Planet

Yes! I'm a huge fan! 

My favorite character is Garnet. 

It's such a wholesome show. 

I was about to ask a question but I just realized it would be a major spoiler in case anyone hasn't seen all of it.

So nice to see other Steven Universe fans ^-^

I'm surprised but also not surprised about how many INTx types are here. 

Surprised because I thought there'd be aro spec people of all types and it wouldn't be skewed at all. But not surprised because the vibes of this site do seem pretty INTx haha. 

I never share my Myers Briggs type but if anyone is actually curious, my About Me page should give a pretty good idea of what type I am. 

Your wish for the wish to not come true doesn't come true. But also. It does come true. And it splits reality into two parallel realities that also split into two realities and those two realities split into two realities and it goes on forever! And in all of these realities your favorite band doesn't exist. 

I wish for massive cup of frozen yogurt with all kinds of delicious toppings and but somehow it all has zero calories. 

When you watch movies with ambiguous relationships and always assume the characters are best friends instead of lovers. 

When you accidentally offend an entire forum by posting a thread titled "Romantic Love Doesn't Exist" and are shocked by how personally attacked people feel by this thread. [I just meant that limerence is limerence...it's not love.]

When someone posts a picture on facebook of an old couple holding hands with the caption, "Aw how cute" and you're really surprised and confused by this. 

When love stories usually have no appeal unless there's a really good non-romantic plot also happening and cool characters. 

[If anything, I'm greyromantic, but still v platonically-oriented and these are some of my experiences.]

There's no name for what I am.

I might be gray-aromantic. But I might just be straight up alloromantic. 

But grayness or no grayness, it doesn't change the fact that I prefer platonic over romantic relationships. I just call it "platonically-oriented." 

But there's no real actual name for it

I think I might have actually found one other person like me. But ironically it's someone who I can't really talk to much because they're super busy and not really interested in talking. 

Anyway. For me, it manifests in this odd niche way. I seems like for most people their one special relationship is their romantic relationship. For me, that special relationship is a super close relationship with a best friend - totally non-romantic and totally non-sexual. I still actually would like to have a romantic relationship as well. It's just that... with romantic relationships...I just don't feel as close in them and they don't feel as special. This all must sound so bizzarre. But it is what it is. It's like. My best friend fills my #1 slot and my romantic partner fills my #2 slot....in terms of depth, intensity, specialness, attachment, etc. None of this is by choice. It's just how I'm wired. If I could change my wiring I WOULD. It would be so much easier to be romantically-oriented. And I know that if I shared this anywhere else so many people would feel personally offended that I said my romantic partner would be my #2 instead of my #1. But again. This isn't by choice. This is just how I'm wired. Also, forgive me if this whole...tier/ranking system in my relationships gives you any bad feels. Once again...it's not a choice...it's just how I'm wired. Back before I understood that I'm platonically-oriented and was with my ex boyfriend...I tried soooo hard to put him above my closest friend or to put him even at the same level as her.... because I felt like I was supposed to. But my attention just kept slipping back to her. I couldn't help it. I just felt more strongly towards her. Also, attaining romantic relationships is never a high priority for me...that goal always takes the back burner...as an un-partnered person entering a new group of people...my first thought is *not* "Will I meet my future spouse here?" it's "Will I meet my bff here?" Generally speaking, I spend waaay more effort trying to attract a QPR best friend than trying to attract a romantic partner. And. Just. Within myself I can very clearly feel this innate preference for a QPR-ish type of best friend relationship. 

Anyway. 

I came to this site hoping to...idk...hoping to find....validation I guess. 

And. 

Am I just?...is this even?....I mean. Like. I feel like *a lot* of you probably relate to preferring platonic over romantic relationships...especially those of you who are completely aromantic...but like...for me...it's not that I prefer platonic over romantic because I can't feel romantic feelings. I can feel them. They never last long but I can feel them. And I even enjoy romantic relationships. It's just that QPR type relationships are more satisfying to me than romantic ones are. 

And honestly. Even if I am gray-aromantic. I just feel like....this is it's own thing. This platonic preference of mine. 

And I mean. I think very many people on the aromantic spectrum are platonically-oriented but I guess I just need it to be known that you can be platonically-oriented and *not* be on the aromantic spectrum...or be platonically-oriented and be romance-positive. 

So I guess my question is...if this is indeed a thing...the way that I feel like it's a thing....how does one go about getting a thing officially named? That loooong list of different orientations on the aromantic spectrum...how did that happen?

