such

I enjoy doing many things alone.

I've really gotten used to eating at restaurants by myself. It's no longer weird for me at all. It's usually more like I'll stop by for dinner somewhere on my way to or from somewhere. And because I'm busy and always on the move, it's kind of just convenient. It's not like I'm going on 'a date' by myself. 

Going to the cinema by myself is still a little bit weird, but I've done it quite a few times. 

But yeah, I wish it was more normalised to do things and go places alone.

you might be aro if you've ever just looked at the least unappealing person in the room and thought... "do I have a crush on this person..." "do I...?!" 

(no. the answer was always no.)

14 hours ago, mewix said:

At the end of the day I just do what I want

Yeah I guess I'm learning to do that a lot more now. And I think accepting that I am aro/ace has shifted a lot of those attitudes to gender.

Thanks for your input!

1 hour ago, nonmerci said:

Personally, I knew thanks to how I want to be refer to. I don't have a strong sense of gender, this is true. However, I can say that being refered to as a woman is comfortable, that I feel like I belong to this group, even if I am not feminine. However, trying to refer to myself as a man, or using non-binary pronouns for myself... It doesn't work and doesn't sound like me. Conclusion : I am a ciswoman. I can't really tell why, but I know.

Thanks for sharing, that kinda helped! I guess it is a matter of looking within yourself, which is harder than it sounds ?

Hello, I have a question... 

I have been questioning my gender a little bit lately (as you do in a global pandemic) but I can't get over the difference between gender expression and gender identity. Like, all I keep asking myself is, how I feel presenting as fem or masc, what clothes I prefer - and I feel like these all have to do with expression. But how am I supposed to know my gender identity? Are they supposed to be separate?

I have never experienced dysphoria/euphoria and I'm quite happy with my body because it's kind of naturally gender ambiguous. 

Apologies if this is a dumb question ? But I would be very interested to hear about other people's experiences of gender identity. How did you figure out your gender in relation to identity/expression?

This is why amatonormativity (and all forms of heteronormativity) are rooted in the patriarchy, and also why (cishet) feminists should care about the aromantic (or more broadly, queer) experience. 

It definitely sounds like you're aro spec, and you don't *need* to know exactly where you fall within that. I've sort of given up trying to "figure out" my aro identity for now and I'm just being ok IDing as aro. Maybe something for me to revisit down the track. You don't need to ID as aro (yet) if you don't feel confident about it, but you can still find reassurance and guidance from the way that aros approach relationships and attraction (i.e. not feeling pressured to "do" romance in a conventional way). Just use the labels, identities and ways of thinking that are helpful to you.

Sorry I don't have better advice, but you're doing great! Just getting to this point of questioning is already a huge step forward to getting to understand yourself.

Sounds familiar. I guess it speaks to the normative life goals of our capitalist society: career and family. We are taught to work, get married and reproduce and those are the only measures personal success. Whereas things like hobbies, friendships, community work, etc are much less valued. Sorry, went off on a slight tangent. But I think recognising that these norms are what underpins so many of these kinds of comments can help you to frame a response to your family. 

@Mickexyy glad that helped! but yes at times it is deeply confusing.

I am a community development worker and my job includes talking to and supporting different people in various situations. It's not quite social work but it's close. I guess I struggle to relate to some people, because I have never had any romantic or intimate relationship. I guess it's still something I can improve on and work on, even though I may never become involved in a romantic relationship, I just need to understand people's experiences and how it might impact them. 

I want to know if anyone else has experienced this - Where you often get comments about being a hardworker or people are in awe of the things you've achieved, even if you don't feel like it's much. 

I have a Masters degree, and I'm continuing to study for a second Masters full-time while working part-time. In my spare time I volunteer and try to learn new things. I've always shied away or become uncomfortable when people try to compliment me with comments about my achievements because I really don't feel like anything has been that challenging. I think I'm now realising that other people devote a lot of their time and energy towards relationships and romance, whereas I don't, and maybe that's why I am perceived as hardworking or high-achieving. 

Just wondering if others have any similar experiences?

I think I am both, and they are simultaneously separate things and related things. The distinction between the two is that aromanticism is about lack of romantic attraction, and avoidant people might, say, have a crush on someone but choose not act on it, while an aro person would experience few/no crushes. So I think that's how you distinguish between the two. But it's likely that being aro reinforces avoidant tendencies, and would certainly add to existing confusion about what we're capable of doing or feeling. 

I'll be sure to give you all the answers after I've solved all my problems in therapy lol

Hi everyone

I signed up ages ago to this forum and lurked for a bit, but never posted anything. I only just remembered the existence of this account, so better late than never.

I am 25 and aro-ace from Sydney, Australia. I find that being aro is a lot more confusing than being ace. I guess this is the place where we can all be confused together?