Sooty Owl

I think if you don't feel romantic attraction then congrats, you're aro. Even if you date people, even if you get into relationships with romantic people, you're still aro because you still don't feel romantic attraction, that's all.

I was wondering what you guys really can't seem to understand about romance. I guess we all have difficulty understanding the basic stuff like what crushes feel like and whatnot, but what about everything that encompasses this whole romantic culture we live in?

I, for one, can't possibly understand how a lot of people seem to find extreme jealousy romantic. I just saw a post where a guy said that if a girl wanted to marry him she'd have to cut off all contact with other boys and everyone was gushing about how the fact that he was so protective was romantic and cute...

No it's not, it's abusive.

And I'm not saying everything romantic peeps are like that (thank god!) but I see that a lot and it's driving me crazy.

Something else I don't understand is this rule of "you can't date someone that your friend used to date". I mean, if you're friends, it means you have stuff in common, so it's not that surprising that you'd fall for the same person, and I don't see why you're expected to never date one of your friend's exes AFTER they broke up. If you caused the breakup or if you openly thirsted after the person, then I can understand, but if the breakup had already happened and there's no way they're ever getting back together, then where's the issue? Why have I witnessed multiple persons cut off one of their friends because that friend started dating one of their exes??? This makes no damn sense.

@AlexisS it's okay, in the end I'm better off alone than with someone who can't date aro people ^^

Just joined in! I'm Tenebricosa and have almost the same icon as here (It's also a sooty owl but a different one)

The first person i've ever had a relationship with broke up with me yesterday because I was aro and he couldn't handle it.

It had its good points, especially all the kissing/holding hands/stuff because I'm a very sensual person, but thinking that he was in love with me and ESPECIALLY thinking that he thought I was in love with him made me so anxious. I liked being with him every few days when we were with friends, but once we were alone I'd start to feel kind of uncomfortable after a few hours and wish for nothing but going home. I debated for a long while over whether I should tell him I'm aro or not, and then yesterday I just thought "enough". I needed to make things clear and I hoped he would understand and we would just set new boundaries and everything would be fine.

And yeah, even if he did react with "oh but can't your aromanticism change over-time?" (which is even worse to hear when you know he's ace), he was pretty accepting of it and said there was nothing wrong with me.

But then he just says "I can't be with someone who doesn't love me the way I love them". And that's how it ends, with me now feeling really bad since yesterday not really because of the breakup in itself, but because I got reminded that being aro is regarded as an anomaly and I'll never be able to return the love that anyone will give me.

Another INTJ!

I'm okay with all of these, but just like Saaaro I'm not really big on snogging and I'm not very sure why, it's just that after a few minutes I feel like I need to pull away for some reason and not knowing why is quite bothering me.

I'm a lot more into hugs than kisses though. I love hugs. Gimme all the hugs.

Guernica by Brand New will always mean a lot to me. My dad passed away from cancer 2 years ago after over a year of fighting it and no song encapsulates better what it feels like to live with someone who's fighting a disease, and feeling like you're completely powerless in front of their suffering. "If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells and remove whatever makes you hurt, but I am too weak to be your cure" is probably the one phrase I would use to describe this feeling.

I've started actively listening to Mumford & Sons these past few weeks and I really love their music. It's so calming and relaxing... The only downside to them is that they have a lot of breakup songs and I really don't like those, but eh, noone's perfect.

I found out about After the Storm a few years ago though and it's really weird how the meaning of that song changed for me. I discovered this song back in a period when I was very lonely and it used to make me almost cry because of how sad I found it, because I would think "no, that time the song is talking about will never come". But listening to it now makes me smile because actually yeah, that time came, they were right, and this songs reminds me of all the fighting it took to get here and all the things I've been through but survived.

Awake my Soul is definitely one of the best songs they made too tbh, I love it, but I can't say it has a special meaning to me.

12

I've seen platoniromantic used as a term to describe someone who can't tell the difference between romantic and platonic attraction, but never to describe a relationship

Tbh I think it really depends on the situation but if there's one thing that I hate seeing in public on every occasion, it's making out. At high school with my friends we had this spot in the yard that we always used for lunch and one day this straight couple just started using the spot right next to ours and would be making out ALL THE TIME, like litterally everytime I peaked in their direction they were making out. This lasted about a year and after a while I started wondering how they didn't get tired of it.

I don't have a problem with making out in itself, just... don't shove it in everyone's faces.

For the rest of it, I really don't have a problem with it unless I'm in a group of friends and a couple starts getting all lovey-dovey on their side. I mean if they exchange a quick peck, OK, but starting to touch each other and kiss a lot even if it's not making out just seems so disrespectful because hey, there are other people around that you agreed to spend time with, there isn't just the two of you in the room.