Alexander

18 hours ago, Karst said:

Happy Pride!

 

By the way, do you have an online shop for your stuff?

Not yet, but I actually plan on having one! I will definitely sell my merch online, probably after this pride month. For now I'm just selling those in public places in my country, actually many people are buying those which I didn't expect to happen at all lol

If I ever start an actual online shop, I will definitely make a post about it here, so you won't miss out on it, I promise!

Just the title - happy pride month y'all! It will be my first pride month when I am 100% sure of my sexuality (pan-oriented aroace). Also, I'm getting an aromantic pride flag tomorrow! I'm going to celebrate pride month together with my QPP. We both make pride merch (I make bracelets and necklaces in flag's colors, they make pronoun/flag pins and earrings) in our free time. We will definitely spread awarness that arospec and acespec people exist and are valid so the society will get educated more about this topic, also the younger aros/aces won't have to give a vocab quiz everytime someone asks about their romantic/sexual orientation. I want younger arospec/acespec people to feel validated because other people were often invalidating my sexuality and I don't want that to happen to others (especially baby aros/aces). 

Again, I love all of you <3 (no romo tho)

Hello, Bellum! Nice to meet you and welcome to our forum (:

I think I want to move out with my QPP and adopt a bunch of cats together. I would also love to have a kid but I don't know if it's even possible because my partner hates children (but maybe they will change their mind, you never know). Maybe we could also get married for tax benefits. I think that's pretty much it. 

In Polish it's;

Aromantyzm/Aromantyczność for aromanticism

Aromantyczny (male)/aromantyczna (female) for aromantic

Aseksualizm/aseksualność for asexuality

Aseksualny (male)/aseksualna (female) for asexual

There is not a word for QPR but you can describe it as (queer)platoniczny związek

There also isn't a word for QPP or Zucchini. Oh well. That's probably because most people in my country don't even know that asexuality and aromanticism actually exist. 

It's platonic (emotional) and sensual attraction for me. I love my friends and I love interactions like hugging, cuddling or kissing on the cheek (but only with people I have a strong bond with - for example my friends and my QPP). I also get aesthetic attraction a lot (I love people who dress in goth, emo or pastel style. I love cosplayers, too) but still I don't experience it that often compared to platonic and sensual attraction. 

So I have a little problem. I've figured out that I'm aroace. I already came out to my mom, my boyfriend (we broke up after that but he's still my friend) and my best friend (nonbinary). I am in a QPR with this best friend, their name is Rainn. But the problem is the rest of my friends think that I am pansexual (I came out to them as pan before). They know I broke up with Max (ex boyfriend) but they do not know why I did it. I was in five romantic relationships before I discovered that I am in fact aroace. So my friends still think that I am allo and they believe that I love Rainn romantically. How can I explain them that I'm aro, even though I was in relationships before? And how can I explain to them what a QPR is? I'm afraid that they won't believe me, since they think I do experience romantic attraction because I was in romantic relationships before and had a "crush" (which actually turned out to be a squish). Any ideas, please? 

3 minutes ago, Rony said:

If you’d want to, you can also send to me a message on Facebook.

Sure! However I'm kinda busy rn, so I'll probably won't do it right away. I am still in school and there is too much going on all at once. I'll make sure to message you later, like in a week or few! I shouldn't even be here now, since I have an assigment to do (':

2 hours ago, Rony said:

Good luck!

I’m going to focus completely on my activist work now. It’s better than thinking about the thing I’ve lost.

good luck with work then ❤️

2 hours ago, Rony said:

So, now you know a person from aromantic spectrum! I know some aros from Poland, there’s a group for Polish aros on Facebook and I’m active person there. You only need to search for ’Aromantyczność’ and you should find it!

I know many transgender and nonbinary persons, also on Instagram.

Yeah, I have a Wattpad account and I like writting stories, but they’re strange to others I think. XD

thanks! I'll check it out (the group) for sure

Woah, you're from Poland? Me too! I only know three people on ace spectrum from my country, and none od them are on the aro spectrum. I also don't know a lot of nonbinary people, I only have four close friends who are enby. Nice to see another aroace from my country!

oh, and you also love cats. and you even have wattpad! I have it too, I like to write in my free time.

21 hours ago, DogObsessedLianne said:

I don't know if anyone can tell you what's best to do because what's best probably depends on the individuals involved, that is you and your friend. Though if they are knowledgeable about QPP/QPR and aromantic stuff, and you've discussed other things with them as you've said, it sounds to me that you should be able to discuss it with them, especially if it's done in the correct way (maybe how you've discussed everything else). You are right though about romantics getting jealous. I was discussing it recently with a romantic ace I know and she described it as "emotional cheating". Though obviously not all romantics are that way, the romantics I work best with in relationships tend to be the ones more chilled out about romance and overall open to communication. I have tried a QPP with a romantic woman previously (she was homoromantic so it was different to what your situation is), but I don't feel qualified to use it in advice for you because it also failed for non-aro based reasons. What I do suspect though is that if you don't discuss it in some way with your friend, keeping it to yourself as it were, might have long term consequences for your emotional health. Maybe the solution is in how you approach talking about it. I hope you find a solution that suits you as really only you can decide what's best ultimately.

