aroscorpio

17 minutes ago, GhostyPeppers said:

I don't know much about QPRs either, but from what I've heard, it usually contains the same elements of a typical "romantic" relationship (living together, spending time, strong emotional connection, etc) without anything you may consider romantic (kissing, cuddling, s*x in some cases).

I think it really depends on what kind of boundaries the two (or more) members of a QPR decide on.

As for me, I wouldn't mind some casual affection in an otherwise non-romantic QPR, but someone else in that QPR might not want to engage in that activity at all. It's best to find someone you like being in the company of and figuring out what ground rules to set down.

But like I said, this is just information I've absorbed over the last few months. I haven't had any actual experience myself, but I encourage you to look into it because it sounds like your cup of tea.

Yeah, I’ll definitely look into it more! Thank you!

3 hours ago, nisse said:

I would encourage you to look up QPR/QPP! Queer-Platonic Relationship/Partner. Sounds very close to what you want  I'm sure loads of folks on here has good insight into that!

I’ve heard of that! Although I don’t know a whole lot about it.

Okay, so, I’ve been thinking a lot, and I don’t know what to make of this. I’ve started identifying as aromantic, but I’ve also come to the conclusion that I think I would like the companionship of someone who shares the same interests as me, and enjoys the same things as me, and that I could spend some one-on-one time playing video games that we both love, discussing geography (my favorite topic), etc.. But when I think about the “affectionate, romantic” things like kissing and snuggling, and even... well... sex, I don’t entertain those thoughts at all, and they don’t sound in any way appealing to me. Maybe cuddling a little, but, like, in a platonic way. Anyways, if anyone’s had similar thoughts or experiences, and could help me figure all of this out, that would be greatly appreciated! As always, thanks!

2 hours ago, Queasy_Attention said:

Heya! I'm an aroallo and I've never had much of a problem identifying my sexual attraction for what it was. I might have a weirdly specific list of things that trigger it, but I definitely know it's there and it works just fine. There's a difference between having an active sex drive/libido and experiencing sexual attraction, though-- there are plenty of aces who have active libidos, but don't feel sexual attraction towards others. That's completely valid-- and so is having no sex drive at all, or even experiencing something in-between. 

To touch on your points a little:

- Finding someone "hot" doesn't always mean I feel sexual attraction. Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. It might even be the same person, but depending on the day or on my mood or on my cycle, I might feel sexual attraction towards someone when I see them and I might not. It's a little finickey, lol. 

- I've definitely experienced the want to sleep with someone-- and that again is a little on a spectrum. Sometimes I just like to fantasize about it without actually wanting it in real life, and sometimes I actually do want that experience and wish I could have it. Both, to me, fall under the label of "experiencing sexual attraction."

- I was curious, so I did try one of those ace quizzes online. It seemed pretty... un-scientific and a little biased with limited options, but nonetheless it definitely labeled me as an allosexual, which is accurate. I don't think I'd use this as a baseline for your identity, but it's a good piece to add to the puzzle.

Gotcha! So, with all of these examples I’m seeing I’m really starting to think I might be asexual, as I don’t really think I ever have experienced what you were talking about with ‘experiencing sexual attraction.’  I also don’t even think I’ve ever really had fantasies either, so that’s also a big sign I’d think. Thank you so much for your help, it means a lot!

31 minutes ago, GhostyPeppers said:

*slight NSFW talk warning*

 

Im currently iding as an alloaro, and I can safely say that I do feel sexual attraction. In fact, I think I feel it pretty extremely if I often confuse it for "romantic" attraction. Puberty hit me like a bus. The minute I reached that age, I could not stop thinking about those kind of things. I guess the best way I would describe MY personal experience with sexual attraction is catching myself staring at attractive people and allowing my brain to just roam freely with that. I cannot control WHEN I feel these things, but I can definitely control how I act based off of that, if not acting at all. I never actually did anything with anyone outside of suggestive flirting, but I do enjoy doing other sexual things by myself.

