Jade

Musician here but not an instrumentalist! I sing.  Mostly choral stuff but also some solos and musical/show choir stuff.

On 12/3/2016 at 5:27 PM, Dodecahedron314 said:

Oh crap, I just re-found this post after having read the entirety of Homestuck this summer. 

I could totally see aroace John and Jade, and gay Rose, gay Dirk, and pan Dave are literally canon. 

Not entirely sure if Jane would be ace, but definitely demi, and I 100% agree with romance-repulsed bi aro Jake. Roxy is an interesting case--I could see her as demi/very dark gray in both respects, but definitely bi. 

Not fully convinced of Equius as aro, because he was trying for a matespritship with Aradia early on IIRC. Also, wasn't Terezi vacillating between quadrants with Karkat for a while? On the other hand, adding to the list of trolls on the spectrum, I don't recall Sollux, Kanaya, or Feferi being kismeses with anyone, or Gamzee having a matesprit.

Ok I'm officially sold on dark gray bi Roxy.

Forgot about Equius's flush crush, too. Dang. It was a bit of a plot point, too, I think? I haven't read act 5 in forever.  I'm still holding onto my Terezi headcanon though. Also, those are A++ headcanons and I fully approve of all the arospec trolls.

On 12/3/2016 at 3:10 PM, NullVector said:

@Jade, have you read Carl Sagan's novel Contact? Again, this is coming from vague memories of something I read a long time ago, but I seem to recall Ellie Arroway as being a similar character to Mary Malone. Possible that she's aro too, but I really can't remember the book that well (she has a relationship with Palmer Joss, not sure if it was 'romantic' though. she seemed more interested in science than boys, lol). But I recall that there is a lot of stuff about science and religion in there too (much more so that the movie; the book was a lot more interesting). So you might like it  

I haven't! I'll make a point of getting it, though; it definitely sounds good.  

Hmm. It's confusing for me.

On the one hand, I don't really mind being seen naked. On the other hand, if I've been self-harming regularly, I don't exactly want to shove a lovely mosaic of large wounds in people's faces. Even my scars tend to be.....personal for me. It's not the skin--it's the reveal of wounds. A couple months ago I got a cut on my neck and I ended up surprised at how uncomfortable I suddenly was at my neck showing; now that it's healed, I have no issue with it.

I don't see anything sexual with nudity, especially as an artist who's friends with artists. Even if it were sexual, I feel like I probably wouldn't mind.

I used to have no problem with getting completely nonsexual massages a few times a year while 100% butt-naked. Pain relief! It's great! Then there was some stuff with a mandatory-disclosure masseuse, and, well, now I'm more than a little freaked out about it....but again, it's not the skin, but the knowledge of self-injury and the invasion of privacy, that frightens me off.

However, I do mind, very much, seeing my /own/ naked body. It makes me want to rip off my skin (thanks, dysphoria).

It should be noted I have the same issue with looking at most parts of my body, including things it'd be weird to cover, like my face and hands (I wore fingerless gloves for a while to help cover my hands, and I've worn hand flower jewelry at other times for similar reasons). If you take other people's reactions out of the equation, I care about showing my butt as much as I would showing my knee--I don't particularly care about other people seeing either unless there's a cut on them, and I personally would prefer to see neither.

Hi. I've been in an abusive friendship before, too. You're not alone, okay? You're not crazy. She's hurting, gaslighting, and abusing you. Please, get away from her while you can. Don't let her back, no matter how much you want to. It's going to be hard, especially going to school with her.

PM me if you want to talk more, this is a personal topic for me so I don't want to spend too much time talking about myself here, but I want you to know that you're not alone because I've been there. I'm here for you. 

11 minutes ago, Cassiopeia said:

 

 

@Holmbo

wow, that diagram. So, you have to be aro and romo at the same time to be possibly homo...otherwise not a chance guys, sorry.  Charming.

It looks like someone let a drunk chimpanzee cut out sentences from a gossip mag and make a collage.  Where is it from? What kind of point is it trying to make? I'm truly curious.

 

 

I think you're misreading the diagram--it's saying "both aromantics and romantics: have a sexual orientation, etc.", not "you have to be both aromantic and romantic in order to: have a sexual orientation, etc.". In the overlap is the similarities between aros and romantics, in the parts of the circles that don't overlap is the differences. 

Why not?

A million dollars, but you get injured (never badly enough to require stitches/surgery/etc, but significantly) for every $75 you spend.

Oh hey, the quizzes! (Missing the aspie test and the personality disorder test, although I didn't link the aspie test. Then again, I didn't link the depression test either, that was you, Kaiger c; Then again, no big deal considering that this thread isn't about any of those... )

I got a 31 or 32%, if I'm remembering correctly. Industrial robot, reporting for duty.  

