Here we are now...

[Guest Ann]

I didn't expect to meet a such a lovely person online. Didn't expect to become friends with them or for them to eventually ask me out. Didn't expect to ever say yes. But I did all these things.

I didn't expect to suddenly start panicking while in the midst of my first real relationship. Didn't expect my joy to fade into fear the first time they - or anyone - romantically said they loved me. Didn't expect to discover that I'm aro-spec. I didn't expect to break up with one of my best friends because I felt like I was being unfair to them, like they were giving so much to our relationship and that my feelings were hazy and weakly romantic at best. But I did all that, too.

I especially didn't think that now, months after I finally got what I had been wanting for quite some time - months after we finally went back to being friends and not partners - that I would find myself on the brink of finally being able to say those three words back to them, of finally being able to say I love them. Friendship is safe, it's comfortable, but I don't think I'd think about maybe wanting to kiss them, or hold their hand, or hear them laugh in the early morning hours if they were just a friend. And now, I don't know what to do.

TLDR: I broke up with my girlfriend on good terms when I realized I'm on the aro-spectrum, but now I'm wondering if my feelings for them have actually developed into romantic ones this time. If so, I have no idea what to do about it lol. Any advice is welcome.

[EternallyTBD]

I think if your love is nonromantic that is totally ok! I’d say the first thing to do is really try to figure out if your love is romantic, platonic, or something else entirely. If you decide you love them romantically that’s ok and I wish you the best with any relationship you may pursue! And there is always the potential to be aspec and experience romantic love, as many people who identify with certain aspec labels do, so you could look into that if it’s something that you are concerned about or need to reconcile in your head. But if you decide you love them platonically, or alterously, or in any other way I would let them know that but be very clear about the nature of your feelings. I wish you the best of luck in sorting this out!

Edited May 18, 2023 by EternallyTBD