Can you help me please? I'm so confused.

[Guest gnbp]

Sorry about my English, hope you understand what I'm saying.

Hi, I really want to date a woman and marry one, when there's a woman that I'm attracted to I feel nervous, blush, want to impress her, want her to notice me, and remember her for years.

But sometimes when I imagine me with one I feel "strange" idk if It is internalized homophobia or aromantic, it's been only 2 years since I discovered my sexuality, before that I never imagined me with a woman, for me it was impossible since I was a woman too. I grew up in a homophobic environment, I've never flirted or kissed another woman.

I wasn't questioning anything until I made a post a while ago on another sub and someone told me that I could be aromantic and now I'm confused.

I've had crushes on men that I wanted to date, so I text them all day, posted storys just so they could see it, and remember me.

There's a post on Tumblr about 40 signs you might be aro,and from the 40 I only relate to 3.

And there's another page talking about signs 

https://aromanticguide.com/am-i-aro/

I've never had a romantic relationship so I didn't respond that, but the rest I relate only to 2 of them

 I've always had some feelings towards women that idk what this could mean Is this romantic attraction? I thought so, but since a person told me I might me aro I'm very confused and I'm doubting everything 

 

I had a teacher that I thought was so pretty and so interesting and everytime she talked to me I immediately blushed, I couldn't look at her, when I was seated next to her I felt so nervous, I wanted her to notice me.

 

There was a friend of mine back in school,that I thought was really beautiful too, I felt nervous around her and I couldn't talk to her like I talked to my other friends, I remember when I arrived at school and it was just her and me I felt really nervous, then one day, I was playing video games on my phone and my hair fell on my face, then she put her hand on my face to put my hair behind my ear, I immediately blushed and it was like the world stopped for a second.

In highschool there was this girl that I couldn't stop looking at her,I wanted to impress her, I wanted her to look and me and notice me, in a room full of people I could still feel her presence, I had dreams about her.

But I've never thought about doing something romantic with them, since I thought I was straight and that all women felt that way, so for me it was normal 

 

Last year I was in a restaurant and a woman so beautiful (imo) sat next to me and I felt really nervous, I started to fix my hair and my posture, I remember looking at her and she was looking me back and I looked away from being nervous, until this day I remember her hair, her clothes, her voice, what she said, I was pretty depressive at the time and I remember going back home so happy and energized, I wanted to go out again, to have a relationship.

If I have a crush on someone I saw on the internet still counts as romantic attraction?? like i'm watching TikTok and there's some women there that i would totally date, there's one where I can totally imagine me with her and I feel butterflies and so much desire. i've seem some people saying that "celebrity" crushes are not real crushes. but these women are not celebrites. when i watching a movie/serie and there's some actress that i have a celebrity crush on, and in the movie/serie she haves a romantic partner i can feel butterflies for her romantic partner, like they can kiss her and date her yk

Like for example when I go out I see some people that I would totally date, I live in a beach area, and I fall in love at least Three times everytime I go out haha, I'm not a hook up person, so when I'm talking to someone I'm thinking about relationship not just hook up.

I've flirted with some men on Instagram, I used to spend all day waiting for them to text me back.

But when it comes to talk to the person irl, I feel so much anxiety and want to get out of the situation.