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Triple a-trouble

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    Pan-oriented aroace
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  1. I relate to this a lot! Already when I was 11 or 12 y/o I was completely tired of all expectations, and I hated being romanticized and sexualized. Somehow I'd heard of the word asexual (I didn't know the difference between sexual and romantic orientation yet) and wanted to come out as such, but even though I strongly related to the word I thought I faked it. I even convinced myself that I wanted to find a girl, marry and get children. When I realized that I wasn't heterosexual, and started question whether I was bisexual or not, the pressure got even more intense. I was completely alienated from romance, and when a girl in my age showed strong romantic interest in me I got even more confused - and repulsed to some extent. After a while I began to develop strong emotions towards her and thought it was a crush (*spoiler alert*, it wasn't), but the bare thought of being in a romantic relationship felt completely wrong and repulsing. The only thing I wanted was a close friend, and that was how I perceived romantic relationships until I realized romance wasn't platonic. When I got older (13-16 y/o) I used to tell myself that I had no interest in romantic relationships because people around me weren't mature enough or that I had better things to do. At seventeen I even thought I was a biromantic homosexual and tried online dating (with mostly men). It quickly became obvious that I had no romantic or sexual interest in other people of any gender. The amatonormativity, and all expectations regarding marriage and family, became internalized. I thought a life without wife and children, or otherwise a life without a romantic partner, were proof of a complete failure. I would be miserable and lonely, and I didn't want to be alone the rest of my life. It took me years to realize that this was untrue, and I still haven't fully accepted it. One of the things that helped me is being open about my aro-aceness and make it a part of who I am. No-one needs to get married, and you can live a happy and fulfilled life without a romantic partner. And having children isn't necessary either, and if you want children you don't need a romantic partner. After all, the most important thing is to be surrounded by accepting and understanding friends and family members who want you to live the life you want - not the life the society expect you to live. I hope this helps 😀
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