Longer ring finger than index (not by much), aro cis lesbian.

On 10/1/2016 at 9:01 PM, Zemaddog said:

By definition, cis people cannot experience gender dysphoria. That being said, not all dysphoria is gender related. Dysphoria is just a term used to describe a general dissatisfaction with life. That would mean that depression is a form of dysphoria.

 

I think cis people could also experience body dysphoria, as long as it's not related to feeling like the wrong gender. There are probably some people who are unhappy with their body weight and this is independent of gender. I am unsure as to whether this body dysphoria can be inherent, or whether it is always due to societal pressures and expectations.

 

But, my main point is that not all dysphoria is gender related, and certain mental illnesses can be classified as dysphoria, regardless of whether the person is cis or trans.

(waves) cis person with non-gender dysphoria here! This is a bit unrelated to the main point at hand, but I'm going to throw myself and my experiences out there as a cis person with dysphoria, both body and mental illness related. Depression, dissociation, personality disorder problems, anxiety... And then of course there's the fact that I used to have an eating disorder and was kinda-sorta-not-really body dysmorphic. I don't feel that any of this is necessarily related to societal pressures so much as it is my own issues, but I know a lot of people with dysphoria who do have it due to society's expectations.

But the most weird example of dysphoria I have is species dysphoria (don't laugh). My brain sees my "correct body" as being a cat, gets very (irrationally) upset about being human-shaped and not covered in fur (fun fact: I, a cis girl, have considered going on T for the sake of increased body hair!), not able to walk naturally on four legs, etc., to the point of self-harm and depression. V describes it well in xer post here (xe, unlike me, is trans, and has both gender dysphoria and species dysphoria). And knowing that there is nothing I can do that will change my body enough to make it mine... It's soul-crushing. I would do anything for that. But it's impossible, so I just have to kind of learn to live with my dysphoria the best I can. Which sucks, but hey, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and all that jazz.

So, yeah. Dysphoric but cis: it's a thing.

To refer to the original point (I'm cis so feel free to ignore my advice here, heh, but I did my best):

What's helped me and some of my friends the most is this: when you're confused, focus on what you want (for example, someone might want to bind and go on T but be referred to with she/her pronouns; or maybe they'll want to use they/them and get bottom surgery without going on hormones or getting top surgery; or any other combination. transition isn't all-or-nothing) whether than What You/Your Experiences Truly Are Deep Down (the people mentioned above might identify as gender-non-conforming cis women, non-binary people, trans men, none of the above... whatever feels right to them). Live the life that will make you most happy; labels describe what you want to do, they don't decide it for you. If you're dysphoric and confused, figure out how you want to deal with that (therapy, body positivity, changing your location/friends, makeup, surgery, medication, hormones, exercise, etc etc, whatever you think will help you) first; if you're unsure what the right labels for you are, that's okay, you have your whole life to question them, but wouldn't it be nice to do that in a body that feels like it's yours?

On 7/13/2016 at 3:26 PM, Cassiopeia said:

If you really want, we could use tarot cards?

On 7/15/2016 at 5:08 PM, Cassiopeia said:

A stag? 

The suit of pentacles (diamonds) is sometimes represented using deer; maybe the Ace (for aroaces), Jack or King (for "male deer") of pentacles, then?

....depends on humidity.

I live in Florida. It's, like, 85% humidity today. I'm melting no matter what the "actual temperature" outside is.

I'm going to say that the ideal for me is 85F, as long as the humidity is decent. I can handle more heat the less humid it is, though, and less heat the more humid it is. 

hugs: yes

kisses: sometimes (yes to quick kisses, especially if they're not on the mouth, no to french kissing, yes to sexual kisses alllll over and/or lip biting)

cuddles: yes yes yes (cuddles are the best)

No, because of the medications I'm on and the fact that I'm 15. However, I would most likely drink if I was able to (old enough and not on medications that might have Bad Side Effects if combined with alcohol)

Just now, Punable said:

Well, it does for me anyway. This test kinda pissed me off because the amount of 'no's I said meant that I wasn't romantically attracted to anyone, I was simply 'half love-struck'.

It should be noted that "half love-struck" means that you've gotten the highest score out of all the romantics that have taken it so far.  (scores so far have ranged from 83-100 for romantics and 5-35 for aromantics; the test only rates you as being in romantic love if you get over 150, and being half love-sick means you got 100-150)

17 minutes ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

@Jade How about grouping sexuality + LGBT into one subforum (working title 'Sexuality') and romantic allies + grayromanticism into another (working title 'Romantic Relationships'; the latter forum is less urgently needed than the former and can be postponed)?

