sexual confusion

[Karasu]

Helloo~
So I had my first sexual interactions with someone. And I just want to talk about it, because it somehow drives me insane, haha. Don't understand me wrong, he was very kind and tried his best that I feel good. But! I just didn't, lol. I know, I can't suspect that it will be super good for the first time. But idk, I realized that my body reacted, but myself didn't. My head was full of toughts and I coulnd't relax. And than it was too much for me, so I stopped it. What was okay. We couddled, what was also okay, but somehow also annoyed me - a bit. The whole experienced was to me more like a movie what was played and I was the watcher. I just let it happened because I tought, girl, just let it be, look how it feels and if you like it or not, you need to have this experience someday why not now? So I did. We also kissed what I also didn't like that much, but he did so he kissed a lot what was also annoying for me, lol. I mean, whats the point of kissing? I just absolutely don't feel it, not a bit. I just kissed because he seemed to like it. And he said he liked me - a lot. I could't response. And now I am going crazy because idk, I want my chill, lonely, virgin live back. He asked when we will meet next and it stresses me. What does he expect then? I know, talking about how you feel is very important but it's so haaaaard! I just want to hiiiiide. Now, if I think about the situation I am feeling anxious, at the edge of crying, confused and stresssed. I know there is someone who likes me but I can't like him back. I am just feeling nothing. At the beginning it was curiousity I guess. But now this is gone, lol. What also feels kind of weird is that my brain somehow pushes this night away? Idk, I felt a bit like a robot. I don't want to blame him because he asked if anything is ok several times, it was just me... Sorry for the spam I just wanted to write this down. If you like to response, I would be glad to hear about your toughts.

[DeltaAro]

On 3/26/2024 at 1:40 PM, Karasu said:

So I had my first sexual interactions with someone. And I just want to talk about it, because it somehow drives me insane, haha. Don't understand me wrong, he was very kind and tried his best that I feel good. But! I just didn't, lol. I know, I can't suspect that it will be super good for the first time. But idk, I realized that my body reacted, but myself didn't. My head was full of toughts and I coulnd't relax. And than it was too much for me, so I stopped it. What was okay. We couddled, what was also okay, but somehow also annoyed me - a bit. The whole experienced was to me more like a movie what was played and I was the watcher.

I wouldn't stress about it...

Only if this was a pattern, like for me, it would hint at something (I have strong aegosexual tendencies).

On 3/26/2024 at 1:40 PM, Karasu said:

I just let it happened because I tought, girl, just let it be, look how it feels and if you like it or not, you need to have this experience someday why not now?

But you only "need" to have this experience, if you are generally interested to repeat it.

Otherwise, it would be because society exerts an unjustified, extreme social pressure. Like, for some reason, it's considered positively shameful to not have sex after a certain age, and totally socially acceptable to shame virgins. IDK how many aces just had sex because of that.

On 3/26/2024 at 1:40 PM, Karasu said:

We also kissed what I also didn't like that much, but he did so he kissed a lot what was also annoying for me, lol. I mean, whats the point of kissing? I just absolutely don't feel it, not a bit.

Yes, sex without kissing is like milk without cereal for most people. A lot of brain areas for touch processing map to the lips and tongue, so that's why it's usually done, I guess. But then ... the touch sensation from that area is just detailed, not inherently that pleasurable.

On 3/26/2024 at 1:40 PM, Karasu said:

What does he expect then? I know, talking about how you feel is very important but it's so haaaaard! I just want to hiiiiide. Now, if I think about the situation I am feeling anxious, at the edge of crying, confused and stresssed. I know there is someone who likes me but I can't like him back. I am just feeling nothing.

It depends on what you want, try it again, or not?

I don't think we have to give people we just recently met and are casually dating long explanations why we break up ...