This is honestly pretty much the exact same for me. I’d actually only come across the term maybe half an hour ago, but when I saw the definition, everything clicked. I was ecstatic; I’d finally found a WORD for it, but on the other hand it sent a shard of hurt through my heart. The term shoved in my face something I think I’ve been running from for a long time.
I don’t feel romantic attraction, but I DESPERATELY want to. I WANT to love and to BE loved in that way. With all my heart, I do. But I also know it’s not ever going to happen, because I don’t feel romantic attraction.
This was actually something that had left me on the fence or in denial or something for a long time as to where I stood on the Aro spectrum. At first I was like “Oh Im Aro! No romantic attraction here!” And I was right. But then I took a closer look and I was confused by what I found; the desperate WANTING for that kind of relationship. I then came to the confused confusion that “I guess I’m Demiromantic???”
But today I found the term “Cupioromantic,” and it’s the saddest thing I’ve ever realized about myself. Because as much as my Anxiety would be horrible in the feeling of losing control in falling in love, I don’t think there’s anything I truly could want more.
But it’s not going to happen.
Also, even though I absolutely crave this kind of relationship, a lot of the things you DO arent anything Id want to partake in. I wouldn’t like kissing, Im Ace, etc. Im sure I would enjoy just like,,, physical contact with another human being, but I am self-aware enough to know that that is all just due to being touch-starved.
For me, it’s just that /connection/ I guess that I so desperately want. I don’t really know how to explain it, but it is something I don’t think a squish could fill the space of.
I am, of course, less sure on that part because I have personally never experienced a squish, I don’t think, and I honestly dont know what I’d do if I did. I have become very antisocial and awkward (its lead to some VERY FUN existential crises : > ), and I cant even imagine how that would play out lol