 

I don't find it logical to group sexuality with romanticism in a single new forum.

2 minutes ago, Cassiopeia said:

So basically we need a Sexuality and Gender and Romance subforum?

This grouping sounds good to me; it makes more sense than grouping everything together, but it also keeps everything in just 1-2 new subforums  

24 minutes ago, aroMa(n)tisse said:

 

Yeah, that's basically what I'd like to be added. These are not too many forums, and each of them makes sense (especially seeing the decent traffic of the sexual allies and grey-A forums on AVEN relatively to that entire board).

 

The romantic allies forum will have traffic problems at first, but I expect the word of mouth to populate it soon enough; or those Arocalyptists who're currently in relationships with romantics can bring their partners here so that we have useful first-hand viewpoints of romantic people on the subject of romance.

Ah, I was actually proposing to create one subforum for all of the above, not each of them being seperate sub forums. 

If there is enough demand for them then sure, but we are such a small forum, I don't think we need many subforums, I think it would just split up discussion more.

2 minutes ago, Kojote said:

Not that I know, sry. I just remember it from one if the articles back when I still studied psychology, but I was never big on the romantic topics (for, in retrospect, obvious reasons), so I never took it myself... 

So... unless I find a better alternative I think I'll stick to seeing how this quiz works out, and then maybe working with the community to design an improved version 

I'll definitely keep my eye out for studies of romance though, and if I come across anything interesting I'll definitely let this thread know

Perhaps we could have a forum for all non-aro sexual/romantic orientations, encompassing:

- sexuality

- LGBT issues

- romantic allies

- maybe some grayromantics who want to talk about romance

- I can't think of anything else, but maybe this would be a good idea? Since a lot of topics are on the topic of human sexuality/romanticism/Etc but aren't directly about aromanticisn 

2 hours ago, Kojote said:

There are some well researched ones, like the Attraction Questionnaire. 

Plus there's tons of studies on romance, using tests. Sadly most of them are not really open to the public, or, if they are their scoring system isn't made public as they usually require a test analyst.

A lack of romantic attraction however, is still way understudied... which is why being aro just results in low scores and isn't overly classified =\

Is there anywhere online where the Attraction Questionnaire is available (and able to be scored..) ?

For the record, I do agree that the quiz is biased, that many of the questions measure an extreme/pathological version of love, etc.

However, the fact that it seems to accurately and consistently distinguish aromantics from alloromantics (although not so much aro-spec people, who have gotten scores all across the board) makes it most likely the best starting point we have in figuring out romantic attraction--I don't know of anything else that set out to define romantic attraction and actually achieved this degree of success, even if the quiz itself is based on some iffy stuff.

On 4/25/2016 at 6:36 PM, Blue Phoenix Ace said:

James Park, an existential philosopher and author, attempted to define romantic attraction/love in a small book breaking it down into 26 points. The online version may be found here.

 

I'm going to co-sign this as a good way to measure romantic attraction (although it seems rather... harsh on romantics): my QPR scored me just 15 despite it being a relationship that a lot of people might see as romantic. 

I sent this to some friends (aro, aro-spec, and allo) and this is what I got:

Romantics: 89, 83, 100

Aro-spectrum: 76, 84, 11

Aromantic (just me ): 15

To add the people on this thread who took it-

Aro-spectrum: 90-95, 82

Aromantic: 8, 0-20, 5

So it's definitely measuring something--everyone who took it so far has either gotten over 70 or less than 20, which is a pretty huge divide!

(Interestingly, my aro-spec but mostly-allo qpp got the 11--possibly why our QPR has been so successful despite it being an aro/allo relationship?)

I'd be curious in seeing more scores, so if anyone else here is willing to take the test, please do, and post your score please

----------

Current totals (updated as I get more info!)-

Romantics: 89, 83, 100

Aro-spectrum: 76, 84, 11, 75, 82, 82, 12

Aromantic: 15, 8, 0-20, 5, 35, 3, 8, 5

22

Rose sorbet! Not technically "ice cream" but I'd say it's close enough to count  I have an ice cream maker so I make my own sorbet, it's sooo good

3! 

...is anyone here into homestuck?

The reason I ask this is that I'm heavily jaded to traditional romantic shipping but I love shipping people in different relationships, and homestuck provides a neat system for that (kismeses/auspices/moirails) that I use to ship people in basically every fandom I'm in.

I do some ~romantic~ shipping too but not much, and even when I do, it usually has an element of dysfunction for me to explore.

Traditional romantic shipping (these characters love each other romantically so much, they get together/have sex/are happy) is incredibly boring to me most of the time, although there are one or two characters who I ship that way, but "the relationship between these characters is so interesting" is something I enjoy a lot