heyo!
I'm also new here, and I'm replying because I relate to a lot of the things you said. About six months ago, I realized I was aromantic, asexual, and genderqueer all within the span of a few weeks. Before that, I had been identifying as a lesbian, but questioning my gender for about a year. I never once questioned my attraction, and I didn't even know aromanticism was a thing. As soon as I admitted to myself I was asexual, I found the term "aromantic" online, and quickly realized it was for me. I looked back and realized that all my "crushes" were just people I thought I should have a crush on, i.e. girls I thought were smart and pretty. It actually really upset me to realize that I was aromantic. I was really sad for a while; I thought of it as mourning the loss of my potential romantic life (which is dumb, but). I had been really hopeful about my romantic life (I'm a bit of a gay hopeless romantic), and realizing I was aromantic felt like a big road block.
I related to your post about a few things, the first of which being that you enjoy romantic fiction, haha. I'm romance-repulsed in real life (it makes me physically sick to do romantic things with people), but I seek out queer romances in books and movies. I don't know why, honestly, the happy romantic endings just make me sad. I also relate to your relationship history. I've only had one relationship, but it was very similar to what you described: I felt cornered, and the other person was way more invested than I was. My best friend had a crush on me, and I thought I liked her back (I wanted to like her back), so I told her I was interested, too. I kept chickening out, though, when we got close to doing anything real. It always made me feel sick or uncomfortable to be romantic with her. I thought I was just scared, so I kept agreeing to do things with her. Basically, I led her on for months before ending it. It was pretty unhealthy for both of us, and we don't speak anymore. If only I had known what aromanticism was!
Sorry, that was more of a vent than a reply, but I've never spoken to any aromantic people online or in-person before, so I just wanted to get it all out there. I have a pretty negative relationship with my romanticism, which makes me sad. I'm trying to find a more positive outlook on it, and I thought talking to people here would be a good start!