20 hours ago, Erederyn said:

I definitely agree with what user DogObsessedLianne said. Keeping those feelings to yourself could end up being negative for you and could lead to some regrets. There isn't really one right way to do this. But perhaps before confessing your feelings and telling them you want to be in a QPR with them, you could start off first by testing the waters a bit (if you haven't done this already). Your friend knows about QPRs and you know they would want a romantic partnership, but maybe you can ask them what they'd think of a being QPR in general (maybe it's something they never thought of for themselves). You could even start off with a conversation about your current relationship, discussing your commitment to the friendship and if they feel the same, asking them what they hope for in the future for your friendship, etc. Then at least you could have some idea about whether or not you're on similar pages and how to proceed.

I also had a QPR with someone not on the aro spectrum, so it is indeed possible (although it ended also because of non-aro based reasons). He wanted the possibility of having a romantic/sexual partner as well, so we had a polyaffectionate relationship, which worked well for us. Of course, it was challenging at times when he started dating and his dates didn't understand that I was his partner as well, but he was very committed to our QPP and he did once in a while meet people who were okay with our arrangement. That is something you'd have to potentially discuss with your friend, though. So if that's something you'd be open to, you could propose a sort of polyaffectionate QPP, so that your friend could still have a romantic partner. That is, of course, further down the line, I realize, if you even decide to confess and it goes well. 

20 hours ago, hermi1e said:

Absolutely, I encourage u to tell them! It is definitely possible and allowed for alloromantic people to be in QPRs. The main thing to be aware of is how you define and communicate it, especially if they aren't familiar w QPRs.

With my person, neither of us are asexual, but he was sorta aware of squishes when i told him i liked him. This was a bit bumpy, because I needed to go beyond "i have a squish on you, do you want to be my QPP" when i confessed my feelings. We had dif levels of knowledge of these labels, and different definitions. It's important to try n clearly say your feelings and desires, define the labels you're interested in using, ask them what their feelings are, etc. Communicate, communicate, communicate. It's entirely possible that y'all have some similar feelings and desires and comfort levels, and others that are different, and that's fantastic to be aware of. Maybe they like you too!

For future romo relationships, I'd also kinda suggest communication lol. It's excellent to be aware about what future partners are comfortable with: if they are bothered by you having another partner, ya gotta respect that, and it might be good to find compromises. (Maybe u don't talk to ur romo partner about ur qpp, to avoid jealousy. Maybe they stay separate, to avoid hurt feelings. Maybe you decide that you don't wanna date anyone, unless they're ok with ur qpp .) If this future romo partner is ok with you having another relationship, then that's fantastic! 

Another thing to keep in mind (tho this might be a cross-that-bridge-when-u-get-to-it thing) is relationship hierarchy, which a lot of polyamorous folks like to think about. If you had both a romantic and queerplatonic relationship, which would u spend more time on? Would it be equal? How would u want to show them love, and receive love? Do you think one would be more important to you than the other? What would you hope to get from each? 

This can be nerve-wracking and difficult, because feelings are overwhelming and rejection is scaryyyyyy, but i think u should shoot ur shot! I hope it works out. 

 

Big thanks to all of you, I decided to tell them! I hope we will be able to sort things out. Maybe we'll get into QPR and maybe not. I won't know if I don't try. Wish me luck! ?

7 hours ago, Rony said:

I think you should say it. I didn’t say to alloromantic ex-friend before and I ended up feeling very bad with it when they started ignoring me. I was like ’ah, no, it’s not the best time for it’ and now I’m sure I won’t find a qpp in very near future. I lost my chance.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope you'll be okay :((

I'm sure you will find a perfect QPP one day if you want one. Keep hopes up! You never know.

Hello there. Well, this is my first post. I am Alexander - a 18 years old, aroace (pan-oriented) man. I have a queer platonic crush on one of my best friends. Their name is Rainn. They're nonbinary, demisexual and 16 years old. They are currently questioning their romantic orientation, however they think they're probably attracted to women and overall feminity. So I doubt the option that they could fall for me. We had known each other for a few years now (I was about 11 and thet were around 9 when we first met). You could say that we're childhood friends. I had a huge squish on them back then. But after being best friends with them for years I kinda developed a queer platonic crush on them. They're for 100% not aromantic and they want to have a romantic relationship with someone (preferably a girl, they're not sure yet though). Since they are on asexual spectrum and we talk about LGBTQ+ a lot they know pretty much about aromanticism. They know what QPR, QPP, smush or squish is. Should I tell them that I want to be in QPR with them? I am kind of worried that their future romantic partner would be jealous or something like that. I mean, I was in like 5 romantic relationships before I realized I was aroace (two with girls, another two with boys and one with agender person, but nothing worked for me). And I can for sure say that people get jealous for no reason when they're falling in love. I don't understand it at all. But I am still worried. Should I confess to them? It's just that my feelings for them are really strong. We have a unbreakable connection, so I doubt anything could end our friendship. It just feels right. Kind of like when people who feel romantic love are like "they are the love of my life". I am the same with Rainn, but platonically. Should I confess to them anyway or keep those feelings to myself?