Cake-Loving Dragon

I agree with what @The Angel of Eternity said. Me being fourteen y/o, I understand that it can be hard to be sure. Personally, I know that I'm aro, but I'm still open to the possibility that I could catch feelings for someone. Because it's true that I might be a late bloomer, but that's just a chance and I don't want it to define my romantic orientation.

As far as wanting a romantic relationship, I think there are a lot of "romantic" things you could do with a friend or QPP, just without the romantic feelings. For example, when I want to hold someone's hand or go to a school dance with someone, I can do those things with my best friend.

I hope my response helped ???

Hello! I'm fourteen years old, looking for anyone who might be able to help me understand my situation.

I live in Oklahoma. I have a single mom and a 16 y/o brother. For most of my life, our house has been a complete mess. (I know that is a subjective word, please bear with me.)

I don't know what separates a messy/cluttered/dirty house from one that would warrant CPS to intervene in any way.

If it helps, I know they would've stepped in a few years ago, had anyone seen our house. But it's gotten a little bit better, and I think it's different with us being older kids now.

I haven't given many details, and I will if anyone responds, but I don't know what kind of things they look for. I would really appreciate it if anyone could help me. ?

I would describe myself with two of these, here's why:

I am repulsed by obsessive, extreme, uncontrollable, or unhealthy romantic attraction. But I don't consider that what romance is supposed to be.

I am indifferent to two-sided, rational, and faithful romance. Since this is what I view as true, healthy romance, I usually identify as romance-neutral.

Does anybody else feel similarly?

I chose the group with a shared bedroom, because the most ideal thing for me would be to live with my two best friends. We'd definitely be compatible to live together. But whether or not we shared a room, would be based mostly on their preference and on the situation.

Edit: Wanting a shared bedroom, for me, isn't romantic or sexual. It's been years since I've slept in a bed alone, much less a room alone, so it's just familial and platonic for me.

On 5/26/2019 at 10:30 AM, Holmbo said:

I agree. I shared the post mostly cause I find it interesting to speculate about what factors determines romantic orientation, and if genes could be any part of it.

Me too. I really wonder what demographics say about the aromantic-identifying community.

On 7/4/2019 at 12:59 PM, Madame Giraffe said:

THIS ^^^

I live in almost constant anxiety every interaction I have with guys, 'cause I'm always afraid they could read my actions and words in the wrong way and NO PLEASE I'M NOT HITTING ON YOU (specially friends, I hate to lose friendships 'cause of this)

I relate on so many levels.

There are a lot of aros who say, I'm just going to act how I want to and if people take that the wrong way, that's their problem. As much as I respect and applaud the ability to not care so much, I think I'll always be at least a little careful of how people (mainly boys) interpret my actions. Like you and many others, I've lost friends to misunderstandings like that and I'd like to avoid them whenever possible.

That said, I try not to freak out trying to interpret someone else's feelings toward me. If they do 'like' me but are scared to tell me, that's their problem. I'm not going to assume they do.

I put "born aro" because I know that I've been this way my whole life. Kids usually start getting romantic feelings at a young age, and I never have. However, I have wondered if I might have developed differently if I'd had two parents instead of one.

Sometimes I do feel that way, like my life will be lacking because I'm aro. I have to focus on my two best friends, the people I know I can count on to be there. Because I have them, I'm not lonely.

It also helps me to just breathe, and remind myself that God made me this way for a reason, and that His plan for me isn't to be lonely. He'll always fulfill my needs.

I've come out to one person. It was my friend at school, who is non-binary (fine with female pronouns) and poly. About a week ago, we were messaging over Pinterest in class. At some point, she says "*SCREAMS IN GAY*" (she says that pretty often). I said, "*SCREAMS IN ARO/ACE*". I didn't really know what to expect, but she just laughed. It was great though.

I want to come out to my two closest friends, one of whom is also asexual, but the other is straight and I don't want her to feel like she can't talk to me about those things. But I know I can't pretend to be something I'm not, so I plan to come out to them soon.