Its just something ive always felt from an early age, so in my mind its "normal". The ultimate difference between sexual and aesthetic attraction (I think anyway) is "Are they just pretty in general or is there anything specifically I want to see/do with this person if given the right to?" Because I have seen attractive people I otherwise didn't want to physically engage with.

Hope this isn't too explicit.

I don’t think it’s too explicit. And thanks for sharing your experiences! I don’t think I’ve ever really felt that way, so, while I’m not going to identify as asexual just yet, I do think that that’s a good sign that I am. Thanks for your help!

36 minutes ago, Tumblrweed said:

Hi aroscorpio!

I'm aroace, so while I can't tell you what sexual attraction feels like (you might have to see if one of the lovely aroallos or grey aces here can give you that perspective), I can tell you why I don't think I experience sexual attraction.

I was about 16-17 when I realized that it wasn't considered normal to not be interested in having sex with people. It came as somewhat of a surprise to me because I had been projecting my view of sex and interest in it onto others without asking then about it. When I did start talking to my friends and family about it, they acknowledged that some people are late bloomers and my older sister in particular said that the pool of people in high school (1,000 total spread out among the four years) was too small for even her to find someone she would date, although when we flipped through the year book she could point out a few people who were "hot".

What I came to realize, and the reason I started identifying as asexual at 18, is that there is something that makes people desire to have sex with others. It doesn't seem to be a rational thing, but an instinctual one. What I understand is that for some people, it's also linked to an emotional bond (demisexual). And after 18 years, I ended up expecting that I wouldn't feel that way for anyone in the future. In the years since, that expectstion hasn't been challenged. If it ever is, I plan on revisiting my label again. Sexuality can be fluid and labelling myself one way doesn't mean I have to stick to it forever if it stops applying to me.

I hope that helped, and I wish you luck on your journey in exploring your identity!

Wow, thanks so much for sharing your story! See, I’ve wondered if I would ever enjoy the actual act of sex, which I don’t know, but what I do know is that I’ve never had that instinctual desire, like you said, to have sex with someone simply upon seeing them. I find certain people aesthetically pleasing in their appearance, but like you were talking about, I have trouble identifying who’s “hot” just by seeing them - I usually come to that conclusion based of what it is generally considered. And another off topic thing is that while I’m more, in a sense, ‘attracted’ although not romantically or sexually, if that makes any sense, to women, I tend to find more men ‘handsome’ or aesthetically pleasing, and I’m not entirely sure why, but it’s true. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

*Slightly NSFW warning*

Hello! So, apologies if this isn’t the place to ask this, but I’ve already started identifying as aromantic, and I’ve started wondering if I’m asexual as well. I’ve read the definition of asexual as “not experiencing sexual attraction” and I... have no idea what that means? Is that like, looking at someone and thinking they’re “hot” or thinking that you would like to sleep with them? Because I’ve never really felt that about anyone. I also don’t know if I’d actually enjoy anything like that or not. I know that these are by no means reliable, but I’ve taken some of those “Am I Asexual” quizzes online and they’ve always come out (pun not intended) asexual. If anyone else has had these questions I’d love to hear what you guys think, as it’s kinda hard to figure these things out. ? As always, thank you!

57 minutes ago, Magni said:

Romantic attraction is hard to define for everyone, and especially amongst aros who don't feel it.  However, recently ended up trying define it as "a bundle of various other types of attraction, though specific attractions involved can vary, and which is also wrapped up together with wanting it to be romantic and the societal norms that entails."  Basically, if you feel various attractions and you aren't sure if they could maybe be considered romantic or not, but you don't want it to be romantic attraction or don't desire a romantic relationship based on those attractions, then it's not romantic attraction.  Also, having problems differentiating between romantic and platonic/other attractions would fall under quoiromantic, which is still aro-spec and also included under aro/aromantic.

That makes sense. Although I’ve heard of a lot of people who aren’t quoiromantic but identify as ‘Aromantic’ not being able to figure out exactly what they feel, too. Also, I’m just now starting to try to figure these things out so I presume some confusion is expected, right? ? I don’t think I’ve ever felt what could be considered romantic attraction, though.

