff with, without it going towards romance eventually? Can people just be like that without making it weird?? But I digress. My point is you're not alone in feeling The Lonely.

2021 ?

OMG Thank you for sharing this! I love webcomics, and this is wonderful. I'm SO on board. ?

I've never really put any thought to it. I mean, I'm recently separated, so I guess I'm single. But I just feel like a person. A person without a significant other, and not currently in search of one. I wouldn't say "alone," since I have "people." I have family and friends, so I'm not really alone, even when I'm by myself.

5 minutes ago, Jedi said:

And I of course, like to call myself 'unromanceable', though that might be more a replacement for 'aro-ace' than it is for 'single'

I actually really like that. I may start using that term, myself.

8 hours ago, @crazydreamer said:

I'm sorry you feel that you're hurting people but I want you to know that you aren't in the long term.  It's okay to experiment with your sexuality and try different things.  Maybe try a QPR, that way you can still be close to someone without having to like them romantically.

Thank you, I really needed to hear that. I keep beating myself up over things, and deep down I know I shouldn't but I do anyway. I do think that, eventually, I would like a QPR. From what I keep reading, that seems like it would be best for me. I need someone to be comfortable with who I am, without the expectations of who I'm not. Aside from the two marriages, I've had other girlfriends, some of whom I've since remained friends with. Which just further solidifies the fact that I'm better off being a friend. 

Also, thanks for the ice cream. I did have a craving just now. ?? (Is ice cream to aros what cake is to aces?? I like that.)

Hi and welcome! I'm pretty new here, myself. I figured out I was ace a couple years ago. I've lived my life as an aro trying to act like, and convince myself that I am, a romantic person. After several relationships and two marriages ended, I'm now realizing that being aromantic is a thing, and that it fits me. It's been a hard road, but I think it's better for me in the end. I'm tired of hurting people inadvertently, and am much better off being a friend or maybe a QPP at some point. I do love me some good snuggles, after all...

I've known I'm asexual for a couple years now. I only recently realized I'm also on the aromantic spectrum, although I guess I've always sort of suspected it in a way. It's confusing as hell, because upon browsing the many subsets of aromanticism, I'm finding that I fit precisely two that make perfect sense with me. I seem to be a combination recipromantic and bellusromantic. Which basically means that I like the idea of romantic gestures and actions (I love cuddling, holding hands, affectionate touch, etc.) but not actually being in a romantic relationship. That is, until someone shows interest. That's when I will want it. The problem is, further down the line I will realize I didn't actually want it, because I don't actually feel that way about that person, and will revert back to treating the relationship as a friendship, and that just doesn't jive well with the other person. So the relationship ends and I feel bad. I've now gone through two marriages, and am simply done trying to be something to someone that I'm just not meant for. I really just want a good friend I can be close to and hang out and cuddle with, without it being some kind of "significant other" situation. But allonormativity is a thing to work around, I guess. I don't really know where I was going with this, but I guess I just wanted to ask if anyone else felt this way. It's a confusing feeling to both want and not want a relationship. I'm just so tired of hurting people...

On 2/28/2021 at 2:45 PM, Aimee03 said:

Similar story here, too. I just figured out that I’m aroace at age 31. Pretty crazy. I had never bothered to question it though, and had assumed I was heterosexual my whole life. Quite a shocking realisation. 

Yep, same here. I'm in my early 40s and just figured it out last week. I assumed I was bi for the longest time, and hetero before that. No wonder both my marriages failed. I'm just not meant for it. ???

Oh well, such is life.