ameddin73

Thanks for your support, folks. We met yesterday and they said that, while they'll need some time to "get over me" romantically, we still will remain friends. I'm really happy about that because they're the closest friend I have in this city. I think I won't confront them about being insensitive to my coming out as aro/disbelieving. At least for a long time. In the meantime I wonder if we can maintain a sexual relationship. All my friends say no, but we've worked through a lot of issues too, and I think it would be nice. We'll see. Anyway I'm feeling a lot less doubtful and more confident in being aro. As usual, making the right steps and the support of this community has made me a lot more sure of myself. Thanks for all the kind words!

Thanks. I'm not worried about who's "fault" it is. I'm just worried I hurt one of my best friends just because I'm nervous about commitment or something. Being on this forum and folks like you giving reassurance are really helping me come to terms with the fact that I am aro and I can't do anything about that.

I came out to my partner as aro awhile back, and we decided to try and make it work. Unfortunately all those little things - cute kisses on the cheeks, whispering I love you, etc. - that they did made me so uncomfortable. Two days ago I decided I had to end it. When I told them, it completely broke their heart. I've never seen anyone in pain like this in my life. They told me the kind of love they felt for me was special - a once in a lifetime kind of soulmate love. I realized a few things then: 1. I had never understood the depth of their feelings. It took seeing how much pain I caused them to understand. Maybe because that kind of heartbreak is an emotion I can comprehend while romantic love is not. 2. They had never really respected my aro-ness. That is, I came out and told them I don't feel romantic love, but it took ending the relationship for them to fully confront that I didn't feel the same way. They said it hurt to learn I didn't love them, and that sucks because if they respected my being aro they would have faced that when I came out. Right now I'm a bit of a wreck. I can't stop thinking I fucked up. We had such a good thing going - it was by far my best relationship ever. Now I'm worried I threw it all away because I'm weird about kissing. Frankly I still doubt I'm aro all the time. Even though I know romantic love and encounters make me uncomfortable... and I've never felt romantic attachment or attraction in my life. Basically, I think I did the right thing. I'm out as aro but I still have doubts, and ending the relationship was right for both of us. I really just want anyone to say I didn't make a mistake, and maybe share their own stories. Thanks for letting me rant. I wish I knew anyone who is aro in real life

YMBAI you like kissing during sex but kissing romantically wigs you out something fierce.

Can you explain alterous? I haven't heard that. I've heard of QPR but to be honest it sounds kinda sterile or over described. Honestly I think what I feel most comfortable with is "friend" or but that doesn't adequately describe our sexual relationship - and it seems unfair to them. FWB is almost rude to them if they feel a strong romantic commitment. *sigh* I've been aro for two days and I already wish I was normal

Thanks so much for replying. Update: I did it and it went great! My partner, as always, was incredibly understanding and helpful. I told them I'd need to set some boundaries, and may not be comfortable with the term partner in the future. We also talked about making sure they don't feel like they're not getting enough out of the relationship. I feel so much better now. It's a enormous relief not feeling like I'm lying, or have to pretend I feel a way I don't. I still have a lot of doubts about my romantic orientation, but coming out and feeling that relief/that click made me a lot more sure. I'm really happy to be in this community, and hopefully it can be a resource for me in the future! Even more, I hope my story can be helpful to someone else!

Hi everyone! I'm Alex and I'm new here as of about an hour ago. I'm a software engineer, I ride a motorcycle, I like to do improv comedy, I workout, and I love TV/anime/video games. I was also hoping I could get your help. It's all in the title. I've had a few failed relationships in the past, and the idea that I could be aro has floated around. It's not until now, in my first real relationship (at 25), that I've really considered it seriously. I did a lot of research on reddit and read that anagnori list - and basically every point sounded like me. In some ways it's really relieving finally knowing why I'm repulsed by the idea of kissing or holding the hand of someone I genuinely love. Turns out I just don't love them romantically. On the other hand, I'm really sad, fearful, and doubtful. I'm very sexually active and commitment-phobic, so I keep thinking maybe I'm just searching for an excuse for broken hearts in my past. Maybe I just feel bad that I don't love my partner the way they love me. I'm afraid because I feel like I've been lying this whole time, and I know I have to come out to them and I don't want to lose a what we have - at least platonically and physically. We're going to be having a conversation today. Finally I'm sad, because the idea of a romantic relationship seems amazing. It's something I've always wanted and dreamed of. Admitting to myself I'm aro means admitting I'll never have that. So... sorry for dropping all that on y'all. I'm excited to be a part of this community, and if anything here spoke to you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. ❤️ Alex