On 7/12/2019 at 4:34 AM, Holmbo said:

If someone is making romantic gestures at you, like asking you out or bringing romantic gifts even though you've made clear you're not interested in a romantic relationship, that shouldn't be allowed.

Could have a lot of common ground with feminism and organizations that seeks to question gender roles and dynamics.

True, because even allos can deal with romantic harassment from someone they're not interested in. It's just more common for aros (and aces, for sexual harassment). We need to change the culture that sees anyone who says "no" as a challenge.

1851!

No more animated animals!

The Grinch

Bears Under The Titanic Eat Rubber

STAMP

Banned because an ice phoenix goes against the very definition of a phoenix 

Welcome!  Anyone here would be happy to help you in any way they can. I'm aro/ace too, so if you have questions about that or want to talk, feel free to message me.

Welcome! I'm glad you found this site. It always helps to relate to people. I've found that there are very knowledgeable people here, so if you ever have questions, feel free to ask anyone. And if you want someone to talk to individually, my inbox is always open.

(I love your name by the way)

On 7/9/2019 at 4:38 AM, Spacenik86 said:

 

How many religions do have a problem with asexuality, though? Christianity certainly doesn't - Jesus was an asexual and chastity is an ideal in most churches.

As a (Baptist) Christian I can tell you, that's not true as far as I've seen. Like @eatingcroutons said, many Christians expect others to marry and have children. And even though my mom is single, she definitely wouldn't accept me being aro/ace. She (like many Christians) is against all LGBT+ in general, and aromantics and asexuals would be no exception. She'd also think I was being a snowflake, wanting attention, etc.

That's not to say Christians should look at us that way, because the Bible makes it clear that being married doesn't make you better than being single, and that marriage isn't for anyone. But people don't tend to see things that way, I guess.

I'll try to help, based on my own experiences. I'm aromantic and asexual, by the way.

On 9/1/2019 at 10:12 PM, Kju said:

I also don't really understand how a boyfriend/girlfriend is any different from a friend that you're sexually attracted to.

This is certainly how I felt before learning I was aro. Except, being ace, I wasn't sexually attracted either.

Yeah, I think that's all I can help based on what you said. Hopefully an allo ace will come across this thread.

Yeah, this is how I view it too. I don't consider myself romance-repulsed. But I am repulsed by unhealthy obsession/attachment that is sometimes called "romance." I have seen only a few romantic relationships that aren't obsessive, and I really like the idea of that kind of romance (not for me, but for other people). I think a lot of people have a really messed up view of romance, tbh. (But I'm aro so I could be wrong).

Edit: now it's sad to think that I spent months studying Romeo and Juliet last school year, before reading this perspective. I could've written a whole book about this. Oh well, I'll be studying more literature soon, I'm sure this will come up.

If anyone is curious, I've decided to keep covering my scars. I'd be totally comfortable with it, but my best friend (who is in therapy because of me) isn't ready to see them. I'm around her at school all the time, so it just wouldn't work out. But thank you all so much for commenting and helping me out! ❤️

YMBAI you kept thinking "I'll understand when I'm older..."

"You can't be asexual, you're not a plant."

"You're just a late bloomer."

Fight me.

Thank you everybody! My plan is to stop covering them next week (I'm out until Wednesday). But I almost forgot one important detail, which is my best friend. She was very affected by it when she found out, so I'm not sure if she'll be okay with seeing my scars all the time. I'll talk to her this weekend.

I'll keep y'all posted on what happens if I do go through with it. Thanks for all the support! ?

"You're only fourteen, kids your age aren't even supposed to date." - kids my age have been having romantic feelings since first grade. 

"So you need to start seeing your counselor again" - for the 263825th time, aromanticism is NOT a mental illness!

@Cristal Gris, thanks for the response! I've never witnessed any bullying at my school; the worst I've seen is gossip and rumors. So I'm not too worried about that. But mine are fairly noticable. That's to say, they cover most of my forearm. I suppose I should ask a teacher at my school about it. I know I want to do this, but I don't want to make people uncomfortable or anything like that. I especially wouldn't want someone to be triggered by seeing them.