P.S. If you read all this, thank you so much May you be blessed with very many great-tasting waffles or maybe some stellar soup or 200 vacation days   

6 hours ago, emmafriendly said:

This so not a serious discussion at all but how long did it take you all to learn how to spell "amatonormativity"? I realized today that I have been spelling it wrong this whole time (ever since it was coined in 2016 by Elizabeth Brake) and my world is shook. I have written whole long posts about it, tagged countless posts, mentioned it so many times, and no one told me. I have educated clueless allos on it while SAYING and SPELLING it wrong. I can't believe my own clownery.

I've somehow been spelling it amantonormativity, with an N, this whole time. How did I convince myself this was right?? I was so confident too.

Omg I feel your pain. I've done stuff like that so many times. My brain doesn't like tiny visual details so I often misspell words. 

It's okay though.  It's a long awkward word with wayyyy too many syllables. Very easy to misspell. At least you didn't do the whole your/you're & their/there thing. 

Hello there

I guess I'm just here to validate that a lot can happen to a person who has experienced extreme illness. My sister contracted a rare virus that attacked her central nervous system and it changed her forever. It didn't make her aromantic/asexual but it did change her personality. She lost some of her IQ but she gained incredible empathy. (She's still smart, but before the illness she was a genius.) Before her illness she was kind of...uh...not the nicest person. But after her illness, she suddenly had incredible empathy towards others. Now she has a gift for really tuning in to others and she's an incredible listener. And she's just...so kind...kind in a way that goes beyond normal kindness. 

Anyway, I guess all that was just to say that I believe you when you say you became aro/ace after your illness. 

Also, welcome to the forum  

Just curious  

9 hours ago, Mark said:

I see platonic friendship as being a subset, rather than entirety, of friendship.
I'm very open to doing romantically coed things with friends or having non-platonic friendships.
I don't see romantic relationships as more than. (If I had to rank rank them as less then.)

I never considered this but...wow that's such a good point! There can be non-platonic friendships. I mean. That's basically what me and my ex had haha. 

I don't have anything insightful to add but I just wanted to say that this is a question that has puzzled me for a long a long time and I'm happy to see people talking about it.  

@roboticanary Thank you so much for replying! I appreciate it so much!  This is all still confusing for me and I' still trying to figure things out. Also, I'm just very much trying to find other people like me because I've felt so different for so long. 

I feel like I can relate at least partially to this. While I enjoy QPR relationships, I don't like gestures of commitment because they feel too romantic. With the exception of maybe a bracelet or something that says "best friends" haha. That said, internally I might feel intensely loyal to the person but again, certain commitment stuff just feels too romantic which feels gross to me. But that's just me personally. For me a QPR is a very intense friendship. Nothing about it is romantic whatsoever. And the only 'life partner' aspect of it is just the emotional part of it. 

Maybe it's only for me to determine if I'm truly on the aromantic spectrum or not but I'm still curious to hear your thoughts. 

I don't know the correct term for this but I'm definitely "platonically-oriented." As in, even though I have experienced romantic attraction in the past, romantic relationships just don't do it for me. They pale in comparison to QPR relationships. When I think of the most special, intense, and satisfying relationship for myself....I think of the 'soulmate friend'....an earth-shatteringly close, cosmically-connected relationship with a *best friend.* And I've come to realize that I am unable to get as close in romantic relationships as I can in best friend relationships. I do enjoy romantic relationships but again these relationships pale in comparison to QPR type relationships. 

I've never been in love. And I have no concept of romantic love. Actually, I doubt that it's even a real thing. I think love is love. It's always platonic. Sometimes people experience it along with romantic attraction and sometimes people don't. But of course. That could just be my gray-ness talking? Maybe it's just that I'm unable to understand or experience the romantic version of love. 

I can experience romantic attraction though. Usually it's weak, muddled, and confusing...a sort of vague sense that I'm experiencing something other than friendship feelings. Also, my romantic feelings usually fade very quickly. Even the one time the romantic attraction was clear and strong, the feelings evaporated within a week. And romantic feelings always feel...somehow fake or wrong or coming from an unhealthy place. They feel. Almost like an unhealthy coping mechanism. Or something. They never feel deep, real, solid, grounded, or substantial. If that makes any sense. 

My squishes on the other hand...especially the QPR squishes....they're clear, solid, & substantial. They feel like *real* feelings. Not some BS pseudo-feelings that my psyche concocted for whatever reason. 

I feel like I can't be on the aromantic spectrum because I've been romantically attracted to people too many times for that. But also, I feel like an incredibly platonic being and I relate so much to the things people say on this forum. In high school when everyone was obsessed with getting a boyfriend or a girlfriend I was obsessed with getting a best friend. 

There's actually a lot more I could say but this is already so long. If you've read to this point, thank you so much and I appreciate any thoughts you have. 

P.S. Just to be clear, I can love intensely. It's just that that love is always platonic.