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Am i aro?

Guest vitória

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Guest vitória

 My English is not my firt language and I still and the basic level so please don't judge my writing(but if you want to correct anything, you can help me learn) thanks.

  I'm  straight girl, 16 year old, my birthday was last month and in this last month I had a relationship with a guy, but I already broke up. Our relationsip last a month or so, He loved me a lot and had a crush on me first and I just thought that would be a good idea starting "something" with him because He is a good guy, we agree in some things and I was to afraid of never kissing, holding hands or more to last this oportunity pass, so before rejecting him I start ''liking" another boy( whose in particular i regret to even be interested in) so we stay just friends.

 I need to sumarize here that I never flirt with someone, but every one just keep thinking that I have something else with my friends, and when they know tha this friend like me they started saying that "I'm deceiving them"( can't describe in English) and I should stop, but that is just the way I am.

So when the friends of this guy talked to me saying that I must decide What i want with him, I felt really presure, I do Not dislike him So start something is not that Bad (this is what i thougth). In the relationship I felt really weird, because he just keep giving me so much "love"( kising,hugs, etc) and in the beggining I do the same with him, Because "I should do that, right, I like him" and when I come back home without him I felt Guilty, I felt that I was a lier, that I'am a bad girlfriend and I don't give enough love to him, that cause me alot of anxiety and i totured myself every night. But during the day I just forgot everything I thouth at night and try to live, thinking that "is just because I never had a relationship before".

This situation continue for a month and I started to think better and realize that I can't continue with this because eventually I will broke his heart, and decide to broke up and he normally aceppted even when I didn't explain to him why (I didn't follow he ''don't want to broke his heart" thing I know) What was not I really good thing to do and i know I'm ridiculous and idiot( don't have enough vocabulary to describe sorry) but i start to realize that I really didn't want something more with him and maybe with anybody in this world, and I don't know what to think, I think i can love someone eventualy and maybe this is just a specific situation, but at the same time maybe I'm in the neggation fase? and can't realize that I really cannot like romantcly someone, I don't know can someone help.

- i really like love, and never felt weird with romace trope in anything

- I don't  remember if I had crushes in the past.

- I don't feel really presure to find someone, like the love of my life, but I never had any experience and that make me feel i little weird.

- After him, I don't want anyone I have more important this to focused than a relationship.

- I have other moments of my life associated with ''Crushes" but is to long to tell now.


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