I'm Confused

[Guest Anonymous M]

So I've been wondering if I could be Aromantic?? But also maybe I'm just afraid of emotional intimacy??? I mean I'm Asexual, no doubt about it but until recently I always thought I was heteroromantic. I guess I'll start with how it normally goes down on the occasion I have a crush, when it happens it upsets me for some reason. I'm feeling these things and it's supposed to feel like nerves, right?? Like butterflies in your stomach and stuff like that, but for me it doesn't feel that way. It's more of a fear, I think. Like when I like someone I'm terrified of being around them because it makes me feel things and feeling those things makes me wanna cry but in a bad way, and I feel sick. Even worse is when it's reciprocated I want to lie down and let the earth reclaim me so-to-speak. It's almost like I can't handle it. Physically sure, I don't mind hugs and stuff like that- but only as long as it's platonic. If it's done with romantic intention I want to scream and don't know why. I'm so confused about this and don't know if I'm just jumping to conclusions or trying to rationalize some weird deep-rooted fear I could have or whatever. Either way, I just want to figure myself out, it's hard to even think about this.

[Guest ili]

Maybe if you tried to forget about friendships and romances and you took the time to think abt what activities you would/wouldn't enjoy with a very close person you could get the idea of what your own identity is, and then investigate based on that (maybe it's strong platonicism your dealing with, maybe alterous attraction, maybe none). I used to feel soo uncomfortable when someone attracted me bc I thought it might be romantic, now I get that it wasn't but I'm not sure if it has always been platonic or I might experience alterous attraction.

Hope it helps 👋