1 hour ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

You mean aside from the aro flag? Not really. There's the aforementioned white rings, as well as arrows, but those could also be taken to be just... You know, an aesthetic thing.

Gotcha. I would like to get an aromantic flag phone case or something like that, though!

Ello, ello! Sorry if this has been asked before, but is there an accepted symbol of aromanticism? Like, a symbol to wear on a necklace or something? Like the black ring for asexuality, or the rainbow for gay (or just the LBGT+ community as a whole). I’ve heard things like a white ring thrown around but I was wondering if there was a solid, accepted symbol?

Hiya! So, I’ve been grappling with figuring out my romantic orientation, but I’m pretty sure that I’m aromantic. I’ve had what I believe to be intense squishes in the past but I don’t think they were crushes. So, if anybody here is on the romantic-spectrum, could you guys please help explain to me what romance actually feels like, since I’m trying to figure out if I’ve ever felt it. I don’t think I have but I want to be 100% sure. Thanks all! ?

2 hours ago, emmafriendly said:

I first discovered the term aromantic in 2015. At the time it was something that resonated with me, but it still took me a year or two to get rid of all my doubts. For example, I personally found myself experimenting with other arospec labels, but I always went back to aromantic. (To be completely clear, I don't mean to imply that other arospec labels are just aromantic in disguise or something similarly gross. They are completely valid identities on their own and should be treated as such; I'm just detailing my own experiences.) It can take a long time to work out your feelings, but there's no rush to the finish line.

When it comes to cuddling, I'm actually quite the fan. I have to know the person super well though, so it's really only my super close friends who I will cuddle with. As for other romance - have you ever been in a store and see a shirt and think "that would look good on someone else"? Then your friend tries it on and they look BOMB? That's like me with romance. I LOVE it on others, just not on me. I will read some fluff-filled romantic fanfic any day and enjoy it shamelessly. Hell, I've written some of my own.

My advice (if you would like it) would be not to try not to worry too much about the semantics of what you do and do not experience. There is no one right way to be aromantic. People feel different ways about different things. Admittance requirements and best practices tend to be how exclusionist ideas are born, but from what I've experienced, arospec communities have pretty widely decided we're not about that.

You're allowed to exist in this world however you want or need!

Welcome to Arocalypse!!  

Wow! Thank you so much for your immense hospitality. ? And I’ve thought about trying other aro-spec labels like you said, but I do feel like I’d come back to “Aromantic.” like you did. Also it’s good to hear about someone who’s had similar experiences, it makes me feel good to know. Thank you, once again for all of your help! ???

Hello all! So, recently I’ve begun to think a lot about my romantic orientation. So, I’m like 99% sure I’m Aromantic. I’ve never wanted a relationship, and things like kissing hold no appeal for me. I’m questioning my feelings, though. I’m almost certain I’m Aromantic, I just want to confirm. I know I’m the only one who can do that for me, but I was hoping maybe you guys would be able to help me sort through some questions. So, I’ve only ever had what I may call a “crush” on a real person (my “crushes” which I think are more squishes, are usually on fictional characters) once or twice, and that was years ago. Even then, I didn’t have any desire to do anything like hand-holding, kissing, or cuddling, or even... dating - with them. But I still got that giddiness and nervousness when I saw them. Also, most of the time when I’m fully awake, the idea of cuddling does nothing for me (and as I’m writing this, I don’t entertain the idea of cuddling at all) but every now and then, randomly in the middle of the night, I’ll think about cuddling or snuggling with someone, and I’ll think “that may be nice.” But other than the things I’ve listed - which are more past events and occurrences than feelings or beliefs that I hold - anything that may remotely be considered “romantic” is completely absent. Also I despise the idea of getting married. I’ve read all kinds of threads and stuff on it, but I’ve never come to a 100% certain conclusion, and I wanted to ask people who would know a lot about it. Like I said, I’m almost certain I’m Aromantic, and I very much like the idea of being Aromantic, I was just wondering if those kinds of things have ever happened to Aromantic people. Thank you!